Archives for January 2009

Dealing With Stress Before Stress Has a Chance to Deal With You

January 26, 2009 by Joi 13 Comments

There’s a shockingly disturbing trend I’m seeing in e-mail, on blogs, and in the news. More and more people are suffering from:

Anxiety and Anxiety Attacks
Heart Problems
Stress
Sleeplessness

These, when they take a nasty turn, can lead to further health problems, relationship problems, financial setbacks, and a general loss in quality of life. At least, in most of the cases I’ve seen, most people are actively trying to make themselves better by making necessary changes. But, man oh man, can change ever be hard.

When it comes to oversimplifying things, I’m so guilty I should be locked up for life. I’m well aware of that. But having acknowledged the fact, I still have to say that I think the answers to these problems are often within our own power. It’s sort of like me this morning. I woke up at 3:15 dying for something to drink. I knew I’d left a cup in the bathroom adjacent to our bedroom. With eyes barely open, somehow I managed to turn the water on. Then my only problem was, “Where’d that darn cup go?” I felt around on the counter in the dark with my left hand, then it occurred to me – the cup was in my right hand. I must have absentmindedly picked it up before turning the water on.

I had just what I needed, I just didn’t realize it. I think that’s the same with the malady of problems were all seeing in one form or another.

Below are a few Simple Steps that I think can get us all back on the right track. They’re steps we all should become familiar with because from where I sit, there are two groups of people: 1. The ones who can recognize themselves in the bullet points above, and 2. The ones who will become all too familiar with them tomorrow if they don’t make changes today.

Step 1

Just this once, put yourself first. Ask the following questions:

When am I the happiest?
When am I the most at peace?
When am I the most stressed?
When do I feel the most anxious?

Closely examine your answers. At the risk of exceeding even my own simplistic boundaries: Find more time for doing those things that make you the happiest and bring about the most peace and do everything in your power to cut back on those things that stress you out or cause anxiousness.

I hate using myself as examples, because I certainly don’t want anyone to think for a second that I consider myself an ideal anything (Aside, that is, from being a great mom and wife – I look at my family and figure I must be doing something right). Like most people, I learn from experience. Since I’m such a busy bee, I have more than my share of experiences, so I have more than my share of lessons!

Anyway, nearly a year ago I had a regular checkup with my lovely doctor. She’s Ukrainian and I could listen to her accent forever – even when she was telling me how my blood pressure was so much higher than it used to be. It was a shock to both of us because mine has always been incredibly low. On the 45 minute trip home, my youngest daughter and I talked it out. I had been incredibly busy with our home business. We had moved servers, added websites, increased the number of blogs we were publishing, and I had a few new projects lined up that I was a little antsy about.

I was putting in a lot more hours than usual at the computer and to stay alert, I drank even more coffee than usual (and for me, that’s nearly an obscene amount). I would honestly stress if I was 1 hour late answering e-mail. And if I went a day without posting on my blogs? Forget about it! I felt like I’d messed up big time.

Looking back now, I marvel that I didn’t kill myself!

By the time we pulled into the driveway, my young physician (and also lovely, thank you very much – I could listen to this one’s Kentucky accent two forever’s) had decided that it was time to cut back – on caffeine and work hours.

My approach was, “What will become of my websites and blogs if I cut back?” Her approach was, “What will become of your family if something happens to their mom and wife?”

Point made. Point taken.

I began drinking my very regular/very beloved caffeinated coffee in the morning, but fell head over heels in love with drinking hot green tea and other decaffeinated tea in the evenings. (I sleep better as a result!)

I actually dropped a few online projects and, even, got rid of a few blogs. I began stopping whatever I was doing online (unless, of course, it was for someone else) at a certain time each day. I assigned a “cut off” when online world ended and offline world took over completely. It may seem minor to others, but it was major for me.

I also made a point of doing things that make me happy more often: Watching movies, watching birds, reading about polar bears, living green, and other endangered animals (basically getting my Save the World on), doing yoga, watching tv, and cooking – I’m never happier than when I’m cooking. Mentally saying, “This is when work totally begins and this when work totally ends” helped me a lot.

How much of an impact did it have? When I went back for a checkup just 6 months later (she made me schedule it that soon because she was so concerned about the b.p.), her jaw dropped when she saw that it was completely back to where it had been. She even asked me, “What have you been doing?” Then when I left, she said, “Keep doing what you’re doing!”

I have been. (Two) Doctors’ orders.

When you’ve determined what things bring peace into your life, invite them right in and never allow them to leave.

As for the things that bring you stress, keep something in mind. Many times, even things that we love can become stressful, if we allow them to. I absolutely LOVE writing, responding to e-mail, blogging, and all of the aspects of working and playing online. My approach just needed to be tweaked a little bit – I didn’t even realize I was experiencing stress until I got it under control.

Step 2

Eat a good diet and make certain that you’re getting enough rest. Again, simple as pie, right? Then why aren’t we all doing these things more often?!

Our bodies will function a lot better if we’re more aware of what we put into them. Eat more fruits and vegetables, drink more water, and take a multivitamin if you think you’re not getting all the vitamins you need. I also strongly recommend drinking Green Tea daily. Your body will love you for it.

As for rest, if you’re like most people, you aren’t getting enough. Aim for a little more.

Step 3

Realize that you can’t do everything. Learn to say “No” to a few things before you’re forced to say “No” to a lot more. There is nothing in the world that’s important enough to gamble with your health. Not a spotless house, not popularity, not a raise, and certainly not money. Good health beats all of these temporal things, hands down.

I know I’ve rambled on. This post has become much longer than I intended for it to. But this is a subject that I feel very strongly about and I want to get the word out there – to as many people as possible, as soon as possible. If it seems like I’m making this a life or death situation, it’s because it is. Please examine your workload, your level of stress and anxiety and adjust your lifestyle accordingly. Chill the heck out and do everything to make sure that you’re not just in this for the long haul – but that you’re going to razzle and dazzle every step of the way!

You wear razzle and dazzle so well.

Road Rules: Be the Truck Not the Squirrel by Andrew J. Sherman

January 24, 2009 by Joi 14 Comments

Earlier this month, my husband’s car hit an oily patch in the road, so it decided to dive into a deep ditch. Car, totaled. Husband, sore. Wife, completely shaken.

I didn’t think January 2009 and I were going to get along. However, things have picked up considerably.

The inauguration has left me, and the country I love so much, hopeful and proud. It seems to me that everyone’s walking a little taller and daring to hope with a few less reservations. Irregardless of which party you’re aligned with or which wonderful man you voted for, that’s a beautiful thing.

I’ve also seen what proved to be one of my favorite movies ever (Gran Torino). Given the fact that Clint Eastwood is one of my three favorite actors, ever, I’m especially thrilled.

Recently, the positive vibe continued in a very big, literary way, when I had the pleasure of reading a fantastic book, Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life by Andrew J. Sherman. This is an intelligent, incredibly well-written, humorous, motivating, and inspiring book. If self improvement is high on your list, this should be the next book you read.

Many times, when I’m reading a book, a particular phrase or word will keep popping into my mind. While reading Road Rules, the words/phrases were “Brilliant!” and “Ooooh.” Okay, so maybe Oooooh doesn’t qualify for a word or a phrase, but it certainly qualifies for this book. I was struck, again and again, by the clever analogies author Andrew J. Sherman uses while comparing living to driving.

Trying to pick a favorite section of the book would be like trying to pick a favorite aspect of eating chocolate, but I do want to share one of the favorites. In Chapter 3, Happiness is a Clear Windshield, the author points out ways we become complacent – behind the wheel as well as in life. He points out how this impedes our vision. After giving maddening examples of how drivers allow their vision to be hindered (by not taking 10 extra minutes to clean their windshield, for example), he brings the subject, beautifully, into real life terms:

If you need to refill your metaphorical windshield wiper fluid, replace worn down wiper blades, or get your defogger to work properly, then be proactive and make it happen. If you have the power to remove impediments to your vision, do so without delay. Never, ever be complacent or reactive in accepting a clouded outlook when you have the ability to enjoy clear sight….

Our ability to thrive, perform, succeed and enjoy life relies on our ability to see things clearly, to make the right decisions and to have all of the information and perspectives available to make these decisions. If we have the power to remove the impediments to our vision, we should do so with gumption and without delay.

About the Author

Andrew J. Sherman is a world recognized public speaker and author. He has been an adjunct professor at the University of Maryland’s Smith School of Business for over 20 years. He has been quoted as a thought leader in countless publications, including the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and the Washington Post. He has appeared on numerous television shows such as CNN an CNBC as well as many radio shows.

Andrew J. Sherman has authored 17 books on business strategy, business growth, and strategic planning. His fans (and I’m a card waving member) are hoping to see a Road Rules for Business in the near future.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that in 2002, Fortune Magazine named Andrew J. Sherman as one of the Top Ten Minds in the nation? More Books by Andrew J. Sherman

PREFACE

For most of us, our daily commute or a drive to the mall is not a particularly enlightening experience. We are more likely to suffer from boredom, road rage, frustration, or even a fender bender than we are to embrace life’s most meaningful lessons. But what if I told you that virtually everything you needed to know about navigating the road of life could be learned during a routine errand run, behind the comfort of your steering wheel?
So many of our core life lessons are reinforced by the simple act of driving a vehicle:

when to speed up and when to slow down
when to yield and when to come to a complete stop
when to add gas and when to add oil
when to allow another to pass you by and when to make your move
when to proceed with caution because children are playing or there is construction ahead
when to give your keys to a friend to avoid driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol
when and how to communicate when it is not clear who has the right of way

The lessons that we learn on the road that get us to our destination are in fact the same lessons that we need to understand to achieve our goals in life. The rules that we must follow to maintain our driver’s licenses—our privilege of sharing the road with others—are the same rules we need to embrace to lead an enlightened and productive life.
Road Rules was written to provide insights into the process of transforming what we know to be the best practices and habits of safe and purposeful driving into living a meaningful and goal-driven life. A life that is devoted to helping others, helping ourselves, and achieving financial and wealth goals.
It is my hope that this collection of insights and stories will help you navigate through life’s challenges, roadblocks, twists and turns, steep declines, and upward opportunities. My goal is to help you look at things just a bit differently and to solve problems just a bit more creatively.

Sometimes adjusting the compass dial only a few degrees in one direction or another can put you on a much more efficient path and be the key to survival and prosperity.
Think back to your first driving lesson. You take your place behind the wheel, learning the critical difference of when to accelerate and when to brake. You learn how to drive on a straight and focused path and the importance of taking into account the actions of others around you. The excitement of hearing the engine for the first time when you start the car is offset only by the nervousness of wanting to avoid hitting something or someone, which will surely cause damage.

So many aspects of the basic steps in driving a vehicle also parallel many of life’s more critical lessons—which are all wrapped up in an activity that most of us take for granted and without giving it a second thought. We seem to have lost sight of our ability to find joy and excitement from the simple act of driving. You are traveling just inches above the road at 65 mph on an open stretch of road on a beautiful day! Let’s learn to reconnect with the happiness to be found in the simple things in life that make our quest for the more complex easier to handle.

Buy this extremely important, profound, humorous, and wonderful book on Amazon: Road Rules: Be the Truck. Not the Squirrel. Learn the 12 Essential Rules for Navigating the Road of Life – if, that is, you want more from life.

Martin Luther King, Jr Quote About Love

January 19, 2009 by Joi 4 Comments

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Martin Luther King, Jr

Today, as we reflect on Martin Luther King, Jr, think about all the things that this man was up against. The fight didn’t make him bitter.. it made him better. He could have played it safe, couldn’t he? He could have stayed at home, safe and sound with his beautiful family. No doubt, he would have lived a lot longer. But he was more interested in standing up for what he knew was right. The world’s a better place because Martin Luther King, Jr fought back and did so in the right way.

My husband and I were watching a movie a few weeks ago. One of the characters said, heroes only appear when the world needs them the most. My first thoughts were Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, Jr, Abraham Lincoln, and Harriet Tubman. Then just as these names proved the character’s point in the best possible way, my mind turned to yet another name.

Hope clings to the thought that he’ll also prove himself in the best possible way. I for one believe he will.

The name was Barack Obama and he’s about to get his chance.

Three Simple Ways to Beat the Winter Blues

January 18, 2009 by Joi 4 Comments

I’ve gotten about 5 e-mails this month, alone, that had the same question in mind, “How do you overcome the winter blues?!”

For some reason, I’ve never personally had this problem. Maybe it’s because I associate so many things that I love with winter: Christmas, snow, hot chocolate, chili, UK basketball, football (go Denver Broncos, go), sweaters, homemade soup, hot apple cider, snow, my family being home more often, even more coffee than normal… did I mention snow?

Yep. I’m one of those crazy birds that loves snow. A peaceful snowy morning redefines the word “quiet” and I lose myself in the moment every single time.

Maybe that’s why when I hear the words “Winter Blues,” my first thoughts are “Why? What? It’s winter!” I know I’m probably in a very exclusive club – people who don’t feel blue whatsoever during the winter months. You can easily recognize us odd ducks. We’re the ones running around with our Starbucks cups, all bundled up and smiling when someone says there’s snow in the forecast. I actually had a young girl tell me once, “You snow loons make me nuts!”

We won’t go into the fact that the young girl was my own daughter Brittany – the BIGGEST hot weather enthusiast in the entire world. When I run from window to window watching snow fall gracefully to the grown, I think I wound her soul a little bit.

All kidding aside, dealing with the “Winter Blues” is a very real problem for many people. So what follows are 3 suggestions that I think can help take the sting out of shorter days and a lack of sunshine. Even if you’re like Brittany, you can actually survive the winter months and maybe even miss then when they’re gone.

Maybe just a little?

How to Deal With and Even Overcome the Winter Blues:

Fall in love with the season! Okay, if you’re feeling blue, this may seem like a stretch – but your happiness depends upon your open-mindedness. Remind yourself of the things that only come around (or at least happen more often) when the weather turns cold: NFL, hockey, homemade soup, special seasonal Starbucks’ drinks, homemade bread, chili, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, college football, college basketball, prime time premieres, skiing, snow cream, snowmen, sledding, cozy evenings watching television, apple cider, hot chocolate, no yard work, your family’s home more often (depending upon the family, I guess that could go either way), etc. Watch DVDs, play Scrabble, Uno, Life, Trivia Pursuit, or Monopoly. Grab the most difficult looking jigsaw puzzle in town and set up a special table just for it. I almost always have at least one puzzle “going” all winter. Different members of the family will stop by and try to wiggle in a few pieces. The fact that it’s something we only do during the winter means that there’s yet one more fun thing to associate with cold weather.
Talk it out. Grab someone’s ears and talk through your feelings, even if it’s your cat’s ears. Sometimes, when we let our emotions have their say, we’ll find out what’s at the heart of the matter. The root of the blues may be a case of grief. Winter often brings a longing for people who have passed away – especially around Christmas. People make the mistake of thinking that talking about these loved ones makes the feelings worse. Au contraire! Talking about loved ones keeps them alive in our minds and hearts. We come to realize that they aren’t gone… they’re just a thought away. If the “root” of the problem has absolutely, positively nothing to do with winter, itself, you may realize you’ve been blaming a pretty cozy season for something that really doesn’t have anything to do with it. When you realize what’s really at the heart of your feelings, you’ll free yourself up to actually enjoy the cold months. And the snow.
Get out of the house and, most definitely, get out of the office. Try to keep things as normal as possible. If you enjoyed a daily walk in the park during the warm months, bundle up and waddle around the trail in the cold months. The sunshine, such as it is, will do you as much good as the activity will. Getting regular doses of both act upon a human the way catnip does a cat. One of the many things I love about winter is the eagerness of the birds. I’m a world class bird feeder/bird watcher, so I love to prepare special wintry meals for them – lots of sunflower seeds, nuts, berries, popcorn, and assorted bread crumbs. I also love to leave food out for our raccoons and possums. The occasional skunk will saunter up and feed and we all hold our breath – hoping not to be sprayed, but man are they cute. These guys always give us wonderful entertainment that’s hard to beat. Fortunately, our cats don’t mind them and they don’t mind the cats. If you enjoy photography, you’ll find endless beautiful scenes in winter. Bottom line, grab your camera and get out of the house!

For those Negative Nancys who actually enjoy misery, there are a few ways to invite the blues to stick around. To keep the winter blues in your life longer:

Stay cooped up indoors. Pull the curtains and close the blinds don’t get out of the house unless it’s an emergency. Become a recluse and stare at the same walls day in, day out.
Dwell on warmer climates and warmer months. Set beach scenes as your wallpaper and get kind misty eyed each time you look at it. Talk at length about summer days, warm weather, and how much you prefer summer clothes, flip flops, and grilling out.
Complain until your lungs give out. This one’s especially powerful. It can make the blues turn into something far worse. You see, each time you complain about the wind gusts, the snow, the cold nose, chapped lips, and so on – you make the situation grow a little larger. Saying things out loud and dwelling on them in your mind always cause them to grow in strength. Dwell, baby, dwell! Now I’m not talking about the little “Brrrr, it’s colder than death’s fingers out there.” type of statement. That’s just giving credit where credit is due. I’m talking about bellyaching and nagging and yelling and feeling sorry for yourself. That’s the stuff that’ll keep the blues around.

One final thought – a piece of advice that kind of sounds ridiculous (and maybe a little trite) is actually spot on: Fake it ’til you make it. ACT like you’re gung ho about winter. Buy a great looking new sweater or colorful gloves or maybe even a pair of boots that caught your eye. Set winter scenes as your iPhone and computer’s background Talk incessantly about how much you love this time of year. Before you know it, you’ll have everyone else fooled… and most importantly, you’ll convince yourself that you’re in a Winter Wonderland and corpulent be happier!

Also See How to Overcome the Winter Blues for more things to love about winter. There may or may not be a list and Rudolph may or may not be on it.

*** Just a reminder, if you have any blankets, winter coats, sweaters, gloves, hats, etc. you aren’t using – take them to your local Good Will or Salvation Army today.

How to Live Longer and Better (Part 2)

January 13, 2009 by Joi 3 Comments

Continued from Part 1 of How to Live Longer and Better…

Laughter Really IS the Best Medicine

One of my favorite sayings, and one that I suppose would be my third motto (in addition to Give me coffee and Give me chocolate) is “Live, Love, and Laugh.” To me, these three words just say it all. I just don’t see any way to have one of them without the other two, and if you could – why would you want to?

Laughter is one of those things that makes you feel good from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet. When you’re in the middle of a great laugh, nothing else matters in the world. That’s what makes it such a mentally healthy thing to do. It’s the best way to keep worries and anxieties at arm’s length. It’s puzzling to me, but some people just don’t seem to know how to laugh and have fun with life. They’re far too serious and far too critical. I’d get ticked at them, but I kind of feel sorry for them.

Each day, look for things to laugh about. Turn on an Andy Griffith, Sanford and Son, or I Love Lucy rerun. Pop in a Friends dvd. Look for Dane Cook or Bill Cosby on YouTube. Loosen up and Laugh! Not only will your family, friends and co-workers enjoy your company more – you’ll feel better, live longer, and be oh so much happier.

Hang Out With Your Elders

In Part 1, we talked about hanging out with young people. (I guarantee, they’ll keep you young at heart and in mind.) Now, it’s time for the flip side. We should do ourselves a world of good by enjoying the company of older people as well. They’re precious, too! They have so much wisdom and wit to share with us, if we just slow down and take the time to allow them to do so. We think we have all the answers, don’t we? Heck, we don’t even know all of the questions!

If you have older family members or friends, ask their advice and seek out their knowledge. They’ve been around longer, seen more, and experienced more. Chances are they have a lot they could teach us and would feel overjoyed to do just that.

Don’t Worry, Be Proactive

It would be easy to say, “Don’t ever worry,” but that’s pretty close to nonesense. Sometimes we’re going to worry! If it’s a really, really stormy evening and one of my daughters was due home over an hour ago but is nowhere in sight, I’m not going to be doing cartwheels in the front yard. Worry will have crept into my heart and onto my face – I don’t have any problem admitting that. The key is, when we feel a good old case of worry (or the frets) coming on – we need to take action. In the scenario above, the unhealthy thing to do would be to sit and stare at the driveway. The healthier approach would be to call the daughter in question and find out where she is and if she needs to pull over. This is also where I’d tell her that her dad could come get her (after all, he’d have his shoes on and keys in his hand at this point).

We need to address that which worries us face to face – you know, see what it has to say for itself. Many times, we’ll find that its bark is worse than its bite. Other times, we’ll find that some sort of action is called for on our end. Then we know what we have to do… act!

Drink More Water

Okay, I have a problem with this one. Water? Are you kidding me? Not when there’s Diet Dr. Pepper, tea, and (what’s that other beverage called??) coffee! My husband forwarded me an article the other day that gave a great idea, though. It said that if you didn’t care for water (guilty), you should sweeten it with Stevia, a natural sweetener, and add some frozen blueberries or raspberries. I thought that was a delicious idea and I honestly plan to try it.

Drink More Tea

Antioxidants, antioxidants, antioxidants. If you aren’t a big tea drinker, become one! Experiment with green tea, white tea, black tea, Rooibos tea. The benefits of drinking tea are simply far too reaching for me to list all in one post, so to read more, visit Tea USA. The page I’ve linked you to goes right to an article about the health benefits of tea.

Dealing With Stress Before Stress Has a Chance to Deal With You