When Dealing with Yourself or Others, Pushing Can Backfire on You
As a dreamologist, I hear and read about a lot of dreams – literally hundreds a month. I’m not a “You will meet a mysterious stranger who will be wearing stripes on the second Thursday of next month” dream prophet or anything as exotic as that. I think of myself more as a dream analyst – I can decipher the meanings behind dreams….. the symbolism behind the dream and what, if anything, should be taken away from the dream.
A lot of study, research, and hands-on training has gone into this craft and I enjoy it almost as much as anything I do.
The greatest part of it is working with people, hearing what’s on their minds, what’s bothering them….and helping whenever I can. The work and study are more than worth it when I get the e-mails thanking me for the insight and help. I’ve heard from the most colorful and amazing people in the world through my dream site and dream blog. It’s a shame I’m not a science fiction writer, I’d have enough material for several lifetimes!
I’ve noticed that a common theme for dreams centers around relationships. A person who is grieving, for example, will often have incredibly vivid and troubling dreams, as the mind tries desperately to heal itself from the pain it feels.
Someone who has had a break-up, which is also a form of grief, will often have recurring dreams about this person. Again, the mind tries to come to terms with a situation it isn’t comfortable with.
Something that amazes me about us (humans) is our knack to push ourselves. We put so much pressure on ourselves to just move on and keep going – regardless of the circumstances. I think we do ourselves more harm than good.
The really irritating thing is that we’ll tell others to “Take your time and heal.” but we’ll tell ourselves, “Move on already!” If only we’d be as understanding of and patient with ourselves as we are others.
Instead of pushing ourselves forward, sometimes I think it’s best to pull ourselves backward and just remember how to breathe. Whatever situations we face – whether they’re grieving for a lost loved one, a lost relationship, or an empty nest – we should first ask ourselves what advice we’d give if someone we loved were facing this same situation. Then, secondly, we should take our own advice. I’m fairly certain it wouldn’t be, “Move on!”
We have to care for our psyche if we want our psyche to take care of us.
Whether we’re dealing with relationships, a healing process, or trying to motivate ourselves in our personal or professional life – it’s a good idea to check up on our approach from time to time. Are we trying to push ourselves so hard that we aren’t even enjoying life? Even worse, are we trying to push someone else so hard that THEY aren’t enjoying life?!
Very often, whether it’s YOU or THEM you’re pushing, you’re actually just making things worse. People generally respond to being pushed by digging in their heels. It’s just a natural, human reaction. We don’t want to be pushed unless we asked for a nudge!
Instead of always pushing, try pulling instead.
- Pull back and evaluate the situation. Are you approaching it in the best way possible? In your “GO GO GO!” approach, have you overlooked something?
- If you’re trying to help someone else, first ask yourself: “Is it even my place to help them?” Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we overstep our boundaries and try to make decisions that aren’t our’s to make.
- If this person does want and/or need your help, instead of pushing them, try to lead the way, then (if need be) reach back and gently pull them along.
Sure, there are times when pushing is better than pulling – pushing a child in a swing or orange sherbet up a “Push Up” – but more times than not, pulling is a much better approach.