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Choices: Good or Bad, They Pen Your Autobiography

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Quote about Choices
I read an article this morning by a mother who’d recently taken her 15 year old daughter to the DMV for her permit’s license.

Here’s an excerpt:

Yesterday I sat at the DMV with my 15 year-old daughter while an officer talked to Ashley about how important it is to make good choices. She was getting her learner’s permit and entering the often scary world of teenage drivers. “We’ve had 320 teens killed this year in fatal car accidents so we want to do everything possible to keep you safe,” the officer said sternly as she highlighted for Ashley all the many rules for new drivers. Then she suggested signing a contract with her parents incorporating these rules.

I’ve never wanted to hug a DMV officer. But, it was all I could do not to reach across the desk and throw my arms around her. My husband and I wrote a driving contract that we’ve made each of our teenaged children sign. I’m sure our kids have thought our contract to be a bit over the top. After all, none of their friends have had to sign such a document with their parents. So, it was good to hear another adult speak truth into the life of my child. –   Lysa Ter Keurst

The author or, more importantly, the mother went on to explain how her daughter was encouraged to make RIGHT decisions when behind the wheel of a car as opposed to WRONG, SILLY decisions such as texting, playing music too loud, acting foolish, taking pictures of herself or friends, and so forth.  You know, the sort of things that lead to the hospital.  Or worse.

I’ve been thinking a lot about choices lately, this article just kind of brought all of these thoughts full circle. As the old saying goes, choices are the hinges of destiny.  When we make bad choices, the odds of opening bad doors go through the roof.  Karma exists and she has teeth.

How can reasonably intelligent people make so many poor choices?  I’ve often asked myself this question and can’t say that I have any answers.  Either they aren’t as intelligent as they’re given credit for OR they fall for lies like I fall for chocolate – hard and every time.

Here’s an example:  Jersey Shore.  Plenty of people are going to hate me (and probably out loud) for this – after all, it’s a very popular show.  I, for one, am not AT ALL happy about that fact.  Here’s why.  The “cast” of Jersey Shore is known for doing two things on/off the show:

  1. Drinking – a lot.
  2. Sleeping around – a lot.

Our young people are watching this show religiously.  They’re laughing about it.  They’re dressing, tanning, and doing their hair like the Jersey Shore cast.  The show is a “reality” show but, like a lot of reality shows, it’s played up a great deal.    Problem is, a lot of young people don’t “get” that.   They see these people who come into their living rooms and bedrooms each week as funny, cool, and hot.  They’re trying to emulate them and I don’t have to tell you how that should scare the wits out of parents… all adults, for that matter.  Seriously, do we want a generation of people making nothing BUT stupid choices?!?!  What do any of these people do to make the world a better place?  How do they help those who can’t help themselves?

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” – Albert Camus

Bad Choices

Let’s take drinking alcohol. How, in any shape or form is that a good choice? Drinking isn’t smart, it isn’t cool, and it certainly isn’t pretty. Drinking, followed by driving… I’m sorry, but that’s simply ignorance in its lowest form.

How about promiscuity? Sexually-transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and hideous reputations lie on the other side of this particular door. Pretty?  Hardly

Drugs? Smoking?  Again, poor choices that don’t lead to anyplace worth going.

Drinking, drugs, and smoking harm the individual physically, mentally, and emotionally. Poor choices tend to do that – in spades.  So, why do people keep doing them?!?!  Again, I think they fall for the LIES.  They see silly, ridiculous celebrities and reality-show stars doing it and they foolishly fall for the image… “OH! This is what cool people do.  This is the only way to have fun.”

LIES.

I’m sorry if I’m preaching.  I really am.  I’m not trying to because (A) It’s not in my nature and (B) I’m not the least bit qualified to do so!  I simply want to see humans prove that they’re capable of making good choices.  As a mother, I admit my heart goes out mainly to young people.  I can’t help it – I just want to gather everyone under the age of 30 in a room and plead with them to make good choices in their life.  I want to tell them how precious their life is and how they can use it to actually do something positive in their life as well as in the world.  These young people who are so passionate about taking their pictures and posting them on Facebook… who are so passionate about hitting up weekend parties… who are so passionate about watching Jersey Shore – I wish I could make them see that they deserve more from life than that.

And it deserves more from them.

I’d love to introduce them to children with very special needs, animals who are being mistreated and neglected, abused women and children, patients who are undergoing chemo, young people who are being bullied because they’re so-called different, and so forth.  I’d love for them to see all of the needs in the world.  NEEDS that they could help take care of if they’d step outside of themselves and stop making bad decision after bad decision.

Good Choices

Two of my daughters (Emily and Stephany) and I were talking recently about taking a stand for someone or something in life.  Each of these girls does just that.  I’m ridiculously proud of them for that.  Not only do they avoid BAD choices (neither smokes or drinks, and Tylenol’s their only drug), they avoid people who make BAD choices. That’s key.  What’s more, they make GOOD choices.   Emily works with children who are challenged and feels particularly drawn to the Muscular Dystrophy cause.  She’s “all about” every cause or organization that seeks to help improve the lives of children. She understands how precious children are and would fight a zombie clown for a child she’d never met.

The clown wouldn’t stand a chance.

Stephany is my tree hugger.  She’s passionate about conservation, the environment, and saving every animal on the planet (wonder where she got that from?).  Like her mom, she often goes in a direction that some would call “too far.”  For example, she’s on an anti Swamp People crusade!  That’s my girl.  If you ask me, it’s better to go too far than to not go at all.  Steph always lets me know about what Madonna is up to – things like providing fresh water for communities, etc.   Someone who’s music I loved as a teenager is now inspiring my youngest daughter in a positive way.  I love that.

The Material Girl is using her materials to make the world a better place.

Like Angelina Jolie and other celebrities, it’s like the light kicked on.  They realized that there was far more to life than celebrating themselves or making money.  They realized that true happiness and joy come from improving other’s lives, not your own.

My middle daughter, Brittany, wasn’t with us on this particular walk and talk fest.  However, Britt also cares about making a difference in the world.  She feels passionate breast cancer research and autism.  I remember years ago, while we were homeschooling, she read about Autism in a health textbook.  It spiked her interest, so I had her do a research paper on the subject.  She fell in love with autistic individuals!  I believe she’s read every book ever written about autism.

Personally, my own causes are Down’s Syndrome, animal protection, world hunger, Muscular Dystrophy, bullying, heart disease and cancer research.  Each one of us FEELS for all of the needs, but we’ve chosen our own particular fights.  I honestly wish everyone would find what they feel most passionate about in life and follow that cause.  Support the cause(s) financially, with word of mouth… basically in any way you can.  Place badges and banners on your websites, blogs, Facebook, and Twitter pages.  Even if it takes making a pest out of yourself – sometimes that’s what it takes to get the job done!

Right, good, positive choices.  They’re better for the individual, the community, and the world in general.

Another cause I’ve really taken up is battling the drinking epidemic in young people.  Again, I don’t mind making a pest (or worse) out of myself.  In fact, I kind of insist upon it. I don’t want young people (or old ones, for that matter) throwing their lives away with one of the dumbest choices known. Keep your head and wits about you – stay in the game!  Ask Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson how cool drinking really is. It looks a hot mess if you ask me.

“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” – David Russell

Think about the quote above, it’s a beaut.  Sometimes, I believe, people can “burn” bad bridges simply by choosing a better bridge.  If you have bad choices in your life (it could even be something unrelated to one of the things we talked about – it could be anger issues, bigotry, overeating, gambling, overspending…) – call them out on the floor!  Make a decision to burn that bridge and cross a better bridge.  Take up a new, positive hobby or – better yet – a cause you feel passionate about.  If you’re burning a particular bridge that you KNOW others are on… why not take up the cause?!  After all, you know the pitfalls, the temptations, and so forth.  Pull a Harriet Tubman and go back for others who are in bondage.

You could make a positive difference in the lives of others.  What a legacy!

It’s time for the ME generation and the FACEBOOK generation to wake up and take a look around.  There’s more to life than you and more important things than letting the good times roll. Snap out of it and lend a hand.

A final thought about decisions and choices.  If you’re on the fence about something, or waving back and forth like an autumn leaf on a tree – remember this:  With time, indecision becomes decision. If you’re indecisive about making your life COUNT for something – you’re actually making your decision.  You’ve decided that it will count for nothing.

Talk about a tragedy.

If you have any special causes or crosses you’ve personally taken up, use the comments section to bring attention to them.  That’s how all great progress begins – bringing attention to the need.  If you are interested in finding a cause that needs you, first of all GOOD FOR YOU!  Second of all, one of the first places I’d go is http://pujolsfamilyfoundationblog.org/

Drug abusers young and old alike would do well to consider joining a drug addiction recovery program to completely eliminate drugs from their lives.

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

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Write It Down and Live it Out

First of all, I’d like to wish all of you a belated, but heartfelt, happy New Year! I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, I’ve just been covered in work that piled up over Christmas and New Year’s. How in the world does a house get turned inside out over Christmas breaks? Oh, wait, I remember – husbands and kids.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

2008 is getting kind of a bad rap, but it wasn’t all bad. In fact, on a grand scale and on a personal scale, I think it had plenty of wonderful things to say for itself:

  1. History was made in the Presidential election.
  2. Britney Spears fought her demons and won. Success stories always make me smile. Robert Downey, Jr. also saw a comeback of epic proportions.  Two huge movies and another just around the corner.  Welcome back, indeed.
  3. On the personal front, my daughters each met ridiculously wonderful new boyfriends. If they ever slight these boys in any way, my girls know they’ll answer to me!
  4. Again on a personal level – while my cat, Alexa, broke her leg a few months ago, I’m grateful that it wasn’t worse. And I’m positively delighted she’s right back where she belongs – lying on the desk in front of me, looking back whenever the urge for a chin scratch hits her.
  5. The USA rocked, rolled, and rallied in the Summer Olympics.  Michael Phelps amazed all of us, and I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of him.
  6. What a year for movie fanatics!  We had some great movies to enjoy this year:  Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder, Max Payne, Wanted, Kung Fu Panda, etc.   The Love Guru gave us the chance to say we’d truly seen the worst movie ever. See? There’s something good in everything. My daughter Brittany and I went to the theater to see this one together (I guess the rest of the family knew better?). The two of us had a great time, though, and it had nothing to do with the stinker of a movie.  It was so bad!  Britt and I will always have the bond of having watched the worst movie ever made together.

I know that, financially speaking, 2008 brought more than a few challenges into our lives and I, like you, am hopeful that 2009 will be kinder to our money.

Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions? Come to think of it, how do YOU feel about New Year’s resolutions? In our family of 5, only two of us actually sit down with our little notebooks and pens.  Emily and I live for New Year’s Resolutions! It’s a tradition in our house. We both get such a gleam in our eyes on New Year’s Eve that we can tell what the other’s thinking without a word. Then we whip out our notebooks and burst out with our plans for the year. Change is exciting and we literally get swept away in the moment.

Of course, if we didn’t strive (throughout the year) to meet the goals we set, it’d be just a fun little waste of time. That’s why we use our favorite notebooks to write the resolutions in. They’re right there, staring us in the face each and every day of the year. Notebook Resolutions may not work for everybody, but we firmly believe in them as much as we believe in chocolate. So we won’t be parting with our tradition (or chocolate) any time soon.

I’ve had resolutions in the past that I’ve never even come close to keeping. In fact, I have one that mysteriously shows up year after year: Learn to play the piano. I broke up with tradition this year and left it off of the list. I figured, rightfully so, that if it had ever been THAT important to me, I’d now be able to tickle the ivories a la Alicia Keys.

I think “personal motivation” is the secret to why some resolutions are kept while others are broken. For example, I had goals written on my resolution list last year that pertained to my web publishing business. I did them all. The motivation and “pay off” were important enough to me to do whatever it took to make the goals happen. Playing the piano, while it would be perfectly lovely, just didn’t drive me in the same manner.

One of the best ways to keep a resolution is to ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?”  If you can come up with the WHY, you’ll stand a better chance of coming up with the HOW. You know what a huge fan I am of notebooks and list making, so it won’t surprise you to learn that I write my reasons down. If the reasons are personal enough and if they truly matter, you will find a way to make it happen. The human spirit can’t ever be counted out. We may often look like we don’t have a clue what we’re doing, let alone what we’re going to do next – but, when it comes down to it, we’ll often go as far as we want to go. And we’ll often get whatever we’re willing to fight for.

IF the fight is worth it to us. That’s why weight loss resolutions aren’t often kept. Let’s face it, a chocolate fudge sundae with whipped topping and nuts tastes a heck of a lot better than a 30 minute walk in the park feels. (Do you have any idea what I’d give for a…. never mind.) Taking a 30 minute walk when you’d rather go to Dairy Queen is an ugly battle. But the beautiful thing is, if we win enough of these battles, we win the war!

Success tastes even better than a you know what covered with you know what from you know where.

I wish you and your loved ones a wonderful, healthy, and exciting New Year. I hope it’s full of fun, laughter, and wonderful surprises. I hope you open your world a little wider this year and stretch your wings a little further. You’re capable of doing anything you want to do and of being anyone you want to be. Don’t let anything or anyone (including yourself) get in your way.

 

A Gem from the October 2008 Issue of Success Magazine

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The October 2008 issue of Success Magazine has a mini-article titled “Healthy, Wealthy, & Wise – Your Checklist.” The reader is given 6 small but powerful goals that’ll lead him or her down a path to better health, more wealth, and increased wisdom.

Sign me up for all three.

The first tip is “Add a small fitness goal to your routine each week.” The author suggests drinking one extra glass of water each day, running for one more mile a week, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I think I can swing the extra glass of water each day. But run? Only if I’m giving chase or being chased. As for the stairs, I’m all over that one. I have no great love for elevators, so stairs are fine by me.

My favorite tip of the six is this one: “Don’t use people as mirrors.” The reader is told to have a strong sense of who he/she is without letting other people influence how they feel. This can be a hard one, can’t it?

Some of us are more inclined than others to care too much about what other people think of us. A lot of times, our own opinion of ourselves is heightened or lessened by someone else’s words. We can be feeling pretty pleased with ourselves or with a particular accomplishment until someone criticizes us. Then we basically bottom out.

As the article points out, we should try very hard to keep a healthy sense of self, without allowing others to affect it. After all, there are some people who can only make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller. After years of practice, they’ve perfected the art.

The advice is positively golden – and the more I think about it, the more golden it is.

All 6 of the tips are golden. I’ve given away two of them, if you want the other 4, grab the issue! The issue’s packed with great stuff – including the last page: “Turning Knowledge into Power, 10 Actions You Can Take Right Now.”

You can find a lot more wonderful tips, hacks, and self improvement advice on Success Magazine‘s website.

~ Joi

Surprising Source of Motivation

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Leo the Lion

I can’t say that I totally believe in astrology – but I don’t let a day go by without reading my horoscope.

Before I go any further, I want to say that there are aspects to astrology that I do believe in, I just don’t personally think the stars hold our destiny.  That responsibility is ours.

That said, I love reading horoscopes like some people love reading comics!  They’re always entertaining and, every now and again, they’re downright motivation. Some of the best advice, inspiration, and motivation lies within these daily postings.

I guess you could say that I believe in their potency but not their prophecy.

Take, for example, part of my horoscope for today:  Someone may be prodding you to take action today, dear Leo. It may be best if you beat them to it and just motivate yourself.  I love it when my daily horoscope gives me a mini lecture.  This is one I needed, too.  I tend to be far too laid back – I got that from my dad, along with low blood pressure, outrageous allergies, a tendency to get  a sunburn – even in the shade, a green thumb, mad cooking skills, and a WILD addiction to coffee.

I try to work on this particular area because it irritates me  (the overly laid back bit, I embrace the coffee addiction). I just don’t seem capable of taking enough initiatives in life – I let far too many things just float by and then I wonder, “Why didn’t I do this…” or “Why didn’t I do that….”

Of course, being laid back has it’s perks. Again, like my dad, it takes a lot to make me mad. In a world where people get furious over having to stand in line for 5 minutes, it’s kind of cool to keep your cool.

It’s as though everyone’s psyche has its own persona.  Mine?  She’s somewhere between a beachcomber, a coffee-shop beatnik, and a Bohemian flower child.  I’m the one that if someone short-changes them a dollar, let’s it go and figures that life keeps score and I’ll find one down the road somewhere.

Anyway, for some reason, reading this horoscope today has given me new determination to try and become more self-motivated – to sort of “take it” to life rather than letting life “take it” to me.

I certainly wouldn’t have opened up those avenues of thought on my own.  My daily horoscope does that just about every day – gives me food for thought with a side order of motivation. Most of the time it’s just what I ordered, and sometimes (like today) it’s so good I hadn’t even had the sense TO order it.

Free advice and motivation?  Hard to beat.

 

How to Attract What You Want in Your Life

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"One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it."  ~ Sidney Howard
“One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it.”  ~ Sidney Howard
As a Self Help diva, I’ve been thinking about the quote above all day.  Literally, the quote has been echoing in my mind since coffee cup number 1. There’s a great deal of truth in the words – truth that I’d never really thought of before.  If we want something that we don’t currently have, the odds are pretty good that we’ll have to give something up to get it.  Self improvement and self help are all about balance, after all.

  • If we want to lose weight, certain foods are going to have to get the kiss off.
  • If we want fitness, we have to give up a little (or a lot) couch time and internet surfing.
  • If we want more hours in the day, there are probably specific time-wasters we’ll have to send packing.
  • If we want to be more organized, clutter has to go.  Yeah, I know, I felt that one, too.
  • If we want better, deeper relationships, we have to abandon the concept of being out for number one.

Whatever it is we DON’T HAVE is missing for a reason.  And if we keep motoring along, as is, we’ll never have it.  After all, if we we’re drawing it to us with our present actions, wouldn’t we have it?

Around coffee cup #4, I sat myself down and had a little self help Q & A.  I brought up certain things in my life that I wish were a little different.  Let’s not get into the fact that my arms don’t remotely resemble Halle Berry’s (seriously, what does the woman do?).

I’ll get depressed if I think about my arms, so we’ll use time management as an example. It’s a pretty universal dilemma.  I, like most people, always find myself wishing I had more time.

I work at home, full time, as a web publisher. At any given time, I have between 14 and 20 websites/blogs that I write for, maintain, tweak, publicize, etc.  Now do you understand the coffee addiction?  

The number of times I draw up a daily schedule – only to have to draw up a new one is staggering. And depressing.  I recently sat down with pen and paper (along with the “regulars,” a cat nearby and a bottomless cup of coffee) and took myself to task. I realized that, like most people, I’d fallen into the trap of thinking that MORE was synonymous with BETTER.

If 5 websites are good, then 10 are better. Right?

Not so much.

I’ve realized after quite a few years (and even more crumpled up schedules scratched out on printer paper) that more isn’t always better. Sometimes LESS is actually better because then you have more of yourself to go around.  No one… and I mean no one… is at their absolute best when they’re spread out as thin as a layer of mayo on a ham sandwich.

Sometimes something has to give – no matter what area of life we’re talking about.  Truth is, sometimes its exit is what sets the stage for something better’s grand entrance.

If anything is in your way, the sooner you get rid of it – the sooner something better can come along.  Spend a little time thinking about the quote above and see what your subconscious comes up with.

It just may be the thing to open up a whole new world!