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Life is A Lot Like a Jigsaw Puzzle

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My oldest daughter Emily and I have a great love for jigsaw puzzles. We came by it honestly. My mom and aunt seemed to always have a jigsaw puzzle going when I was growing up.  Each of them had card tables set up expressly for their puzzling passion.

When Emily lived at home, we often had a jigsaw puzzle going.  We always got a big kick out of working on a masterpiece, even though it was a bit of a struggle – thanks to our cat Alexa who loves to lay right in the middle of everything, swatting pieces onto the floor just because she can. Her involvement actually added a whole new level of difficulty to the process, but that’s okay, we like a good challenge.

Working jigsaw puzzles is actually an outstanding stress-relieving activity. Whenever we have a puzzle set out, every member of the family gets in on the fun.  Whenever any of us passes by a puzzle in progress, we feel compelled to try to find a few pieces to magically fit in place.  I haven’t had a puzzle going in a while – it  seems to be one of those things that I do more frequently in seasons other than summer. Like updating blogs!  Summer cuts into my writing and updating like a sharp knife cuts into a watermelon.

The last jigsaw puzzle my family and I had going was a real beauty. There were six big, colorful hot air balloons against a blue sky with just enough fluffy clouds to make it one of the most puzzling puzzles ever.  The only one I can remember being tougher was a Times Square one that was just vicious… it’s actually still too soon to talk about that one.

One afternoon Emily and I were hard at work on the Hot Air Balloons puzzle, sipping coffee and strategically trying to find pieces of the sky that would consent to fit together.  We got tickled once because we caught ourselves trying to enforce our will a couple of times.  I mockingly acted like I was pounding one in with my fist. It, of course, didn’t see things my way – no matter how hard I pounded.  I decided to accept the inevitable and took the “difficult” piece on the same tour the last pieces of a puzzle get… a visit to each open bay or available peninsula.

Please tell me I”m not the only one to think of puzzle pieces geographically.

Life, interestingly enough, is often like a jigsaw puzzle.  Sometimes it hums along beautifully. All the pieces fit perfectly. We see the big picture of our life the way we see the big picture on the front of a puzzle’s box.  We have money in the bank, food in the refrigerator, the kids are being down-right saintly, our spouse is so close to perfect it scares us… all’s right in the world.

The pieces fit effortlessly.

Other times it seems like we can’t catch a break. Money’s tight, the kids are getting into everything, our spouse is in the worst mood in the history of moods, bills are piling up and…  Days (sometimes weeks!) when you’d be hard-pressed to find an answer if someone asked, “What are you most thankful for today?”

The pieces don’t fit.. no matter how hard we pound!

Yet, all the pieces are necessary to complete the big picture – the masterpiece that will be our life.

Have you ever worked a puzzle only to find a few pieces missing? If you have a cat like Alexa, it probably happens regularly.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve crawled around on my hands and knees peeking under sofas, appliances, tables, etc for missing pieces she swatted.  I suspect it’s all part of the game she plays called, “Let’s see how many crazy things I can make the humans do today.”

A puzzle is anything but a work of art when there’s even just one piece missing. Isn’t that crazy? There can be 999 pieces beautifully in place, but if there’s one tiny piece missing, it messes everything up.  The entire picture is ruined.

Difficult times in our lives… the pieces that don’t fit… are just as necessary to complete the “big picture.”  They may take extra time, work, and patience, but they’re necessary – every bit as necessary as the pieces that glide into place.   In fact, these times will probably always have a special place in your heart.  After our Hot Air Balloon puzzle was completed, we’d all talk about the sky each time we looked at it!  We’d remember what a struggle it was to find just the right pieces of white for each cloud and we’d remember asking each other, “How many shades of blue can actually exist?!”  Looking at the beautiful cloud-filled sky may have even been more gratifying than the big beautiful balloons.

When we look back over trying times in our lives, we’ll be able to get a certain kind of satisfaction and relief from just knowing we made it through alive! If the events made us stronger, the satisfaction will be even greater.

I’ve heard from quite a few people lately who are currently going through difficult times. I know that there are many others out there who are just trying to find ways to make the pieces fit.  When I correspond with friends I meet through Self Help Daily, one of the things I always say is, “Stay Strong…” I should say one of the many things – anyone who knows me knows that some of my e-mails should come divided into chapters!  “Stay Strong” may seem like simple little words, but if you keep them as your mindset, they can help see you through anything.

Staying strong is the key to making  it through to the other side a stronger, better person.  It’s the key to hanging in there long enough to make the pieces of the puzzle fit.

Whatever puzzle lies before you, know that you hold all of the pieces.  Keep the big picture in front of you and… yes… stay strong.

~ Joi

Choices: Good or Bad, They Pen Your Autobiography

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Quote about Choices
I read an article this morning by a mother who’d recently taken her 15 year old daughter to the DMV for her permit’s license.

Here’s an excerpt:

Yesterday I sat at the DMV with my 15 year-old daughter while an officer talked to Ashley about how important it is to make good choices. She was getting her learner’s permit and entering the often scary world of teenage drivers. “We’ve had 320 teens killed this year in fatal car accidents so we want to do everything possible to keep you safe,” the officer said sternly as she highlighted for Ashley all the many rules for new drivers. Then she suggested signing a contract with her parents incorporating these rules.

I’ve never wanted to hug a DMV officer. But, it was all I could do not to reach across the desk and throw my arms around her. My husband and I wrote a driving contract that we’ve made each of our teenaged children sign. I’m sure our kids have thought our contract to be a bit over the top. After all, none of their friends have had to sign such a document with their parents. So, it was good to hear another adult speak truth into the life of my child. –   Lysa Ter Keurst

The author or, more importantly, the mother went on to explain how her daughter was encouraged to make RIGHT decisions when behind the wheel of a car as opposed to WRONG, SILLY decisions such as texting, playing music too loud, acting foolish, taking pictures of herself or friends, and so forth.  You know, the sort of things that lead to the hospital.  Or worse.

I’ve been thinking a lot about choices lately, this article just kind of brought all of these thoughts full circle. As the old saying goes, choices are the hinges of destiny.  When we make bad choices, the odds of opening bad doors go through the roof.  Karma exists and she has teeth.

How can reasonably intelligent people make so many poor choices?  I’ve often asked myself this question and can’t say that I have any answers.  Either they aren’t as intelligent as they’re given credit for OR they fall for lies like I fall for chocolate – hard and every time.

Here’s an example:  Jersey Shore.  Plenty of people are going to hate me (and probably out loud) for this – after all, it’s a very popular show.  I, for one, am not AT ALL happy about that fact.  Here’s why.  The “cast” of Jersey Shore is known for doing two things on/off the show:

  1. Drinking – a lot.
  2. Sleeping around – a lot.

Our young people are watching this show religiously.  They’re laughing about it.  They’re dressing, tanning, and doing their hair like the Jersey Shore cast.  The show is a “reality” show but, like a lot of reality shows, it’s played up a great deal.    Problem is, a lot of young people don’t “get” that.   They see these people who come into their living rooms and bedrooms each week as funny, cool, and hot.  They’re trying to emulate them and I don’t have to tell you how that should scare the wits out of parents… all adults, for that matter.  Seriously, do we want a generation of people making nothing BUT stupid choices?!?!  What do any of these people do to make the world a better place?  How do they help those who can’t help themselves?

“Life is the sum of all your choices.” – Albert Camus

Bad Choices

Let’s take drinking alcohol. How, in any shape or form is that a good choice? Drinking isn’t smart, it isn’t cool, and it certainly isn’t pretty. Drinking, followed by driving… I’m sorry, but that’s simply ignorance in its lowest form.

How about promiscuity? Sexually-transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, and hideous reputations lie on the other side of this particular door. Pretty?  Hardly

Drugs? Smoking?  Again, poor choices that don’t lead to anyplace worth going.

Drinking, drugs, and smoking harm the individual physically, mentally, and emotionally. Poor choices tend to do that – in spades.  So, why do people keep doing them?!?!  Again, I think they fall for the LIES.  They see silly, ridiculous celebrities and reality-show stars doing it and they foolishly fall for the image… “OH! This is what cool people do.  This is the only way to have fun.”

LIES.

I’m sorry if I’m preaching.  I really am.  I’m not trying to because (A) It’s not in my nature and (B) I’m not the least bit qualified to do so!  I simply want to see humans prove that they’re capable of making good choices.  As a mother, I admit my heart goes out mainly to young people.  I can’t help it – I just want to gather everyone under the age of 30 in a room and plead with them to make good choices in their life.  I want to tell them how precious their life is and how they can use it to actually do something positive in their life as well as in the world.  These young people who are so passionate about taking their pictures and posting them on Facebook… who are so passionate about hitting up weekend parties… who are so passionate about watching Jersey Shore – I wish I could make them see that they deserve more from life than that.

And it deserves more from them.

I’d love to introduce them to children with very special needs, animals who are being mistreated and neglected, abused women and children, patients who are undergoing chemo, young people who are being bullied because they’re so-called different, and so forth.  I’d love for them to see all of the needs in the world.  NEEDS that they could help take care of if they’d step outside of themselves and stop making bad decision after bad decision.

Good Choices

Two of my daughters (Emily and Stephany) and I were talking recently about taking a stand for someone or something in life.  Each of these girls does just that.  I’m ridiculously proud of them for that.  Not only do they avoid BAD choices (neither smokes or drinks, and Tylenol’s their only drug), they avoid people who make BAD choices. That’s key.  What’s more, they make GOOD choices.   Emily works with children who are challenged and feels particularly drawn to the Muscular Dystrophy cause.  She’s “all about” every cause or organization that seeks to help improve the lives of children. She understands how precious children are and would fight a zombie clown for a child she’d never met.

The clown wouldn’t stand a chance.

Stephany is my tree hugger.  She’s passionate about conservation, the environment, and saving every animal on the planet (wonder where she got that from?).  Like her mom, she often goes in a direction that some would call “too far.”  For example, she’s on an anti Swamp People crusade!  That’s my girl.  If you ask me, it’s better to go too far than to not go at all.  Steph always lets me know about what Madonna is up to – things like providing fresh water for communities, etc.   Someone who’s music I loved as a teenager is now inspiring my youngest daughter in a positive way.  I love that.

The Material Girl is using her materials to make the world a better place.

Like Angelina Jolie and other celebrities, it’s like the light kicked on.  They realized that there was far more to life than celebrating themselves or making money.  They realized that true happiness and joy come from improving other’s lives, not your own.

My middle daughter, Brittany, wasn’t with us on this particular walk and talk fest.  However, Britt also cares about making a difference in the world.  She feels passionate breast cancer research and autism.  I remember years ago, while we were homeschooling, she read about Autism in a health textbook.  It spiked her interest, so I had her do a research paper on the subject.  She fell in love with autistic individuals!  I believe she’s read every book ever written about autism.

Personally, my own causes are Down’s Syndrome, animal protection, world hunger, Muscular Dystrophy, bullying, heart disease and cancer research.  Each one of us FEELS for all of the needs, but we’ve chosen our own particular fights.  I honestly wish everyone would find what they feel most passionate about in life and follow that cause.  Support the cause(s) financially, with word of mouth… basically in any way you can.  Place badges and banners on your websites, blogs, Facebook, and Twitter pages.  Even if it takes making a pest out of yourself – sometimes that’s what it takes to get the job done!

Right, good, positive choices.  They’re better for the individual, the community, and the world in general.

Another cause I’ve really taken up is battling the drinking epidemic in young people.  Again, I don’t mind making a pest (or worse) out of myself.  In fact, I kind of insist upon it. I don’t want young people (or old ones, for that matter) throwing their lives away with one of the dumbest choices known. Keep your head and wits about you – stay in the game!  Ask Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson how cool drinking really is. It looks a hot mess if you ask me.

“The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” – David Russell

Think about the quote above, it’s a beaut.  Sometimes, I believe, people can “burn” bad bridges simply by choosing a better bridge.  If you have bad choices in your life (it could even be something unrelated to one of the things we talked about – it could be anger issues, bigotry, overeating, gambling, overspending…) – call them out on the floor!  Make a decision to burn that bridge and cross a better bridge.  Take up a new, positive hobby or – better yet – a cause you feel passionate about.  If you’re burning a particular bridge that you KNOW others are on… why not take up the cause?!  After all, you know the pitfalls, the temptations, and so forth.  Pull a Harriet Tubman and go back for others who are in bondage.

You could make a positive difference in the lives of others.  What a legacy!

It’s time for the ME generation and the FACEBOOK generation to wake up and take a look around.  There’s more to life than you and more important things than letting the good times roll. Snap out of it and lend a hand.

A final thought about decisions and choices.  If you’re on the fence about something, or waving back and forth like an autumn leaf on a tree – remember this:  With time, indecision becomes decision. If you’re indecisive about making your life COUNT for something – you’re actually making your decision.  You’ve decided that it will count for nothing.

Talk about a tragedy.

If you have any special causes or crosses you’ve personally taken up, use the comments section to bring attention to them.  That’s how all great progress begins – bringing attention to the need.  If you are interested in finding a cause that needs you, first of all GOOD FOR YOU!  Second of all, one of the first places I’d go is http://pujolsfamilyfoundationblog.org/

Drug abusers young and old alike would do well to consider joining a drug addiction recovery program to completely eliminate drugs from their lives.

How to Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions

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Write It Down and Live it Out

First of all, I’d like to wish all of you a belated, but heartfelt, happy New Year! I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth, I’ve just been covered in work that piled up over Christmas and New Year’s. How in the world does a house get turned inside out over Christmas breaks? Oh, wait, I remember – husbands and kids.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

2008 is getting kind of a bad rap, but it wasn’t all bad. In fact, on a grand scale and on a personal scale, I think it had plenty of wonderful things to say for itself:

  1. History was made in the Presidential election.
  2. Britney Spears fought her demons and won. Success stories always make me smile. Robert Downey, Jr. also saw a comeback of epic proportions.  Two huge movies and another just around the corner.  Welcome back, indeed.
  3. On the personal front, my daughters each met ridiculously wonderful new boyfriends. If they ever slight these boys in any way, my girls know they’ll answer to me!
  4. Again on a personal level – while my cat, Alexa, broke her leg a few months ago, I’m grateful that it wasn’t worse. And I’m positively delighted she’s right back where she belongs – lying on the desk in front of me, looking back whenever the urge for a chin scratch hits her.
  5. The USA rocked, rolled, and rallied in the Summer Olympics.  Michael Phelps amazed all of us, and I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of him.
  6. What a year for movie fanatics!  We had some great movies to enjoy this year:  Iron Man, The Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder, Max Payne, Wanted, Kung Fu Panda, etc.   The Love Guru gave us the chance to say we’d truly seen the worst movie ever. See? There’s something good in everything. My daughter Brittany and I went to the theater to see this one together (I guess the rest of the family knew better?). The two of us had a great time, though, and it had nothing to do with the stinker of a movie.  It was so bad!  Britt and I will always have the bond of having watched the worst movie ever made together.

I know that, financially speaking, 2008 brought more than a few challenges into our lives and I, like you, am hopeful that 2009 will be kinder to our money.

Have you made your New Year’s Resolutions? Come to think of it, how do YOU feel about New Year’s resolutions? In our family of 5, only two of us actually sit down with our little notebooks and pens.  Emily and I live for New Year’s Resolutions! It’s a tradition in our house. We both get such a gleam in our eyes on New Year’s Eve that we can tell what the other’s thinking without a word. Then we whip out our notebooks and burst out with our plans for the year. Change is exciting and we literally get swept away in the moment.

Of course, if we didn’t strive (throughout the year) to meet the goals we set, it’d be just a fun little waste of time. That’s why we use our favorite notebooks to write the resolutions in. They’re right there, staring us in the face each and every day of the year. Notebook Resolutions may not work for everybody, but we firmly believe in them as much as we believe in chocolate. So we won’t be parting with our tradition (or chocolate) any time soon.

I’ve had resolutions in the past that I’ve never even come close to keeping. In fact, I have one that mysteriously shows up year after year: Learn to play the piano. I broke up with tradition this year and left it off of the list. I figured, rightfully so, that if it had ever been THAT important to me, I’d now be able to tickle the ivories a la Alicia Keys.

I think “personal motivation” is the secret to why some resolutions are kept while others are broken. For example, I had goals written on my resolution list last year that pertained to my web publishing business. I did them all. The motivation and “pay off” were important enough to me to do whatever it took to make the goals happen. Playing the piano, while it would be perfectly lovely, just didn’t drive me in the same manner.

One of the best ways to keep a resolution is to ask yourself, “Why is this important to me?”  If you can come up with the WHY, you’ll stand a better chance of coming up with the HOW. You know what a huge fan I am of notebooks and list making, so it won’t surprise you to learn that I write my reasons down. If the reasons are personal enough and if they truly matter, you will find a way to make it happen. The human spirit can’t ever be counted out. We may often look like we don’t have a clue what we’re doing, let alone what we’re going to do next – but, when it comes down to it, we’ll often go as far as we want to go. And we’ll often get whatever we’re willing to fight for.

IF the fight is worth it to us. That’s why weight loss resolutions aren’t often kept. Let’s face it, a chocolate fudge sundae with whipped topping and nuts tastes a heck of a lot better than a 30 minute walk in the park feels. (Do you have any idea what I’d give for a…. never mind.) Taking a 30 minute walk when you’d rather go to Dairy Queen is an ugly battle. But the beautiful thing is, if we win enough of these battles, we win the war!

Success tastes even better than a you know what covered with you know what from you know where.

I wish you and your loved ones a wonderful, healthy, and exciting New Year. I hope it’s full of fun, laughter, and wonderful surprises. I hope you open your world a little wider this year and stretch your wings a little further. You’re capable of doing anything you want to do and of being anyone you want to be. Don’t let anything or anyone (including yourself) get in your way.

 

A Gem from the October 2008 Issue of Success Magazine

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The October 2008 issue of Success Magazine has a mini-article titled “Healthy, Wealthy, & Wise – Your Checklist.” The reader is given 6 small but powerful goals that’ll lead him or her down a path to better health, more wealth, and increased wisdom.

Sign me up for all three.

The first tip is “Add a small fitness goal to your routine each week.” The author suggests drinking one extra glass of water each day, running for one more mile a week, or taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I think I can swing the extra glass of water each day. But run? Only if I’m giving chase or being chased. As for the stairs, I’m all over that one. I have no great love for elevators, so stairs are fine by me.

My favorite tip of the six is this one: “Don’t use people as mirrors.” The reader is told to have a strong sense of who he/she is without letting other people influence how they feel. This can be a hard one, can’t it?

Some of us are more inclined than others to care too much about what other people think of us. A lot of times, our own opinion of ourselves is heightened or lessened by someone else’s words. We can be feeling pretty pleased with ourselves or with a particular accomplishment until someone criticizes us. Then we basically bottom out.

As the article points out, we should try very hard to keep a healthy sense of self, without allowing others to affect it. After all, there are some people who can only make themselves feel bigger by making others feel smaller. After years of practice, they’ve perfected the art.

The advice is positively golden – and the more I think about it, the more golden it is.

All 6 of the tips are golden. I’ve given away two of them, if you want the other 4, grab the issue! The issue’s packed with great stuff – including the last page: “Turning Knowledge into Power, 10 Actions You Can Take Right Now.”

You can find a lot more wonderful tips, hacks, and self improvement advice on Success Magazine‘s website.

~ Joi

Surprising Source of Motivation

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Leo the Lion

I can’t say that I totally believe in astrology – but I don’t let a day go by without reading my horoscope.

Before I go any further, I want to say that there are aspects to astrology that I do believe in, I just don’t personally think the stars hold our destiny.  That responsibility is ours.

That said, I love reading horoscopes like some people love reading comics!  They’re always entertaining and, every now and again, they’re downright motivation. Some of the best advice, inspiration, and motivation lies within these daily postings.

I guess you could say that I believe in their potency but not their prophecy.

Take, for example, part of my horoscope for today:  Someone may be prodding you to take action today, dear Leo. It may be best if you beat them to it and just motivate yourself.  I love it when my daily horoscope gives me a mini lecture.  This is one I needed, too.  I tend to be far too laid back – I got that from my dad, along with low blood pressure, outrageous allergies, a tendency to get  a sunburn – even in the shade, a green thumb, mad cooking skills, and a WILD addiction to coffee.

I try to work on this particular area because it irritates me  (the overly laid back bit, I embrace the coffee addiction). I just don’t seem capable of taking enough initiatives in life – I let far too many things just float by and then I wonder, “Why didn’t I do this…” or “Why didn’t I do that….”

Of course, being laid back has it’s perks. Again, like my dad, it takes a lot to make me mad. In a world where people get furious over having to stand in line for 5 minutes, it’s kind of cool to keep your cool.

It’s as though everyone’s psyche has its own persona.  Mine?  She’s somewhere between a beachcomber, a coffee-shop beatnik, and a Bohemian flower child.  I’m the one that if someone short-changes them a dollar, let’s it go and figures that life keeps score and I’ll find one down the road somewhere.

Anyway, for some reason, reading this horoscope today has given me new determination to try and become more self-motivated – to sort of “take it” to life rather than letting life “take it” to me.

I certainly wouldn’t have opened up those avenues of thought on my own.  My daily horoscope does that just about every day – gives me food for thought with a side order of motivation. Most of the time it’s just what I ordered, and sometimes (like today) it’s so good I hadn’t even had the sense TO order it.

Free advice and motivation?  Hard to beat.