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I Create My World: Perfect Book to Help Build a Child’s Confidence

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I’m in love with this little book – more to the point, I’m in love with the concept of providing children with positive affirmations, self confidence, and self worth. I Create My World  is a wonderful book for children that I wish I could put in every child in the world’s precious little hands.

I don’t have to tell you how important self worth is, nor do I need to remind you how important it is to our happiness and even health to realize that we are…

  • important
  • special
  • wonderful
  • worthy of love, happiness, and all things good!

What I might need to remind a lot of people of is this: People need to be grounded in these truths very, very, very early in life.  The first years of development are more important than most people realize.  A lot of the beliefs, feelings, and thoughts we develop as very young children stay with us throughout our lives. The impressions we form of ourselves in the early years of life stay with us, for better or worse.

That’s why the thought of a loving adult sitting down with a child and reading a book like this, together, fills my heart with warm hope.

Picture it: A parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, older sibling, or other family member sitting with a precious child reading a bright, beautiful book that’s all bout THEM!  Kids are their own favorite topic of conversation, after all – and this is a book reminding them.. reinforcing in them… that they are…

  • special
  • talented
  • loved
  • gifted
  • wonderful
  • the artist who’ll paint their life’s picture

I read to my daughters (Emily, Brittany, and Stephany) from the moment they were old enough to listen.  The time spent together was sweeter than any cupcake could ever hope to be. I found that it was often the words shared between us… between pages.. that were the most powerful.  The same would be true with this delightful and colorful book.  Think of the wonderful opportunities you’d have to instill positive life affirmations!  Having a book as a “tool” helps immensely.  The author’s words can guide your words, while the picture holds the child’s attention.

I’m reminded almost daily  just how strong children’s memories are.  My daughters often bring up things that happened so long ago that my mind had nearly misplaced the entire scenario. They remember books we checked out at the library and read as soon as we got home, they remember lessons from our home school – all the way back to when they were 5 and 6.  A few months ago, one of my girls brought up a story I’d made up when they were all younger than 8.  They remembered the “moral” and even the illustrations I drew to go along with it!

What a child experiences early in life helps mold and form them into the person they’ll become. It’s as though we provide them (when they’re very small) with the colors they’ll use to paint their life’s picture.

I Create My World is a beautiful palette of colors you can use to your child’s advantage!

Click through any of the links or images to learn more.

~ Joi (“Joy”)


Daddy Nickell Tips, Just in Time for Thanksgiving

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Gratitude is on everyone’s mind this time of year. Isn’t it a shame that the thoughts that are so strong and prevalent during November and December don’t stay as strong and prevalent the rest of the year?!

I have to admit, when I was younger, I never really realized just how beautiful a gracious and thankful heart is.  I remember one Tuesday morning I was having lunch (pizza!) with the pastor of our church, his adorable wife, and a few of our friends. Somehow the subject turned to being thankful and expressing gratitude. Southern preachers do many things with great passion and eating is certainly amongst them, but between bites, our pastor said, “A Gracious heart is a beautiful thing.”

I remember this so clearly because:

  1. It was BY FAR the shortest sermon he ever preached.
  2. It made me realize that, indeed, a gracious heart is a beautiful thing.

My three daughters, with their lives, preach the same sermon this wonderful man did over pizza.  My daughters are so incredibly gracious and thankful that it never ceases to leave an impression on me and I always think of the “Mini Pizza Sermon.”  Graciousness is beautiful.  They express the same gratitude whether I fix them a mug of hot chocolate as they would if I bought them a purse that costs way more than any purse has a right to cost (seriously, what’s up with purses?).

When I read the article below, the tip, “Model the behavior” jumped out at me. I believe that, over the years, my girls saw that my husband (“Daddy” to them!) and I simply don’t take anything for granted. We are always genuinely thankful for anything we have as well as for anything anyone does for us. I think that, more than anything, this helped them to become so beautifully gracious.

I notice graciousness in others and always realize that it speaks absolute volumes about an individual.

Below is a timely article that’s being shared with Self Help Daily’s readers.  It’s written by Robert Nickell (a.k.a. Daddy Nickell) and offers fantastic tips on helping your kids find ways to give thanks. More importantly, it tells how you can help your kids to be more thankful. ~  Joi

Creative Ways Your Family Can Express Thankfulness on Thanksgiving and Beyond

by Daddy Nickell

Thanksgiving is almost here, and parents everywhere are wondering how they can teach their kids how to express thankfulness on the holiday and beyond. Rather than just going around the table and saying a quick list of things they are grateful for, moms and dads want creative and unique “I’m Thankful For…” ideas that will get the kiddos in the spirit of giving thanks!

Daddy Nickell
From his experience in raising 7 children of his own, parenting expert Daddy Nickell has tried-and-true tips on ways to teach your kids how to give thanks:

Creative ways to express thankfulness on Thanksgiving:

  1. Thankfulness jar: Put out a decorative jar with a notepad and pen. Have family members write down things they are thankful for and read the notes at Thanksgiving dinner.
  2. Thankful turkeys: Do the old-fashioned hand turkey or be more elaborate, but have children write something they are thankful for on each of the turkey’s feathers. Use them as place cards or decorations.
  3. Alphabet list: Go around the table and have everyone say something they are thankful for. Be creative and use the alphabet to keep things going (each person has to say something they are thankful for that starts with the next letter in the alphabet.
  4. Dry-erase board display: Have a dry-erase board on prominent display where people can write what they are thankful for.
  5. Thankful songs: Choose a popular tune, such as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” and have each child sing a song starting with the words “I am thankful for…” This will get your kids’ creativity going and is sure to bring joy and many laughs!

Ways to teach your kids how to always give thanks:

  1. Model the behavior. Say “thank you’s” yourself. Remember to thank your children when they make their beds or clean up their messes. Tell them they make you happy when they follow the rules and bring you joy when they sing and dance. Demonstrate thankfulness in your own life.
  2. Make them wait (or work) for it. When kids get everything they ask for the minute they ask for it, they don’t appreciate it. If you make them wait a couple of days or until their next birthday, they will be incredibly grateful for the gifts when they receive them. Children also appreciate things more when they have contributed work or money towards them.
  3. Work thankfulness into your daily conversation. Talk to your kids about how blessed you are to live where you do and remind them how special and important they are to you. Helping a child appreciate what they already have will help them be thankful for their life.
  4. Volunteer. Whether it’s bringing cookies to a neighbor lady, or filling food bags at a homeless shelter, your children will benefit from seeing the joy they can bring to those less fortunate than themselves.
  5. Write thank you notes. Somewhat old-fashioned and definitely on the out, thank you notes require the children to think about each person and why they appreciate them and the gift they gave. It takes time, and every kid loves receiving mail.
  6. Reward thankfulness. Recognize your child when they remember to say “thank you,” especially to a stranger. Tell them how proud or impressed you are with their behavior.

Daddy Nickell’s tips will help all parents teach their kids to be thankful on Thanksgiving and beyond! Use them to ensure that your kids make giving thanks a part of their daily life.
Author: Robert Nickell (a.k.a. Daddy Nickell), father of 7, offers his “5 cents” worth of advice to expectant and new parents. Daddy Nickell is the founder of DaddyScrubs.com, delivery room duds, gifts, and apparel for dads, and the Daddyscrubs.com blog, where he covers topics about parenting and the latest baby and kids gear, all from a Dad’s perspective.

About Daddy Nickell
For his blog, Nickell writes from a father’s perspective on topics such as bonding with your child and what the father should expect during pregnancy and infancy. Daddy Nickell also contributes his parenting expertise to national talk shows and daytime television shows. He has been featured on “Good Morning L.A.,” “Good Morning Texas,” “Daytime TV” ABC15 Phoenix, MSNBC, WZZM 13, San Antonio Living, KSBI TV, and as a syndicated columnist for national newspapers, parenting magazines and websites including Baby Couture Magazine, Oh Baby! Magazine, City Parent Magazine, The Bump, Parenthood, and Homeschooling Parent.

You can also see DaddyScrubs on YouTube, like them on Facebook, and follow them on Twitter (@DaddyScrubs) and Pinterest!

Empty Spaces

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The Tao of Motherhood
Empty Spaces

The empty spaces make
wholeness. The emptiness in a
pot makes it valuable; you can
fill it with food or water.

Pay attention to what isn’t. Listen
for what your child does not say.
Observe what she does not do.

Similarly, know that your child
uses your empty spaces. What
you do not say resounds. What
you do not do impresses.

– from The Tao of Motherhood by Vimala McClure

The above is a beautiful excerpt from a beautiful little book, The Tao of Motherhood.   Had it not been for our week-long, greatly uninvited and grossly unappreciated internet abstinence, I would have written about this beautiful book sooner.  However, if you use the Amazon river of greatness, you can STILL have this book delivered in time for Mother’s Day.  It’s truly, truly a wonderful little book filled with beauty.

What’s amazing about the words above is this:  The reader doesn’t have to be a mother, or even a female, to benefit from the lesson taught in wording so brief.

We can all benefit from the reminder that’s at the heart of this passage.  People will learn more from what they see us do than what they hear us say.  Sometimes they will get a better indication of our character by the things we DON’T say as opposed to the things we DO say.

My mother was incredibly non-judgmental.  She didn’t look down on others, irregardless of their circumstances or abilities/inabilities.  She never copped a holier-than-thou attitude.  Ever.  The thought of her saying something derogatory or insulting about another human being is almost laughable.  Of course, there were behaviors that she didn’t condone and if she thought anyone was being cruel or mean-spirited, she’d be the first to say so.

But there’s a difference between hating what people do and hating people, isn’t there?  There’s a clear line and she never crossed it.

More importantly, she didn’t have a racist or bigoted bone in her body. She didn’t see color when she looked at people, she didn’t see ethnicity.  She saw people – made by God, loved by God. In fact, one of the things I hate most in this world is racism, which is something I strongly shared with my mother.

As a result of the things my mother didn’t say and the hatred she didn’t possess, she raised a daughter who is filled far more with love than with hate.

The “emptiness” of hate and the nonjudgmental attitudes continued to my own three daughters.  Because they didn’t hear their mother judging others or being unkind and cruel, they have never taken part in the ugliness themselves.  It wasn’t something I sat them down one day and drilled into their heads, “You must not make fun of others or look down on them.  Even more importantly, you must not ever be bigoted! ”  When you “leave out” certain things in your life, others will notice – whether they’re children or adults.

As Vimala McClure said, “Empty spaces make wholeness.”

Time Travelers, Chicken, and the Good Stuff

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Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Slower.

In—hale….. ex—–hale.

Better.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did just spend a few hours amongst the public. How can you tell?  I’m just going to say it.  I love people, but, well, people are bananas.  One thing that I experience every time I go out is this: Irritable, LOUD, agitated parents of small children.  If you’re fuse is so short that you go from here to there inside of 10 seconds, don’t have kids!

These parents (or pa-RANTs) need an abbreviated lesson in common sense:

  • Kids are kids.  Just because you enjoy shopping for an hour, scouring over every single shoe in the store doesn’t mean a 3 year old little boy is going to have a grand old time.  Three year old boys weren’t made to sit as still and quiet as lawn furniture for any length of time.
  • Take a look at your kid’s little legs.  Now tell me how in the name of all that’s reasonable you think THOSE legs can possibly keep step with your’s.
  • Yelling in public never has been and never will be attractive, acceptable or applaud-able.
  • To the woman who yelled at the grade-school aged kids to “Act your age!” Then followed it with a “SHUT UP!!!!”….. seriously? Out of the same mouth, act your age….. SHUT UP! I’d have paid money for one of the kids to have said, “Okay. You first.”
  • If you treat a child with anger and, God forbid, violence – they come to accept that as the preferred reaction.  One day, in about 10 years, you’ll find yourself standing in front of a police officer with a dazed expression on your face.  I only wish I could be there to slap you with a, “What in the BLEEP did you expect.  Now, SHUT UP!”

Of course, it’s not just parents who seem to think that public is the perfect place to argue, fight, and bicker.  Some couples act like they’re in divorce court. Frankly, I don’t care about public displays of affection, as long as nothing gets out of hand, of course.  If people want to hold hands or walk with their arms around one another, cool beans.  I’ll take them over the ones that bite one another’s heads off and argue in public.  Again, seriously?

Today a woman flat bit her husband’s head off when she asked what he wanted for supper.  He said, “Chicken,” and she tore into him good.  I guess it was the wrong answer.  As I was hot-footing it out of the aisle (afraid she’d turn her wrath on me since I had chicken in my cart), I heard her saying something about not wanting to spend 16 hours in the kitchen.  I don’t know how she cooks chicken, but she’s doing it wrong.

Bananas.

Sometimes I imagine what time travelers from years ago would say.  If our grandparents (0r even parents to tell the truth), when they were in their early 20’s, could have traveled to a Wal-Mart in Everyday, USA.  Once they got over the shock of piercings, hairstyles, clothes, and so on – I just have a feeling one of the first things out of their mouths would involve manners.  I can hear my husband’s grandmother now… “Back in the day, wouldn’t have dreamed of doing that.”

I can imagine my great-great grandmother passing out when she heard people yelling at one another.

I don’t know, maybe I”m just an old soul at heart.  But in my dream world, people treat one another (regardless of their age) with respect.  They never raise their voice in public and try to remain calm, cool, and collected.  Parents act like the adults.  Men and women never leave the house unless they’re clean, put together, and wouldn’t die of embarrassment if they came face to face with someone they knew from high school.

I did encounter a couple of different ladies who were cool customers.  One was in her 20’s with a baby girl or boy.  Couldn’t tell you if I had to – but it was cuter than it had a right to be.  I smiled at the baby and told her she certainly had a precious baby. She smiled ear to ear and said, “Thank you! Until 5 months ago, I only thought I knew what happy was!”  She then said something about being the luckiest girl in the world and I couldn’t help thinking that within her cart was a terribly lucky baby boy. Or girl.

Another lady was about 50 years older than this happy young mother. She was almost cuter than the baby was, I must say.  Little red sweater, bright blue pants, neat little sneakers, curly white hair, and a smile that lit up the entire grocery store.  She tried to reach a cereal on a top shelf and I rushed at the opportunity to reach something for someone else.  At 5’2″ on a proud day, I’m normally on the other side of the situation. She thanked me and we talked about the weather, birds, and the high price of cereal (we’re both against it).   It was obvious that she was just a genuinely upbeat, happy, and cheerful person.   I’m drawn to people like that like a hummingbird is to nectar. I wanted to bring her home with me, but if I start bringing people home, it might alarm my husband.

When she of the neat sneakers and I were parting ways, her smiling son came up the aisle toward her.  He held up a box of some sort of ice cream bars and asked if those were the ones she liked.  She said, “Yep. That’s the good stuff!”  Cute, cute lady.

I guess this post has only one thing on its mind – an admonition for all of us (parents, wives, children, husbands, workers, non-workers) to strive to be more civil, have more class, and act like… you guessed it… ladies and gentlemen.  At the very least, NOT like savages.

When is it the right time to yell at anyone in public?  When they’ve grabbed your purse and are trying to get away.

Now, I have to go find my happy place.  It won’t take me long, I know where it is.  In the kitchen, on the counter near the refrigerator. Some people call it a coffeemaker but for me it’s just happiness waiting to be poured.

Emotional Rollercoaster Coming in for a Landing!

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Note: This post was actually written Monday! I only thought it posted…  At any rate, I just re-read it and realized just how down I was when I wrote the words. It’s now Wednesday morning and life, emotions, and everything else is back to normal.

Normal’s good.

I’m struggling today.  I believe myself to be a strong person – emotionally, mentally, and spiritually anyway.  Physically, not so much.  Pickle jars often send me tearing through the house in search of my husband’s hands.

Today, I feel as emotionally weak as a tight lid makes my hands feel.

My firstborn daughter, Emily, was married this weekend and I’m incredibly proud of her, I’m unspeakably happy for her, and I’m head-over-heels crazy about her new husband.  He’s a sweetheart and has felt like family since the first day he came into the house.  The boy is straight up “larger than life” and I couldn’t be happier that he’s in our life.

So why the lack of strength today?   Well, I just said the words: The house.  Too darn quiet!

While my husband and I still have two beautiful daughters who are almost always here with their own boyfriends and while we have a great number of precious cats, there is now something missing.

Emily.

Since we first brought this blue-eyed girl home from the hospital, she’s been one of my very best friends, companions, and partners in crime. We’ve always been more than mother and daughter – we’re kindred spirits in every sense of the word.

Emily and I drink the same drinks (coffee – and lots of it, green tea, hot chocolate – she hasn’t jumped on my Rice Milk bandwagon yet), love the same foods, laugh at the same jokes (especially when we’re in the middle of telling it), eat at the same restaurants, and watch the same shows (Survivor, The Biggest Loser, UK Basketball, and other sports).  We both over tip, shop too much, and love to walk.  We hate racism, violence, anger, and desperately wish we could feed, clothe, hug, and adopt every lonely child in the world.

And boy do we love to laugh.  I guess that’s why each one of us married such clowns!  At the wedding, we happened to be laughing at another family clown (my youngest daughter Stephany’s boyfriend) and one of Emily’s co-workers told her, “Awww, you have your mother’s laugh.”

Yes, indeed.

My brain knows that Emily and Dill (my new clown-in-law) now live just minutes away (7 if my husband drives, 4 if I drive).  My brain also knows that she’ll be here most nights for supper because cooking is one area we aren’t the least bit alike in – I love to cook and Emily has absolutely no use for the sport whatsoever.

She’ll also be here each night one of our shows is on.  I make the snacks, we watch the show, and then we re-live what happened.  Ironically, we almost always have the same favorite contestants on Survivor, The Biggest Loser, etc.  Recently, when Coach Jimmy Johnson was voted off of Survivor, we both started grumbling at the remaining contestants.  One of us cursed them to losing ALL future challenges while the other hoped they starved.  I won’t say which.  It was funny because I don’t think either one of us realized how much the other one liked him.

My husband and youngest daughter didn’t seem to mind his exit as much.  At least they didn’t wish starvation or humiliation on anyone.

My brain also knows that Emily and I will be in constant contact – we text like crazy!  All of our shopping outings, restaurant visits, and Starbucks trips will remain the same.

Realistically, I “get” all of that.  But…. well… it was lonely at the coffee maker this morning.

Deep breath.

Okay, I’m going to make it through this – just like all parents do when their children have the audacity to grow up.  We just keep going forward, keep looking in front of us, and try to keep a smile firmly on our face.

For their sake.

At the wedding, I felt tears welling up but thought of Emily.  It would have made her sad to see me with tears in my eyes, so I summoned up the strength to swallow the lump in my throat and dry the tears before they ever fell.  2 seconds later, she looked at me and smiled when she saw me smiling at her.  She was such a beautiful bride.  She has been beautiful every step of the way, though.  Beautiful baby, beautiful toddler, beautiful teen-ager, and now, a beautiful young lady.

Who am I kidding?  She’s still my baby and she always will be.  If she didn’t already know that, she knew it when I handed her a glass of punch at the reception and told her not to spill it on her dress.  I told her I wished I had a sippy cup for her and she said she wished I did too.

I’m afraid that this post is sounding sadder than I intended for it to sound.  I’m actually not sad right now as I sit here drinking coffee and ferociously typing away.  I’ve been thinking about Monday Night Football snacks, playing with a few of my cats, and trying to catch up on work.  I’m so behind on my blogs and e-mail that it makes my head spin.

I do just want to say this: I know (from e-mail and comments on this site) that a lot of parents are going through this transitional phase right now, too.  You simply can’t love your children with every breath in your body and not miss them when they step out into the world on their own.

Just keep reminding yourself that they’re taking a very large part of you with them.  Your words, your love, your addiction to coffee, your taste in music.  You’re as vital to them now as ever.  You will forever be their safety net – a place where they know (no matter how tough or ugly the world gets), they have a place they can go to feel nothing but safe and nothing but loved.  A place where they’re always as golden as the sun and as welcome as rain on an August afternoon.  A place where the cares of the world disappear, coffee is always brewing, and the best seat in the house is their’s for the taking.  A place where it’s always the right time for dessert – and, ironically, they can always find their favorite on the menu (funny how that happens).  They always have a place that makes the world feel as safe and wonderful as it did when they were six.

Home.