If we want to know what happiness is, we must seek it, not as if it were a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but among human beings who are living richly and fully the good life. If you observe a really happy man, you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his children, growing double dahlias in his garden. He will not be searching for happiness… he will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living twenty-four crowded hours in the day. – W. Beran Wolfe
how to be happy
How to Snap Yourself Out of a Bad, Rotten Mood
Okay, right off the bat, I apologize for the title of this post. You don’t exactly snap yourself out of a bad mood. The wording makes it sound as simple as Samantha on Bewitched twitching her nose (how cute was it when she did that?). However, “How to Will Yourself Out of a Bad Mood by Refusing to Succumb to it’s Ill Will” sounded a little highfalutin to me.
If you’re reading this..
- You are already in a rotten mood
- You’re anticipating a rotten mood
- You read me on a regular basis… Have I told you lately how much I love you?
Even if you’re in the wonderfully sexy and charismatic last group, hopefully you can get something out of this. File it away to share with someone else when they’re in a crummy mood and spewing bad vibes on your fabulousness.
Step One: Acknowledge the Bad Mood
Don’t overlook this one! This is actually the most important step and here’s why: The Acknowledgement Step is a step upward. NOT acknowledging the bad mood is a step downward. When we fail to acknowledge a bad mood, we start throwing garbage around:
- We blame others (always a bad move)
- We point our finger and wrath at God (an even worse move)
- We find multiple faults with ourselves, some of which don’t even exist (also not a lot of fun)
If we fail to label our bad mood as just that – A BAD MOOD – we begin a downward spiral which only gains momentum. For one thing, we run the risk of starting arguments with people around us. When we’ve managed to tick off everyone in reach, our world goes from bad to worse. However, when we acknowledge that we’re in a nasty mood, we’ll be more apt to keep a watch on our tongue, expressions, and actions. We’ll think, Must control the beast!
Admitting it is half the battle. It’s true about just about everything, isn’t it? So why do we have so much trouble stepping up and admitting what’s surely obvious?
Pride.
We hate to admit that we’re less than perfect. After all, perfect people don’t have bad moods, right? WRONG! It’s only human to have a bad mood from time to time. Even cats get in bad moods every now and then and they have the life of royalty. One of my cats, Hannah, was in a mood a few days ago. She wore it all over her face! I wish I’d taken a picture because, I swear, it looked like she wore a scowl all day. I gave her extra treats, tons of head scratches, and did all within my power to keep her world extra lovely.
It made me think about those of us who are mere mortals, we’re pretty much the same way Hannah was that day – nothing suits us.
When you find yourself wearing such a scowl, do yourself and everyone around you the biggest favor in the world: ACKNOWLEDGE the foul mood. Call it out.
Step Two: Switch Lanes
My husband and I were taking a trip not long ago and a young woman (on a cellphone) in our lane was driving kind of erratic. She’d go super fast, then she’d crawl. She’d swerve, then she’d swerve back. My husband, who wasn’t trying to wreck his new car, switched lanes and proceeded to put as much distance between himself and the unpredictable wild driver. The smaller she got in the rear view mirror, the better we felt. Though I did say an extra prayer that someone’s daughter would make it to her destination safely. As a mother of three someone’s daughters, I also prayed that someone’s police officer would put the fear of God into her about texting while driving before she got herself or someone else hurt or killed.
When we’re driving, we don’t hesitate for a second to switch lanes. We pop that turn signal on and off we go. We live in a rural part of Kentucky, so we often do the pop and go to get around farm equipment… with a smile and a wave, of course. Never let it be said that Southerners aren’t polite.
When we’re in a bad mood, the first thing we have to do after acknowledging the problem is to switch lanes. We have to have enough sense to realize that the lane we’re in is an accident waiting to happen. This is where we have to make up our minds to pop and go – pop on the turn signal and go, out of the lane we’re in and into another one.
The smaller the bad mood gets in our rear view mirror, the better.
Ways to Switch to the Right Lane
- Do something constructive. Yesterday, after hours of working online (and on the heels of my vehicle having to have a couple hundred dollars work), I found myself building up to a pretty rotten mood. I got up from the computer and cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed the house. I don’t know if it was the physical activity or the result of accomplishing something, but the rotten mood faded almost immediately. Very often, just being able to look at something you’ve done and feel good about it makes a big difference.
- Get some fresh air. A change of scenery often does the trick.
- Get some activity, such as a walk. If you can walk outdoors, you’ve nailed the first three items in this list! You’ve done something constructive (exercise) while getting fresh air and physical activity. Yay, you!
- Bake something. It doesn’t matter if it’s cookies, cupcakes, or bread – it’s almost impossible to feel grumpy when you’re baking. The aroma, alone, chases off the grumps.
- Shop Therapy! Come on, let’s not kid ourselves, nothing says happy quite like a new kitchen gadget, nail polish, or purple top. Or golf balls, a new novel, or pair of shoes. It doesn’t matter what floats your boat, it’s fun to shop. I suppose there’s something to be said for “window shopping” but returning home without a bag kind of seems depressing to me.
- Watch a sitcom. Escaping into 30 minutes of fun and laughter is a great mood lifter. I Love Lucy, Sanford and Son, Andy Griffith, King of Queens, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Big Bang Theory… countless good times just waiting to happen. Lucy has seen me through a lifetime of ups and downs. After I lost my mom, I prescribed myself a daily dose of Lucy. Lucy’s my comfort zone. A while back, after some particularly hideous dental work, my family knew where to find me – in Lucy and Ricky’s apartment with a bucket full of KFC Mashed potatoes and gravy.
- Read a book. Again, the escapism is key. Remember, you’re trying to switch lanes here. Switching lanes means getting up from and away from where you are.
- Search for your favorite comedians on You Tube. Bill Cosby and Dane Cook don’t just make my sides ache from laughing, they leave them positively sore. David Letterman’s Top Tens are also a million laughs.
- When in doubt, reach for the chocolate. I’m surprised that this is so far down the list, actually, since it’s always my first line of defense. Then again, chocolate is my first line of defense (or offense) every single day of my life. TRUE STORY: I once made “Eat chocolate every single day” a New Year’s Resolution because I knew this way I’d at least keep one resolution. So, I’ve made this resolution every year since and have always been able to say that I’ve kept at lease one resolution with the faithfulness of the Amish.
- Another great, never-fails pick me up is a clean one: Take a bath or shower. Again, I’m not sure WHY this works, but it does. I dunno, maybe it’s the thrill of seeing yourself naked, the experience of comfortable water, or the change in temperature. Maybe it’s a little of all three. A great bath or shower kind of erases the slate, doesn’t it? You get out, dry off, and it’s almost like you have a new start. Love it.
- Do something (or even just say something) nice for someone else. When you make someone else smile or laugh, you feel their joy multiplied by ten. Besides, we’d all much rather spread joy than grumpiness.
- Spend time doing something you dearly love. We all have times or places that cause us to think, “This is soooooo me.” When you feel a bad mood coming on, get yourself to this place immediately! If it’s reading while curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee, put everything else on hold and pick up your book. If it’s surfing the internet, reading your favorite blogs and visiting your favorite websites – have at it. If it’s lying in the floor watching sports, The History Channel, or I Love Lucy with your cat (can you say Heaven?) – grab the remote control and escape.
- Pet your cat, dog, guinea pig, hamster, horse, pig, reptile, bird, or chinchilla. Or whatever pet you happen to share your world with. Do you even pet reptiles? Pets bring so much love and happiness into our lives. I honestly can’t imagine life without my cats. Even when they’re in a mood and wear a scowl – still wish I had a picture.
- The best advice I can possibly give you for improving your mood? Pizza. Works every single time.
When you’re in a bad mood, you aren’t yourself. A bad mood causes you to lose your center. The only way to get it back is to get out there and find it! Sitting around stewing or lashing out at everyone you come into contact with will only make it worse. Switch lanes before you run over someone or someone puts you into the rails.
If you’re in a bad mood right now, go have a little chocolate. If you’re in a good mood right now, go have a little chocolate.
Make each moment count double!
– Joi… if you’re looking for me this evening, check every pizza restaurant – I will surely be in one. The picture above has hit me with intense, intense cravings.
Clara and Clarence
“Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time.” – Betty Smith
I have a few people I’m excited for you to meet. You could say I”m even anxious for you to meet them! I think they have something important to teach you; a beautiful illustration to draw for you; and a life-changing way of looking at life that live inside your heart forever. Their names are Clara and Clarence, but before making the introductions, there’s one thing you should know: They both recently died.
There are many things in life that I do not do:
- budget my money well
- budget my money at all
- pass by a Starbucks
- stick to a diet
- begin a diet
- sit still
- worry (life’s too short)
- clean closets (life’s too short)
- skip any of the 20,000 words women say daily
- read the obituaries
Which is why it’s so strange that a few nights ago, while sitting with my husband, getting my 20,000 in, and looking through our local newspaper, I stopped at the obituaries section. Some of the recently departed were represented with recent photographs and a few were represented with photographs that were apparently taken in their hey day (personally, that’s what I’d want!). Two individuals were represented by sweet recent pictures, with pictures of each one of them below. Clever families! These two individuals (no doubt you’ve guessed by now that they’re the stars of this post, Clarence and Clara) caught my eye and I had to read more about them.
Clarence, with his very handsome pictures, was “above the fold,” so I read about him first. Kind of surreal, isn’t it? An entire life’s story summed up in 3 paragraphs. Twitter has nothing on obituaries.
First of all, I should tell you that Clara and Clarence (although their names sound as though they were twins or married SO long even their names began to look alike), were not related. They simply happened to pass away on the same day, rejoined their prospective spouses on the same day, and caught the eye of an overly caffeinated self help blogger on the same day.
Clarence wore a hat in each of his pictures. He had a precious smile in the more recent picture, and something about the smile told me he was a charmer. In the younger picture, he wore his Marine’s uniform and a serious expression replaced the smile. I guess that isn’t hard to understand. The younger Clarence had movie star looks – with his strong manly facial features and George Clooney eyebrows. Handsome Clarence lived to be 88 years old! He was married to his wife for 48 years before losing her to Heaven. As I read the words, I couldn’t help smiling at the sweet reunion they surely had.
I hope he wore his hat.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein
Clara’s adorable recent picture brought a tear to my eye. Something about her eyes remind me of my grandmother’s eyes. The same sparkle and the gleam was in this grandmother’s eyes that were in mine. Something about those eyes told me that these ladies were a lot alike, and I’m going out on a limb here, but I bet neither of them short-changed their 20,000 words a day either. In fact, Clara’s obituary stated that she liked sharing stories… that’s my girl! No wonder I felt such a bond.
Clara beat Clarence by a few years. This lovely lady lived to be 92 years old. She was born in 1919! How amazing is that? The fact that she was married in 1936 blew my youngest daughter’s mind. Clara, too, was preceded in death by her spouse. They had been married 57 years when she lost him. The happy ending, of course, is that she found him.
I couldn’t help staring at Clara’s younger picture. What a beauty! The picture was apparently taken in the ’30s, which tells me she made one stunning bride. In this picture, her hair’s up in the back and she’s wearing some sort of an elaborate flower in her hair. Her beautiful face reminds me of the character Ado Annie in Oklahoma – and I’m willing to bet that Mrs. Clara had at least as much spirit and sass.
After reading their life stories (infuriatingly summed up in mere paragraphs – I’d have loved to learn more about each), I finally pulled myself away from their beautiful faces. I noticed that a few things lingered in my mind and heart:
- The things each must have seen! Think about the things you and I have seen in our lifetimes. Now, imagine that these two saw all of those as well as SO much more. How fascinating it would have been to sit down with either of them and get their thoughts about past presidents, world events, inventions, fashion, cars, and more.
- Each had long, successful marriages and were each reunited with their sweethearts.
- One of the things said about Clara was that she enjoyed spending time with her family. I hope everyone realizes that, when it comes to their parents and grandparents, the world literally lights up when you walk through the door. Make it happen as much as possible and keep that light burning as long as you can.
- During their last days, how short their lives must have seemed and how fast they must have seemed to fly by.
The last thought has especially stayed with me. Think back over your own life. No matter how many years your thoughts will have to span, it seems to have all gone by so fast. Think of past silly worries (extra weight, dining room tables, “he said this instead of that,” your spouse not getting what you wanted for your birthday or Christmas, the scratch on your car…). Today, do any of them really matter? Don’t you regret ever spending time feeling sad, worried, or mad about the silly stuff?!
“Don’t be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin.” – Grace Hansen
Make no mistake about it, each of us will one day have our lives boiled down to a couple of paragraphs. I’m not trying to depress you and I DO NOT want you to think about death. Au contraire! I want you to think about life! I want you to think about living your life out loud, making each moment count double, laughing more, smiling longer, rolling with the punches, loving more, and spreading happiness and laughter everywhere you go. I want you to get as much joy and adventure out of walking through your front yard as you would on an African safari. When you look at the world, I want you to see a playground – not places you wish you could go, cars you wish you could drive, money you wish you had…. None of that creates happiness.
Happiness comes from within, not without. Over the years, my husband and I have lived everywhere from Madisonville, Kentucky to Wichita, Kansas and from Washington, Indiana to Pensacola Beach, Florida. From Rantoul, Illinois to Webster City, Iowa! Shew, I’m glad we’ve settled down here in Owensboro, Kentucky – it’s not easy always remembering a new phone number, zip code, or address!
When we were first married, Michael (husband) was in the Air Force. With a baby on the way, we lived in a tiny little apartment near the Military Base in Illinois. You could sit on the couch and see the entire apartment. Other servicemen and their families lived in the apartment complex and people were coming and going 24 hours a day. Saying it was noisy is an understatement. Tiny, noisy… and I loved it!
“We spend too much time living in the ‘what if’ and need to learn to live in the ‘what is.’” – Rev. Leroy Allison
When Michael and I, along with our three beautiful daughters and (at the time) one beautiful cat lived on Pensacola Beach, Florida – we had come a long way from that tiny noisy apartment. You practically needed a tour guide to take you from one end of the beach house to the other. Practically the entire back of the house was glass, so we could watch dolphins, seagulls, boats, waves, and pelicans as we ate at the dinner table, as I cooked in the kitchen, and as we watched tv in the living room. Noisy? Not unless you call the sounds of the ocean noisy.
Moral of the story (do written words count toward the 20,0000? If so, I annihilate that humble little goal): I swear to you, if you take the fact that I had my 4 girls then (the cat was a girl, too) – I was no happier in the beach house than in my noisy little apartment. I smiled and laughed (and talked, Lord, I talked) in each home. It matters not WHERE life puts you, it matters how much life is IN you.
It’s possibly the strangest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ve kept the pictures of Clara and Clarence. In case I ever feel the weight of the world or have cause to feel down, I’m going to look at their pictures and let them remind me that life doesn’t last forever. Life is as beautiful as it is precious and like any fun ride, there will be ups as well as downs. But are we ever really ready to get off the ride?!
If the heroes of our story could come back to earth and be the age you are right now, what do you think they’d do? Would they worry and fret over things that don’t matter or would they know that “all this” doesn’t last forever? Imagine how they’d look… I mean really look… at a butterfly or tree. Imagine how they’d close their eyes and listen to a songbird as though it were a concert.
Most of all, can you imagine the look on their faces when they were able to see their loved ones again?! They’d embrace them with their body, heart, and spirit.
We still have it all! Butterflies, birds, trees, family, friends… they’re things we often take for granted. The next time you see a butterfly, really look at it. SEE the beauty, fragility, and splendor. It’s like life. So much beauty but far too often, we look past it rather than at it.
It’s my deepest hope that Clara and Clarence will help you slow down and enjoy life more. Embrace it. I want you to live life with such passion that when you leave a room, people notice the void!
Maya Angelou said it best with one of my favorite quotes of all time, “Life likes to be taken by the lapel and told, “I’m with you kid. Let’s go!”
Don’t ever let me catch you without life’s lapel in your hands!
Forget Growing UP. If You Want to Be Happy, Grow YOUNGER!
Am I wrong to be always so happy? This world is full of grief;
Yet there is laughter of sunshine, to see the crisp green on the leaf,
Daylight is ringing with song-birds, and brooklets are crooning at night;
And why should I make a shadow when God makes all so bright?
Earth may be wicked and weary, yet cannot I help being glad!
There is sunshine without and within me, and how should I mope or be sad?
God would not flood me with blessings, meaning me only to pine
Amid all the bounties and beauties he pours upon me and mine;
Therefore I will be grateful, and therefore will I rejoice;
My heart is singing within me; sing on, O heart and voice.
-Walter C. Smith
Is that a beautiful poem or is that a beautiful poem?! Each time I read it, I’m left with a big smile on my face. You know, the ear to ear kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Have you ever really listened to the beautiful, free, wonderful sound of laughter? Last night, my middle daughter Brittany was in the kitchen cooking with her on-again, off-again, on-gain, off-again boyfriend. Or is it on now? My other 2 daughters (also known as her sisters) and I literally have to ask each other each day, “On or Off?” because it changes that often. I don’t panic because I remember all too well what it was like to be that young. When these two kids (and they’re both beautiful, full-of-life, adorable kids) are “on,” they have a ball. Last night, when they were in the kitchen cooking, there was a lot of laughter. It made me think…. laughter is a beautiful thing! It means the person is, at least at that moment, completely taken over with happiness and awash with joy.
I’m never happier than when my children are awash with joy and their laughter is the best music in the world as far as I’m concerned.
Adult laughter is as precious and wonderful as a child’s laughter. Sadly, for a lot of adults, it just doesn’t come as often. Naysayers will say that it’s because adults have so many things to worry about and take care of… that they don’t have time to laugh. I’d be the first to wash a hog all over that, so let the hogwash begin. Everyone has time for laughter and everyone has time to be happy. If they don’t, they’d better MAKE time because staying on the road they’re on will make them run out of time sooner than they’d like to.
If you’d like more carefree, beautiful, reckless laughter in your life – I have something that might just help. You’ll have to go back in time, though. Way, way back.
Remember when you were a child (I told you it’d be way back!). Imagine yourself playing with the kids in your neighborhood. For me, I’m remembering long bike rides, camping in my backyard, going to the park, swimming, playing softball, and being surrounded by dogs and cats (some things never change). I remember the happiness, the excitement, and most definitely the laughter. Your trip back in time might conjure up bike riding, playing cowboys and Indians, and fishing.
No matter where your memories take you, you’ll notice:
- You lived out loud.
- You couldn’t wait to see what each day brought!
- Life was FUN.
- You didn’t worry about money.
- You didn’t care how much your clothes cost.
- You didn’t care how much your friend’s clothes cost.
- Your world was a wonderful place in which to live.
- You hated going to sleep at night because you might miss something.
- You laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed…
I’m a card-carrying optimist and, admittedly, my head is almost always in the clouds. Sorry but I love the view. However, even I will acknowledge that adulthood brings about responsibilities – certainly more responsibilities than you had when soaring on your bike and feeling the wind in your face. However, there’s a KEY element from our childhood that we CAN and SHOULD remember and revive.
1. EXPECTATIONS
When we were children, we had more than enough even when we didn’t. Children who are playing with sticks are as happy as kids who are playing with their new computer games. Children accept what life has given them and they don’t resent what it hasn’t. They live in the moment without worrying about the next.
Too many expectations drag your spirits down. Expectations constantly whisper in your ear, “This isn’t enough…. That isn’t good enough…. You’d be happy if only…. I need that to really be happy…” Kids don’t have such burdens to weigh them down.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting nice things. But if things determine your happiness and if you’re one of those people who is ALWAYS wanting something more, you may want to re-evaluate. If you’re relying on things to make you feel good, there’s a problem somewhere. You need to find out why you aren’t happy with what you have – as opposed to always wanting more.
Be happy with who you are, where you are, and what you have. Let go of excess expectations. You’ll feel lighter immediately.
2. REGRETS
I remember once, when I was about 5, I got in trouble with my mother. I’d driven my toy car into the street (pray tell, where do cars go, after all?!!). I was rewarded for my efforts with a switch to the backside. Apparently, I’m told that I ran to my grandmother and told her, “Mommy beat me with a tree limb!!” No red marks, no tears… but I tried my best to pull off the “tree limb beating” story. I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember my grandmother trying not to laugh and my poor mother producing the tiny stick for her examination. My grandmother (“MeMe“) kept that little switch or “tree limb” on her dresser for a very long time.
No doubt, the whole affair went completely out of my pig-tailed head before it even hit the pillow that night. Kids don’t carry the past with them. They don’t fret over what they did or what was done to them.
- It happens.
- It happened.
Kids are masters with suffixes. They know the difference between something happenING and when something happenED. Why do adults get so tricked up with suffixes?!?! We’ll go back (sometimes so far back that everything plays out in black and white) and retrieve past injuries committed to us or wrongs we did to others. Isn’t that nothing more than going back for what happenED and cause it to be happenING all over again.
And we think we’re so smart!
If the memories you’re going back for cause you to smile – or laugh, as I do when I remember my grandmother’s expression – then, by all means, visit them often. However, if they make you feel bitter, resentful, guilty, angry, sad, or bad in any way – leave them where they are and never go back for them. Memories are funny things, the more we relive them, the stronger they are.
My husband has some sort of a button on his remote control that “pulls up” his favorite channels on the screen. All he has to do is choose which FAVORITE destination he wants to go to (ESPN, History Channel, Golf Channel, NatGeo, Discovery…). Memories are kind of like this. The ones we visit the most and dwell upon the most often are right there, in the forefront. We keep them strong and centered.
If they’re negative memories, can you imagine what that does to our psyche?
Let go. Move on. Like a kid.
3. Control
When we were kids, we didn’t try to (or even want to) control our friends or family members. If daddy chose to wear white shoes in November, that was cool with us. If mom wore curlers to the grocery store, what was that to us? If our best friend cut her hair shorter than our beagle’s, we weren’t going to lose sleep over it – no more than we would if another friend grew his hair past his waist. We loved these people – what did it matter to us what they wore or how they did their hair?! They were our family and our friends and we’d fight anyone that looked sideways at them.
When a lot of people become adults, they think they have to control everyone and everything around them. They think that x-number of birthdays have made them experts.
On everything. And everyone.
Then they wonder where their joy has gone. It’s hardest, probably, for parents. But we HAVE to remember that our job is to raise these precious blessings to the best of our abilities. When they become adults, we HAVE to allow them to live their own lives and make their own decisions – just as our parents did for us. I know you’re an intelligent person, so I won’t go into the fact that “some things” warrant intervention, no matter how old the child is. However, it’s been my experience that most parents have the most hang ups over “little” things.
Let them go. Your relationship with your son or daughter depends upon you being able to relinquish control. When our kids get older, we don’t see them as often as we once did. Do we REALLY want the precious time we DO have with them to be tense and confrontational? Allow yourself, and those around you, to be happy. Allow yourself, and those around you, to love life and live out loud.
If you have to take a trip back to childhood to remember how it felt to be carefree and happy to be alive, then go back. If you need a special reminder, keep a picture of yourself as a child nearby. How would he or she felt if they saw you today? Would they want to spend time with you? How about the teenage version of you, would they want to hang out with you? Would they think you were fun or would they tell you, right off the bat, “Light-en up, dude.”?
Finally, a little time travel in the opposite direction. It’s not nearly as fun, but imagine YOU in your eighties. If the 80 something YOU sat down with today’s version, what would he/she tell you?
- Work harder.
- Put in longer hours.
- Buy a newer car.
- Find more things to stress about.
- Buy a newer house.
- Make your kids march to the beat of YOUR drum, not their’s.
- Make your spouse toe the line
Doubtful!
Don’t you think the things he/she would actually say would sound something like this:
- Lighten up.
- Laugh more.
- Cherish your family and keep them close. They will always be your REAL treasure.
- Spend more time with the ones you love.
- Stop worrying about how you look. Seriously.
- The world is a beautiful place. Look around you!
- Take more pictures.
- Eat healthier foods.
- Stop trying to make your friends and family measure up to your yardstick.
- Throw the damn yardstick away!
- Stop trying to make time PAY and just make time COUNT.
- Stop worrying about how you’ll LOOK at this age or how much you’ll HAVE.
One of my favorite bracelets is about as simple as it gets. It has one of my all-time favorite sayings on it, also about as simple as it gets: Live Love Laugh. That’s really what it’s all about, you know. The 8 year old you knew it. The 80 year old you will know it. My one hope, right now, is that the present day you is closer to knowing it as well.
Smiles, Dimples & Evil Clown Zombies
I’ve often wondered… if I could get one message across with my Self Help blog, what would I want it to be? In addition to raising everyone’s consciousness about the treatment of animals and children, I’d want most of all to help people find happiness. True, lasting happiness. The kind that you feel washing over you so abundantly that you find it difficult NOT to smile.
I was (as I often am) watching a baseball game a few nights and a favorite player and possibly the best the game has ever seen, Albert Pujols, hit a home run. He caught sight of one of his coaches as he rounded third and couldn’t help smiling. He approaches the game maturely and professionally, but he also enjoys the heck out of it, so smile he did.
“One filled with joy preaches without preaching”. – Mother Teresa
Smiles are beautiful things, aren’t they?
It occurred to me then, I HATE the thought of anyone not having a reason to smile. You’ve heard the saying, “He (or she) lights up a room when they smile.” right? Well I’ll let you in on a little secret, everyone lights up the room when they smile because smiles are beautiful. The beauty isn’t in the teeth – it’s in the joy.
You can be as happy as you want to be. You can be as fulfilled as you want to be. You can be as successful as you want to be. You don’t have to be lonely, sad, blue, overwhelmed, or angry. You’re at the wheel of your own life! Take control of your mind and you’ll take control of your life.
One way you can do this is to STOP saying negative things to yourself. When you engage in self-negative-talk, you’re creating a destructively negative environment. Below are some “trade offs” that’ll help:
- When you’re alone, whether at home or in your car, instead of saying, “I’m lonely” and focusing on the sadness that would come with such a statement, say, “This is relaxing!” and focus on the peacefulness that comes with such a statement.
- When your husband or boyfriend loses himself in a game (whether it’s golf, tennis, baseball, or video games), instead of saying things like, “He’s so immature,” focus on how glad you are that he’s healthy and young at heart! SO much better for your relationship. Bonus advice… and this one’s a deal maker… have your own interests and hobbies. Never, ever, ever rely on someone else to entertain or amuse you.
- When you begin to berate your appearance, switch your focus immediately to your best trait. When I was growing up, I never had a problem with weight. Ever. Three children took care of that as well as my husband takes care of a cheeseburger. GONE! After my third daughter, for whatever reasons, I had t-r-o-u-b-l-e losing the “baby weight” and actually kept picking up more. I was in my mid-twenties and feeling very self-conscious about my weight. Even as a baby self-help diva, I realized that I needed to stop focusing on the hips (though they were becoming almost impossible NOT to focus on!) and focus instead on a trait I liked. So, whenever a thought like, “I’ll never get back into a size 8..” popped into my head I’d follow it up with, “But who cares, look at those dimples!” I even stopped myself once in the middle of a self-destructive thought and said out loud, “Yep! I still have those dimples!“
We all have trials and tribulations roll into our lives. We have our share of valleys and sometimes those valleys seem to be haunted with evil clown zombies. But the simple truth is our attitude and our disposition will determine how deep the valley goes. What’s more, they know the secret passage out of the valley. Do I have to point out how important it is to keep them close at hand? Happiness is a secret power that can get you in and out of more places than fame and fortune combined.
Smiling when it’s the last thing you really want to do is an art, but it’s one that’ll serve you well. A funny thing happens when you smile, you trick your brain into thinking all’s well in Dodge. It’s as though your brain says, “Oh, a smile, things must be good!” Try it, it sounds odd, but it’s true. Of course, the effect is even sweeter if you can find a reason to laugh.
A final happiness tip: Watch out for things that are Happiness Zappers. A common culprit is the news. Even the commercials that tell you what’s coming up on the evening news can leave you feeling down all day! Thank God for mute buttons. Surround yourself with things that give you joy and make you smile. Everything else? Kick them to the curb.
Eden is that old-fashioned house we dwell in every day
Without suspecting our abode until we drive away.
– Emily Dickinson