A few days ago, my male cats (Bo and Svenn) were helping my in the yard. The disaterous ice storm here in Kentucky did a real number on trees, and since we have a virtual forest in our yard, we had limbs and branches down like you wouldn’t believe. It honestly looked as though a tornado had torn through.
My husband was out of town and I thought he’d be glad to see a lot of the work done when he came back. My boys followed me every step of the way. They were delighted with the entertainment and I loved the company – even though I was totally aware that I was their matinee.
They watched as I dragged most of the heavy limbs and carried the ones that could be carried. Some were so heavy they had to stay right where they were. The rabbits under one of them appreciated it greatly. My brave, tough boys just peeked through the branches at the rabbits and turned away. Fortunately for the rabbits (and for me who would have tried to stop it), my one cat who would have sent fur flying is now a house cat.
It wasn’t long before I realized that, although the large limbs had to be dragged a great distance and taxed what few muscles I own, the small branches were much more of a headache. They required frequent bending over as I gathered them up and it seemed as though I never gained on them! They were great nuisances, in spite of their innocent appearance.
It occurs to me that many of our habits are like these sticks. Many of the negative traits or habits that hold us back are usually the small ones. These “stick habits” add up and can cause some serious damage in our lives.
What are some of these habits or traits?
- Temper
- Being judgmental
- Being too hard to please
- Laziness
- Being sloppy
- Selfishness
It seems to me that when we have large habits, we often find a way to “muscle up” and control them. We KNOW they’re there, they’re too big to miss! Some of these include smoking, overeating, not controlling your weight, spending too much money (shhhh), lying, etc. These big bama jammas are so in your face that we couldn’t ignore them for long if we tried (and most of us do indeed try!). All the while we’re looking at these larger ones, the smaller habits just keep lying there, causing a perfect mess.
That’s how it was when I was cleaning the front yard. I hauled limb after limb after limb – then on one of my last trips back to the front of the house, I noticed that there were only a couple of large limbs left. My mind started to celebrate by mapping out the rest of the afternoon’s schedule – warm shower, chili for lunch, a pot of coffee, a Sanford and Son episode, perhaps a second warm shower (what can I say, I was freezing). Then when I pulled away a few of the big dudes, I noticed what had to be a gazillion sticks and branches. Fred and Lamont were going to have to wait.
Our “Stick Habits” Keep Us.
- They keep our relationships from being as close as they could be.
- They keep us from moving up the ladder at work.
- They keep us from having the things we want.
- They keep us from making the world a better place.
- They keep us from being as happy as we could be.
- They keep peace and contentment at arm’s reach.
Take a good close look at your negative habits. Not the big ones (at least not this time!), lean in close and observe the small ones.
Do you expect too much from others? Are you judgmental and critical of other people and situations? Do you get angry more than 3 times a day? Do you spend most of your time thinking about the world around you or yourself? Do you honestly try to make other people happy or do you expect them to make you happy? What’s the last totally selfless thing you did for someone else? Are you honest? Do you tend to overreact to situations, causing them to grow larger than they should actually be? Are you quick to label people based upon their sex, race, social position, or car they drive?
Once the stick habits are there in plain view, pick them up and throw them out of your life. Mark my words, it will make a huge and profound difference in every area of your life. Cast them away so far that you can’t even see them any more, then do everything in your power to make sure that nothing carries them back into your life. It won’t be long before people around you notice the difference as much as you do.
Things that were so wrong will suddenly be so right.
**** Click HERE to find out why you should be knocking Saturated fat out of your life – it isn’t just your heart that you’ll be saving. – Joi
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m not sure what my stick habits are…I think I need to think about this a little more and I’ll probably start to notice some things. I agree with your analysis that it is easy to get rid of your big habits because they are so obvious and they consciously affect your life.
This is a marvelous post, Joi, and as fate would have it, something I have been working on for the last week or so. Traveling makes one aware of all those sticky habits and how stuck we are in having things the way we like them. IAnd just how inflexible we can be. I’ve discovered that actually naming the habit helps, like: airports make me anxious habit. Now what would I like to do with that? Would I like to transform it into: “I find airports quite interesting habit. Or how fun it can be to people watch habit!” Buddhist teachings say that when we name the emotion associated with the habit, it begins to disempower it–liking letting the air out of a too tight balloon. It does work! It’s all about working with this wild mind of ours–and that wily ego too!
wow. That’s so nice to think and practice.
jaky’s last blog post..Anti Ageing Creams don’t work here!
Interesting point about working on the smaller habits. What people find if they work on these smaller habits over time is that they gradually start to disappear.
The stick habits generally tend to have great effect upon changing because they help structure our lives, hence aspects of laziness, like staying in bed for ten minutes before getting up. Change enough of these sticks and you build what others see as self discipline…
sahail’s last blog post..Happiness and Circumstances
Thanks, Jaky!
Sahail, I always love to see a bad habit kind of slide away. I wish my hamburger loving habit would do just that, but I’d give just about anything right now for a Burger King cheeseburger!
Jan,
Fascinating stuff! I love the idea of putting a positive spin on the situation. Slapping a positive expression on a negative situation’s face can make all the difference in the world. I’d never heard about this Buddhist teaching, but I’m utterly fascinated by it! I’m going to hereby call my love of (and cravings for) hamburgers as something like “the artery clogging fetish” or “the rush to the heart doctor.”
Surely something like that would slow me down – at least a little! Maybe????
Maybe you’re one of those people who don’t have any stick habits. Some people are so exceptionally in touch with themselves that they keep a pretty close eye on their habits and “nip them in the bud.” I spend just about all my waking hours thinking about self help and self improvement matters, so I can recognize a bad habit in its earliest stages.
I caught onto a tendency to procrastinate and knocked it out in an early round. Granted, there are a few I’m still in the center of the ring with, but eventually (I hope!) I’ll figure out how to stay within my budget, drive the speed limit, and eat less burgers. And onion rings. And Diet Dr. Pepper. And Cheesecake.
Oh, Lord, I’m craving them all right now. As luck would have it, there’s a Diet Dr. Pepper sitting on the counter winking at me right now. Coming, baby!
One interesting new habit I tried for a while (and may well try again soon) is to silently say ‘I love you’ to everyone you meet during the day.
Really great for family life, and quite an amazing effect on how you deal with your day (I’m a teacher)!
Hard to maintain (like many worthwhile habits) but incredibly positive.
sahail’s last blog post..Goal Setting – is your goal setting aspirational?
Sahail,
“One interesting new habit I tried for a while (and may well try again soon) is to silently say ‘I love you’ to everyone you meet during the day.” – Beautiful advice!