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How to Be Happy Again When Smiling is the Last Thing You Want to Do

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Quote About Happiness

Life is thickly sown with thorns, and I know of no other remedy than to pass quickly through them. The longer we dwell on our misfortunes, the greater their power to harm us. – Voltaire

We have all had our fair share of disappointments, losses, broken dreams, and shattered hopes.   None of us will get out of this life without our “stories to tell.” Whether it’s health problems, the loss of loved ones, broken relationships, personal losses, or (when fate is particularly cranky), a wicked combination of all of the above… none of us are disaster virgins.

If you are reading these words and you’ve recently been dealt one of these blows to your life, take heart.  Life may have knocked you to the ground, but you don’t have to stay there. You can start your climb back to the top starting today – IF that’s what you decide to do.

See, all things in life begin with a decision, a choice.  When life puts the smack down on us, we have a clear cut choice to make:

  1. Stay Down
  2. Get Up

Here’s a simple little plan – one that will help you climb out of the pit and put you firmly on safe ground in no time at all.

  • First of all, decide if you’re going to get up or stay down.
  • If the answer to #1 is get up, keep reading! If you decide to stay down, you can stop reading right now and go back to bed.  Sadly, life will go on without you but you won’t go on without getting up.
  • When you make the decision to “get up,” you’ll instantly feel a little better.  Why?  You’ve taken control of the situation.  Whatever events led you to the  pit may have been completely out of your hands.  But now, you’re back in control of your own life and your own destiny.  When you say, “I WILL GET UP!,” you’re already well on your way.
  • You’ll need strength for the climb. If I had plans, this evening, to go outside and walk for 2 hours, I’d need strength to pull it off (and a couple of miracles, but that’s another story).    I wouldn’t be able to just prance out the door and hit the happy trail as is.  I’d need to make certain I was sufficiently hydrated, well rested, and my body would insist that I”d eaten right during the day.  I’d need STRENGTH for those 2 hours of walking.  The same holds true when we’re trying to get our feet beneath us after a major loss or disappointment.   Determine where you get your STRENGTH from.  Is it from prayer, loved ones, meditation, sleep, coffee, chocolate (!!!), or all of the above?  Yes, please.  Determine where your own personal well of STRENGTH is, grab the biggest bucket you can find, and run (don’t walk) to your well.  Fill ‘er up!
  • Look in the right direction.  Many, many, many, many people make the same mistake after turmoil:  They keep looking back at it.  I did this when I lost both of my parents.  I kept thinking, “What if I’d MADE my mom go to the doctor sooner?…  What if my dad had seen a different doctor…” – that sort of thing.  I spent weeks with these thoughts and they made my recovery from the losses slower and even more painful.  I created, in my mind, a scenario where I could have changed the outcomes – made the losses never happen at all.  Basically, I put myself through hell and it most certainly never brought my mom or dad back.  Quite possibly, a case could be made that I kept them from “resting in peace.”  Why?  Because I couldn’t rest with the loss.  When something happens to us that knocks us down, we have to find a way to rest with the loss.   If we don’t, we just keep reliving the nightmare over and over and over again.  Unfortunately, each time we rehash or relive it, it’s as though it’s happening all over again.  Our mind keeps replaying the emotions and heartache – and each time FEELS the loss all over again.   This is why it’s imperative that we look in the right direction, which is of course FORWARD and not BACK.
  • Find things that make you smile.  That sounds about as simple as scratching an itch, doesn’t it?  But, trust me, it’s something that will help you rediscover life again.   When you’re trying to discover how to be happy and excited about life again, you literally have to make your face smile.  Once it remembers how good it feels to be happy, it’ll want more of it!  Whether this means going to a movie, watching favorite re-runs, reading a good book, or talking with people who always give you a lift – dive right in!  Find reasons to smile and, before you know it, you’ll be smiling without reason.
  • Be active.  Not only is exercise great for your physical and mental health – it’s just as good for your emotional health.   Exercise is a natural antidepressant. Studies prove it:  Exercise reduces stress levels and prompts the body to release chemicals that make you feel good.  Get moving and grooving and let those giddy little chemicals show you the way.
  • Look ahead and keep looking ahead until you arrive safely.  I know I’ve covered this one before, but as someone who has been on the front lines, I can tell you that it’s worth repeating.  Don’t look back at the loss or the disappointment.  I knew a woman over 15 years ago who wanted another child.  She had 2 boys and desperately wanted a baby girl.  She was a very religious and spiritual woman who prayed and longed for a daughter.  She once told me and another woman that she’d spent so many years longing for what she didn’t have that she often wondered if she showed how truly appreciative she was for what she did have.   Don’t ever present yourself with that question.  Don’t look back at a loss.  If you’ve lost a loved one, look back at their life with joy and happiness – not back at the loss with regrets or questions.  If, like the lady in the example above, your loss is the loss of a dream – don’t focus on what you don’t have.  Focus on what you do have.  Remember: If you didn’t have these things, they’d be dreams!

Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll. – Author Unknown

I know there are people reading these words right now who are trying to find their way out of a pit.  I just want to tell you that you can make it!  I also want to remind you that the climb is worthwhile.  Don’t stay down and don’t give up.  You have far too many beautiful things to see and far too many wonderful things to do to stay on your back in a pit.  Put the loss and the pit in your rear view mirror then put some distance between you and both of them.

The good stuff is up ahead, keep going until you get there.

(More Quotes about Adversity)

A Self Help Lesson from the Garden of Eden

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The Garden of Eden, 1659

The Garden of Eden, 1659 Giclee Print

While reading a few chapters in Genesis yesterday, I was struck by all of the self help and self improvement lessons lingering in the Garden of Eden with Adam and his somewhat dysfunctional family.  Discontentment, resentment, hatred, unaccountability, and the modern practice of throwing someone under the bus.  

Adam and Eve had it all.  A home so beautiful that our minds could never even begin to grasp the imagery. They didn’t have taxes, traffic, health problems, health reform, social climbing, mortgages,  nosy neighbors, politicians, wars, or any other disasters we’re familiar with.

God was their President, their pastor, and their friend.

Somehow, that wasn’t enough for Eve.  She wanted what she couldn’t  have:  The forbidden fruit. The one tree in her entire world that she was told she couldn’t have… that’s the one she just couldn’t do without.  Can you see her now? Picture it.  She is the perfect female specimen – and her sweetheart is the perfect male specimen,  AND she doesn’t have to worry about other females!  The lovely duo lives in Paradise and their every need is met and met beautifully.

There’s just ONE tree that they aren’t permitted to touch.  I’m guessing Eve fixated on this tree.  She didn’t spend her days and nights looking at all that she had, she spent them looking at what she didn’t have.

In the early stages of fixation, we don’t think about what we don’t have 24/7.  We start out thinking about it, maybe, once or twice a week.  Then, if we don’t snatch our mind away in time – we start thinking about it once or twice a day.  Pretty soon, we’re thinking about the car, house, wardrobe, perfect body, bulldog, boat, bedroom furniture, or the baby that we DON’T have more often that we think about the things (and people) we DO have.

This is, of course, where discontentment and misery move into our minds and hearts.  Without us even realizing it, the discontentment makes us miserable and unhappy – inside and out. I believe that many of the most hateful, grumpity grumps in the world are, at heart, simply miserable themselves – because they don’t think they have all that’s coming to them.  All they deserve.

A couple of people recently told me about a co-worker who was so hateful and mean that you could FEEL her anger and negativity when she walked into a room. It wasn’t at all uncommon for her to leave other workers in tears after shredding their self worth and nerves.   No one likes the B word, but this gal might just be the reason the B word was ever invented in the first place!  After thanking God above that I would probably never meet this woman and after telling the two I was talking to to “stay on her good side, whatever you do,” I started wondering, “I wonder what she thinks is missing in her life. I wonder what her personal tree is.”

Although I wouldn’t want to be the one to tell her, she should think about Eve and the Garden of Eden.  Can you imagine how she’d snap my head off at the suggestion?!? People would be so much happier, healthier, and fun to be around if they didn’t focus on the things that were “missing” and simply looked lovingly and thankfully at the things that were present and accounted for.

Poor Eve.  The mother of discontentment at least leaves us a perfect example of the path that leads from fixation and discontentment to failure and disaster.  They were banished from the Garden of Eden.  But why should she mind, right, it wasn’t good enough for her in the first place…. or so she thought.

I wonder how many people, if they lost what they have, would suddenly realize that it was their own private Eden.  Unfortunately, like Eve, it’d be too late then.

How much better is it to look around at the beauty that is your world and to be thankful and content for all that you have.  Then, the next time discontentment begins to whisper a poisonous sermon in your heart and mind, cut it off. Tell it what Eve should have told the snake, “Look at all I have.. I don’t need anything you’ve got!”

Tomorrow: Adam, most definitely, is not off the hook!

Are Moods Contagious?

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Ever notice that some people are easier to be around and more enjoyable to hang out with than other people? It isn’t necessarily the things they say or don’t say or the number of times they make us laugh. Actually it all comes down to this: How do they make us feel? How do we feel about life and ourselves when we’re around them?

Scientists from Harvard Medical School and University of California at San Diego tell us that happiness is, indeed, contagious.  What’s more, we can actually “catch” other people’s moods. Their study of more than 5,000 people over a 20 year period found that people are more likely to be happy when the people they spend the most time with are positive and upbeat.

Grumble guts, Eeyores, and Negative Nellys do nothing but pull our moods down to their level. Whether you encounter them online or in person, you’ll find yourself wanting nothing more than to avoid their presence at all costs. They make you feel down, angry, sad, discouraged, tense….

The reason? Mirror Neurons. Mirror neurons are nerve cells in the brain that make us automatically adopt the mood of those around us. The funny thing is, you can even “pick up on” someone’s negative vibes online!  Although I can’t prove it, I personally think some people are more susceptible to these effects than others. For instance, I’m highly, highly, highly susceptible to mirror neurons and their mojo, for better or worse.  If, for example, I come across someone in a comment’s section of a blog who is obviously just trying to pick a fight or be difficult and argumentative – I can literally feel my neck muscles tensing. Their negative energy seems to jump right out at me.

On the other end of the spectrum, when I come across people with positive energy, upbeat attitudes, and great vibes – a smile appears on my face without me even telling it to.

You may or may not feel the effects as strongly or as easily as I do, but make no mistake about it – you feel them.  And if that isn’t reason enough to choose who you hang out with carefully, nothing is.

Here’s the thing.  Ultimately, we can’t make everyone around us play nice and, quite frankly, blowing sunshine up their  keester amuses us far more than it does them.  We can, however, choose how we react to people and their moods.  If there are people in your life who seem to get you down, frustrate you, or on a consistent basis bring about negative feelings – recognize it  and do something about it. Maybe you can’t avoid these people – heck, maybe you don’t even want to.  That’s cool.  Just be on guard against the effect they have on you.  Often, just realizing the tendency can help you keep it from happening.

Try to lift their spirits when you can – make them laugh, help them recall happy memories, smile warmly and smile often.  Approach the time you spend with them determined to have the stronger “mood germs” and make them catch YOUR good mood rather than the other way around!

Give them an ear, give them a shoulder.  But don’t give them the power to affect your day.

Reduce the Symptoms of Depression Through Self Help

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Depression is a serious illness that may require professional help if the symptoms are severe. Some common symptoms of depression are a lack of interest in your favorite hobbies, less time spent with those close to you, or a negative outlook on life. These are symptoms that should be treated as soon as possible and there are several options to consider when suffering from depression. Self-help is a great option for overcoming depression and it can be used in conjunction with a therapist.

If you are interested in self help methods for treating depression, there are several changes you can make in your daily life.

Step 1 – Begin a daily exercise routine. This can be as simple as joining a local gym and walking or jogging each day. Exercise causes your body to release endorphins and these can make you feel much better. There isn’t a set time to exercise; it all depends on your schedule, and when you are able to perform these activities. You can even space them out throughout the day.

Step 2 – Modify your diet. Depending on your current diet, it may be beneficial to make sure you eat a good breakfast. This provides your body with nutrients that can help your body function throughout the day. This can also help reduce hunger later in the day. Too much alcohol can also increase the symptoms of depression.

Step 3 – Maintain a Sleep Schedule. Another method of reducing the symptoms of depression is to get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. Proper sleep along with relaxation can really make a difference in how you feel. One method of relaxation is meditation. The benefit of meditation is that it allows you to clear your mind.

Self-help is a great way to reduce the negative effects of depression and there are many techniques to consider that make a big difference. These mostly involve lifestyle changes such as exercise or a change in diet.

The Key to Happiness is in Our Own Hand

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How to Be Happy? Be Happy.When my daughters were 8, 7, and 4, they got along beautifully most of the time. However, as you’d imagine, they were perfectly capable of mini wars that left everyone miserable.

I remember one summer day in particular. Each of the 3 was positively furious with the other 2. Such scowls!

It was one of those, “She’s touching me!” and “Make her stop looking at me!” days. Even our cats were in nasty moods.

Around 3:00 pm, things began to return to normal and the oldest (Emily) and youngest (Stephany) even headed out to the backyard to play. While I was fixing supper, my 7 year old (Brittany) came around the corner with lopsided pigtails and a pooched out bottom lip. She had one sandal on her foot and carried the other in her hand, seemingly undecided about what to do next: Put the second sandal on and join the fun outdoors or take the first one off and stay inside, away from the laughs, sunshine, and playing?

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