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Self Confidence

It Ain’t What They Call You…

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Confidence
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It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

The inspirational story by Walt Disney reminded me of a great poster I saw once. I searched for the miniature super hero and – ta da! – found him.  Sometimes we have people in our lives who tell us we can’t do something or, worse, they’ll make fun of us for something we ARE doing.   Fortunately, I’ve ran into that only a few times in my life. Being an only child usually involves people telling you that you surpass all of the wonders of the world and that you could move mountains if you so desired.

Oh, and that you’re just the cutest thing….

However, like everyone, I’ve had opportunities to doubt myself – usually because of what someone has said.  The first time I encountered this sort of thing, I was floored.  I nearly gave up everything I was attempting to do at the time.  Fortunately, after I cooled down, I realized that (like the little boy above) what I know I can do is what counts…. not what doubters think I can’t do.

Believe in yourself enough for you and 10 other people.  Sometimes we’re all we have! The next time someone tells you that you can’t do something or infers that you’re a fool to even try, remind yourself that it ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

Then look them in the eye and tell them, “You know, you’re not just wrong. You’re damn wrong. I can do anything I put my mind to. Grab a seat and watch.”

Confidence? Yeah, it’s like that.

Thursday Throwback: Take a Chance

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Walt Disney Quote About Failure

Sometimes I wonder if “common sense” isn’t another way of saying “fear.” And “fear” too often spells failure. – Walt Disney

Take a Chance by Walt Disney

In the lexicon of youth… there is no such word as fail! – Edward Bulwer-Lytton

I wonder how many times these sturdy old words have been used in graduation speeches each year.  Tehy take me back to my own high-school days, when I had my first pair of white flannel trousers and the world ahead held no  heartbreak or fear.

Certainly we have all had this confidence at one time in our lives, though most of us lose it as we grow older.  Perhaps, because of my work, I’ve been lucky enough to retain a shred of this youthful quality.  But sometimes, as I look back on how tough things were, I wonder if I’d go through it again.  I hope I would.

When I was about twenty-one, I went broke for the first time.  I slept on chair cushions in my “studio” in Kansas City and ate cold beans out of a can.  But I took another look at my dream and set out for Hollywood.

Foolish? Not to a youngster.  An older person might have had too much “common sense” to do it.  Sometimes I wonder if “common sense” isn’t another way of saying “fear.” And “fear” too often spells failure.

In the lexicon of youth there is no such word as “fail.”  Remember the story about the boy who wanted to march in the circus parade?  When the show came to town, the bandmaster needed a trombonist, so the boy signed up.  He hadn’t marched a block before the fearful noises from his horn caused two old ladies to faint and a horse to run away.  The bandmaster demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me you couldn’t play the trombone?” And the boy said, “How did I know? I never tried before!”

Many years ago, I might have done just what that boy did.  Now I”m a grandfather and have a good many gray hairs and what a lot of people would call common sense.  But if I’m not longer young in age, I hope I stay young enough in spirit never to fear failure – young enough still to take a chance and march in the parade.  – Walt Disney

Be Who You Are, Say What You Feel

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A Peacock Spreads its Feathers at the Alipore Zoo
Peacock
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Have you ever stopped to think about the peacock? He doesn’t look like other birds. He doesn’t act like other birds.  He doesn’t put on a facade or try to hide who he is, though. In fact, he downright celebrates it. Each day is a holiday for a peacock because he wakes up as himself.   His self confidence, pride, and even arrogance make him one of of the most beautiful things on earth.  He doesn’t just accept his originality. He doesn’t just embrace his originality.  He struts his originality. Man, I love that.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”– Dr. Seuss

Last night my husband and I were talking a little bit about our daughters. We were, to be quite honest, counting our blessings that the biggest dramas we’ve ever had to worry about with our girls are things like too much self-tanning, not eating enough vegetables, creative use of makeup, and the fact that one of them drives like her mother (okay, admittedly, that’s a pretty big drama). We’ve never had any “huge” worries or problems (drinking, drugs, or even cigarettes) and, believe me, we thank God every morning, noon, and night. We could not have asked for better daughters and our pride in them could light up an entire continent.

After my husband fell asleep, I stayed awake for about 20 minutes – just thinking , while petting Alexa (our diva cat). One of the things I’m most proud of when it comes to my girls is the fact that they are who they are and they say what they think – NO APOLOGIES. Each one is at the steering wheel of her own life and Heaven help the fool that tries to take the wheel out of their hands.

I’ve seen that attempt made and it’s never pretty. There have been casualties and I’m sure there’ll be more.  They learned at an early point in life that if someone can’t accept you for who you are, they aren’t worth your time. As Marilyn Monroe said, “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Our middle daughter, Brittany, went through a phase where she wore black – as in only black.  Here she was one of the most colorful little girls you’d ever want to be around (colorful personality, colorful sense of humor) and she wore one color. Black. As her mother, I was proud that she wore what she wanted to wear in spite of the ribbing she got from some people.  Deep down I had a lot of respect for this child who decided what she wanted to wear and refused to be swayed.  When shopping for my beautiful girls, at that time, I’d buy yellows, oranges, and reds for Stephany, blues, whites, and more blues for Emily and for Brittany? Black.  I never tried to talk her down off of her black cliff, I simply bought her the cutest black clothes I could find.

I knew it’d pass, but I wanted her to know that I loved her and accepted her for who she was and, what’s more, I respected her choices. Having said that, I did a little happy dance the first day she ran (she never walked, she always ran) through the house wearing an orange t-shirt she’d dug out of the back of her closet.  Emily and I did a double-take at the orange streak. The black phase was officially over.

Developing a strong will in young people may seem counterproductive.  When they’re small, parents want them to “DO AS I SAY” right now and every single time after that. Many parents seem to think the goal is to BREAK their will.  Big, dumb, colossal, stupid mistake.  You want your kids to grow up with a backbone – you want them to have a strong enough will to say NO when the time arises.  When others around them pick up the wrong kind of drink, you want your sons and daughters to pick up the right kind of  drink.

When others around them do drugs, you want your child to head for the door.

In the end, when others tell them, “You’re different.” – You want your little girl or little boy to say, “Damn right I’m different!”

You know me and my obsession with inspirational quotes, right?  It won’t come as a surprise that, when our daughters were little, I had them memorize a lot of great quotes in home school. One of the first ones they ever learned was one of my absolute favorites: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”  Dr. Seuss said these magical words and I never leave home without them.

Be who you are!  Socrates said, “To find yourself, think for yourself.”  More magical words!  Don’t let anyone else think for you. Don’t let them dress you, do your hair, choose your major, pick your job, plan your time, or put words into your mouth.  If you think you have to be someone you’re not to “hold on” to someone, ask yourself if they’re even worth hanging on to.  You don’t want to go through life with a facade on any more than you’d want to go through life with a mask on.

Be you. Stay You. If anyone ever tries to get you to budge, look at them like they have two heads and.. well, quite frankly, neither one does a thing for you.

100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

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The book lover in me delighted in the fact that I was sent a copy of 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence: Believe In Yourself and Others Will Too to review on the self help blog. My inner self help diva rejoiced because it was about a favorite subject: Self Confidence.

We’ll only go as far as our self confidence will carry us – for better or worse.

Some people have an edge when it comes to self confidence. The people in their life (parents, spouse, children, etc) build them up to the point that they feel they can do anything. My parents always instilled this can-do attitude in me as a child. So much so that, right before a game, when my softball coach asked our team who could pitch, I raised my hand even though I’d never pitched a day in my life. I took the pitcher’s position, ball in hand, and never (even slightly) doubted that I could do it. My mom sat bug-eyed in the stands and my dad looked like he wanted to cry. I’d always been a catcher! Yet, there their daughter marched, like a boss, to the mound.

I struck out the first girl.

Then the next.

Third girl? She hit it back to me and I threw her out.

I wouldn’t have remembered these details, on my own but my dad repeated the story over the years so many times that it became ingrained in my memory – and probably everyone else’s for 6 counties! Proud dad.

Some people are at a complete disadvantage when it comes to self confidence. The people in their life never seem to say anything to them or about them unless it’s negative. How pathetic is that?! My heart breaks for these people and I understand why they struggle with confidence. However, if they realize that THEY aren’t the ones with the problem, they’ll be well on their way.

Most people fall somewhere in between. They don’t have cheerleaders on the sideline, but they also don’t have people hurling insults.

Irregardless of your supporting cast, your level of self-confidence can (and should) be built up and strengthened. We’ll only go as far as we think we can! Apparently a lot of people know that because one of the subject areas I hear from my readers the most about is Self Confidence. After reading 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence: Believe In Yourself and Others Will Too, I’m delighted to say that I now have a wonderful book to recommend to anyone and everyone who wants to improve their self-confidence.

Book Description

When you don’’t believe in yourself, everything is more difficult. 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence will literally help you change your life by changing the way you feel about yourself. Not only will you have faith in who you really are, but the people you love and work with will believe in you as well.

100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence will show you how to:

  • Discover the essence of your personal power and belief in yourself.
  • Create the life you want with practical “feel good” behaviors.
  • Reduce your doubts, increase your self-worth and make your world a better place.
  • Improve the quality of your relationships by changing the way you think about yourself and how others think about you.
  • Become your best self by employing these easy-to-use techniques
If you struggle with self-confidence, this wonderful, inspirational, and informative book will become your new best friend. The opening chapters point out the importance of having confidence in yourself and even include 10 Instant Confidence Builders.  The book proceeds to give the reader over 100 ways to boost their self confidence. I know the title says 100 ways, but there are actually more than just 100!
From the Introduction:
A person grows whenever he or she thinks, contemplates, and dreams.  Your ideas, reflections, and even random thoughts can build your self-confidence, but you have to be aware of them to get the full benefit.
Research tells us that the human brain can think of five to nine things at the same time, so it can be a bit challenging to isolate and identify the confidence-building thoughts from those that do you no good.
Realizing that you have confidence within you, even if it has been hiding for a while, is the first step in reinforcing it.  Deciding that you want to retain and focus on your self-confidence is the next one.  By first finding it, you then have the ability to harness it.
What follows is a beautiful education in both finding and harnessing this self-confidence.

I absolutely love this book from the front cover to the back and if I could be granted a wish right now, it’d be that anyone who struggles with self-confidence at all would buy a copy of 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence: Believe In Yourself and Others Will Too right this minute. Don’t spend another day doubting yourself or your abilities. Let author Barton Goldsmith, PHD show you how to open yourself up to a whole new world.

Quote by Mahatma Gandhi

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Gandhi
Gandhi
Alex Cherry
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Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. if I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning. – Mahatma Gandhi