Posts tagged as:

family

Relationships Without Regrets

by joi on January 5, 2009

in General, Relationships

It's Up To Me


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I’ve said it a million times before, but it bears repeating, so hold on for 1,000,001. You never, ever, ever know what the next moment is going to bring into your life. In fact, at any given time, your world could be changed forever.

When my husband ran for the Sunday papers yesterday morning, it was as routine as a teenager talking on the phone. What wasn’t routine was the fact that he was in a wreck on the way home.

Thank God, it was a wreck he walked away from. If he hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt, I’m certain I wouldn’t be writing these words right now. I’d be with him at the hospital or worse… a “worse” that my mind doesn’t want to visit.

It was just another example of how fast and how dramatically things can change. It’s also another example of why we should always keep our lives and relationships in order. We honestly never know if we’ll have tomorrow (or this afternoon, or this evening..) to tell our loved ones that we love them or to make sure our children know how proud we are of them.

I’m not saying that we should go around each day as though a tragedy could come swooping down on us at any time. That’s not living – I’m not sure exactly what it is, but it isn’t living.

What I’m saying this: There are exceptions, and I’m fully aware of the fact, but more times than not (when it comes to relationships as well as just about anything), we reap what we sow. If we have any relationships in our life that aren’t as close as we’d like them to be, we are at least partly to blame.

Some people get so busy with work, bills, ambition, etc. that they never switch off. They are, from the time they get up in the morning until the time they go to bed in the evening, in full out “Make more, Do more, Spend more, Have more!” mode. So much so that they forget to be a family member. They forget (neglect?) to just sit and watch a couple of Andy Griffith reruns with their spouse or a football game with their children. They stop taking the family out for supper – Heaven forbid anything pull them away from their business. Sit and listen to what’s going on in their daughters’ lives? Yeah, right!

You can almost see the “What’s in it for me?” in a bubble over their head.

We are becomming far too busy as a generation and the next one will pay for it. How’s that for not mincing words?

I don’t know how many times my husband and I drove by parks this summer that were practically empty. I always wondered, “Where are the families?” Then I’d picture where they probably were – all separately doing their own things, with the parents working like mad trying to make more money to buy the kids more things. Ironically, what the kids need more than anything is the parents – not what the parents can buy them.

As for daughters and sons, they aren’t going to get off so easily! How about the ones who want mom and dad to be there if they need money, a favor, advice, and so on, yet they don’t have the time of day for their parents otherwise? There are parents who, when they see that their son/daughter is calling them, wonder aloud what they need. It shouldn’t be that way, it shouldn’t be that way, it shouldn’t be that way.

Whether you’re a husband, a wife, a parent, a son, or a daughter – I’ve said all of that just to say this: Treat your relationships with your loved ones like the treasures they are. If your mistakes are in the past, give a little shout – that’s the best place for them!

If you know, in your heart or hearts, that you could have done things differently, could have been less critical, should have worked on your temper, should have “shown up more,” etc. – start TODAY, then keep it up. In no time at all the person you wish you’d been will be the person you are.

You never, ever, ever know what train’s going to ride into your life. Don’t let regrets be on board.

Family Heirlooms, Family Recipes, and Family Memories

by joi on December 26, 2008

in Relationships

I know I touched on this a few articles ago, but I wanted to reach back and touch it again.

I hope everyone is reconnecting with their family members during Christmas and New Year’s. I like to picture families, the world over, sitting around the table laughing and telling stories. I like to picture mothers lovingly encouraging their children (of all ages!) to eat their vegetables, fathers dishing out the advice father’s like to dish out, brothers and sisters reliving the things they put their parents through, and grandparents remembering Christmas magic from the past.

I love to cook – love, love, love it. So on holidays, my family always knows where to find me.. In the kitchen amongst pots, pans, flour, ham, corn, cakes, wooden spoons, etc. It’s always so cute – my cat Alexa is always nearby and there’s always a steady stream of traffic as different family members come through to sample both my conversation and food.

At one point, my oldest daughter Emily came through with her boyfriend (great, great kids). We talked about family recipes and food for about an hour. He’s part Italian, so he was telling me all about his mother’s lasagna. As I was putting together my Corn Pudding, part of me was SO wishing it were lasagna!

I showed him cookbooks I was compiling for each of my girls – filled with my favorite recipes, tips, advice, warnings, etc. Thanks to all of my own recipes, a huge cookbook collection and my food website and blog, my girls will never run out of recipes or cooking knowledge.

Unfortunately, there will be a lot of family favorites that I can’t pass along. My mom and sister in law each died completely unexpectedly and my only living grandmother now has dementia. Each of them had favorite recipes I would LOVE to have in my collection, but I never put them there. We tend to think our loved ones will be around forever, don’t we?

Here’s something I think would be a really great idea: Family’s should compile a Family Heirloom Cookbook and ask family members to contribute each of their favorite recipes. Thanks to the internet, recipes can be e-mailed back and forth and copies can be made, so each family member can have his or her own copy.

You have no idea how happy I’d be to have my mom’s meatloaf (she was queen of meatloaf!), my mother-in-law’s Dump Cake, my father-in-law’s delicious baked fish, my sister-in-law’s spaghetti sauce, and my grandmother’s…well, everything! That woman could have taken on Bobby Flay in her day. She’d have had him on his knees begging for mercy. And seconds!

I’m going hunting this week for recipes I can still get my oven mitt on. Before she got a Cracker Barrrel within 10 minutes of her home, my aunt cooked a lot. So, I’m going to hit her up for some. I’m also going to contact family members a little further away – in distance and on the family tree. I plan on contacting another sister-in-law and begging, blackmailing or whatever it takes for her chicken and dumplings recipe. The woman weighs, like, 30 pounds soaking wet but cooks like a 240 pound southern lady.

How perfect would such a collection be for Christmas gifts next year? With all of the amazing Scrapbook kits on the market, they could be decorated beautifully and cherished forever.

As far as that goes, another great Christmas gift for 2009 would be a Family Memories Scrapbook – with or without recipes.

When it comes to talking early about Christmas and Christmas gifts, that may have just been a personal best.

Once again, I hope you’re having a beautiful Christmas season. Make every moment count double.

Why Are So Many People Lonely?

by joi on August 12, 2008

in Daily Quote, General, Relationships, Self Help

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges. – Unknown

The thought of someone being lonely makes me incredibly sad. I can’t imagine how absolutely horrible loneliness must feel. Being an only child, you’d think I’d have some idea of lonely, but pets, friends, and family (not necessarily in that order!) more than made up for a shortage of siblings.

The quote above certainly doesn’t apply to everyone who’s lonely. After all, the elderly often find themselves alone simply because they’ve had the “good fortune” of outliving their friends and spouse. If they don’t have compassionate, loving family members nearby, their days must be unbearably long.

This quote has another group of people in mind. Those who have bickered, nitpicked, stirred up trouble, and sought out strife most of their life. The crowd who no one seems to ever be able to do enough for. The ones who want “this person” to be at odds with “that person” and everyone to hate the other one. After all, what better way to rise above the crowd than to have everyone hating one another. Right? Wrong.

Without realizing it, they’re putting up walls – closing everybody out, while shutting themselves inside, alone. It doesn’t take long before they find themselves so lonely that the things that once bothered them about these other people now seem so incredibly trivial. They wonder why they didn’t have sense enough to realize that the people in our lives are our greatest treasures. Houses, cars, boats, purses, jewelry, furniture – none of that matters. Not one of them hugs back or laughs at your jokes. I’ve never had one greet me at the back door when I’ve been away and tell me they’d just put a cup of coffee on. Not even my favorite purse.

We can all agree that the people in our lives are everything to us. But do we treat them that way? Do we try to foster harmony and happiness – with fat doses of humor thrown in? Do we put our own needs AFTER theirs? Do we tell them every chance we get that we love them so much it makes our head swim?

If you think you have so much as one wall in your life – tear it down today. It’d make a perfect spot for a bridge, don’t you think?