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Handling Adversity 101: Sometimes We Aren’t UP Against a Problem, We ARE the Problem

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Bigger Dragons
I’m a pretty big advocate of self talk – or, to be more precise, positive self talk.  For one thing, I’m ALL about positive affirmations, positive reinforcement, and… well, positivity in general.

Another reason I’m a component of self talk is that I’m dang good at it. Seriously, I’m so good at talking to myself I could go pro.  I think I can speak for all only children when I say it’s a trait we learn early and master well.

We just try not to do it when anyone’s looking. People talk, you know.

Truth be told  we all talk to ourselves – we just don’t do it out loud. More times than not, the conversation takes place quietly in the mind… kind of behind the scenes. Yet, even there, self talk is as powerful as any superhero’s superpower.

Not long ago, I was up against something (work-related) that seemed uncommonly large. I felt like a fly in the shadow of the Empire State Building. My initial thoughts were, “Maybe if I ignore it, it’ll go away…” What are the chances of that, though? How many times do we have a task in front of us that suddenly magically disappears, as though a magic wand had been waved in its direction?

Maybe I’ve watched too many fairy tales over the years.

The problem wasn’t the big task, even though he was a beaut. I wasn’t facing a problem, I was the problem.  More to the point, my attitude (or my “self talk”) was the problem.  Without even realizing it, I kept the following conversations on repeat in my brain:

  • I freaking can’t do this!
  • This is too much for one person…
  • What the what, dude?!?!
  • Why can’t this just disappear?

Round and round went the negative thoughts and on and on went the negative self talk. And since nothing positive ever springs from a pool of  negative, I never made a bit of progress.

Then it hit me, right in my laundry room. I’d stepped away from my computer to answer the dryer’s relentless buzz. While folding towels, I heard a familiar voice in my mind (the reasonable side of me that I hadn’t heard from in a while) and the words were clear, distinctive, and empowering:  “I’ve slayed bigger dragons than this.”

Clearly I have watched too many fairy tales over the years.

While finishing up the laundry, I thought of the dragons I’d slain over the years. While the dragons had employed different means of attack ( illnesses, loss of loved ones, professional challenges, staggering disappointments..) –  they all had one thing in common: They were smoked.  Put in their place. Laid out.

In fact, when I thought back on some of this dragon’s predecessors, he seemed more like a gecko.

When I returned to my computer, the big fire-breathing dragon that had been sitting on my desk was nowhere to be found. I went about the task at hand and everything fell right into place. Nothing tangible had changed – I hadn’t been granted more talent, the task had not diminished…  Everything was the same while, at the same time, nothing was the same.  The only thing that had changed was my attitude and my self talk.

The good thing is… that’s the only thing that needed to change.

The next time you’re up against your own dragon, think back to the dragons you’ve laid out… then tell him he’s next.  Don’t get in your own way with a pattern of negative thoughts or waste time throwing up wishes that the dragon would just disappear.

You’re the only one that can make that happen, slayer.

Never doubt yourself,
~ Joi

Also See: I wrote a related post a while back titled You? A Dragon Slayer? You Bet! (Seriously, what is it with me and dragons?)

Instead of Turning Things Over in Your Mind…

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Note to Subconscious Mind

As soon as we stop worrying, a solution pops up. – David DeNotoris

I’ve always been a firm believer in trusting your  subconscious mind. In fact, I think we’d all be a lot closer to our life’s goals and dreams if we trusted this wise inner voice more often.  A while back, my husband turned a problem over to his subconscious mind and was blown away by what it had to say.  He has been planning a particular website for a while now.  Given the fact that he works full-time (I guess a 50 hours a week constitutes full-time!), planning stages can sort of drag out.  He finally got around to picking out the perfect domain name…. and naturally it was taken.  And (again, naturally), the owner was doing absolutely NOTHING with the domain.

I contacted her for my husband, asking how much she’d want for the domain.  I’m still laughing over her answer.  I replied that she surely misunderstood; we didn’t want to buy her home, cars, pets, furniture, and children. Just the domain.

We aren’t lottery winners, so my husband began thinking of new domain names.  He decided to stop worrying and to even stop thinking – and to “turn” the problem over to his subconscious mind and see what it could come up with.  Mere hours later, he had the perfect domain name. Yes, even better than the one that remains unsold, unused, and over-priced.

It’s simply another illustration of what we can do when we stop WASTING energy worrying, fretting, and over-thinking and start HARNESSING untapped mental power.

The answer lies inside of you.  Always has.

I’ve had a favorite approach when it comes to problem-solving that I’ve used for many, many years.  I used it before my self help blog existed and long before I even acknowledged the subconscious mind’s existence!  One of my favorite approaches to a problem, question, dilemma, or decision is to “flip it.”  I approach it this way: I imagine that someone I know is the one with this very problem.  I then “tap into” the advice I would give them. Approaching the situation from this vantage point takes self completely out of the way and allows you to view the problem logically, clearly, rationally, and with an open-mind.

Basically, it’s just another way of allowing your subconscious mind to take over where you’ve left off.

Not long ago, I read about another approach. I’m ALL about index cards and post it notes, so I jumped on board without a moment’s hesitation.  Some people write a particular problem in the form of a question on index cards or post it notes and leave them in places around their home, car, and office.  The notion is that your subconscious mind will see and “register” the question even when you don’t realize it.  Even better, it’ll be working on a a solution or answer even when you don’t realize it.

When will you realize it? When it hands you the solution!

You have to write the problem in the form of a question, though. That’s the most important thing.  Also, be very specific. See the post it note I made and put at the top of the post?  Don’t ask vague questions. If you do, you’ll get vague answers.  Be specific and bold, never vague and shy.

Why You Should Turn Your Problems Over to Your Subconscious Mind:

  • Worry just walks around in circles.
  • Bitterness sulks in the corner.
  • Stress eats away at your life.
  • Anger eats away at your relationships.
  • Giving up? Never an option.

The next time you have a decision to make, a problem to solve, or a dilemma to iron out, call upon your subconscious mind.  Whether you mentally turn things over to your subconscious mind and head off to bed, write questions to stimulate its thought processes, or “flip” things entirely, the point is this:  The answer is inside of you. If you invite it to take center stage, it’ll do so. You may love what it has to say, you may hate what it has to say. Either way, you’ll have your answer.  A subconscious mind is a terrible thing to waste!