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Positive Feedback vs. Negative Feedback and the Effect Each Has on Our Lives

June 21, 2021 by Joi 5 Comments

Quote About Being Yourself

I’m about halfway through a wonderful book, How to Think Like a Millionaire (I hope to have the review up soon!).  It’s one of those books where you find yourself, not only taking notes, but closing the book every now and again just to let everything soak in.  After this morning’s reading, I was basically a sponge.

I just finished a section on Positive Feedback vs Negative Feedback and the impact they have upon our subconscious mind and the absolute power our subconscious mind has over our lives.  Everything rises and falls according to the strength of our subconscious mind, so keeping positive and life-affirming thoughts therein could make ALL the difference.

The Live-Changing Power of Positive Feedback

When I got up from reading to make my husband breakfast, I was still thinking about what I had read.  I realized how, in my own life, positive feedback had a huge impact on me.  My mom and dad were forever telling me what a “good” child I was, how they never had to worry about me getting into trouble, and so on.  That early reinforcement, I’m sure, had a great deal to do with the fact that I never DID get into any trouble.  When I was in my 30’s, a few months before I lost my father – my dad told one of his nurses that the only trouble I ever gave him or my mom was one solitary speeding ticket.

I told him at the time that it was because I was perfect – but I’m absolutely sure that’s not completely honest!

I believe that the same scenario plays out for kids who are constantly told that they’re “bad,” “difficult,” or “spoiled.”  They live down to those words the way the lucky kids live up to the ones they hear.

As I kept thinking, I realized another area where positive feedback affected me greatly.  I believe that one of the reasons I ever fancied myself a writer had to do with things my aunt told me years and years ago.  Penny (my mom’s sister and an aunt I’ve always been VERY close to) and her husband (Bobby – LOVE him too!) had to move to another state when I was really young.  It was really hard on all of us, but Bobby had an amazing offer in Ohio that he would have been a fool to say no to.  He’s the master of corny jokes, but a fool he’s not.

When they left, I missed them terribly, so we started writing a lot of letters to one another – oh, to have had e-mail and social media back then!  When they came home for Christmas, she went on and on about how much my letters meant to her and Bobby.  She said she always looked forward to them and saved each one.  When she said they “made her smile” because they were like visiting with me, I began to associate true, beautiful power with words.

Many years later, when I got married and we had to move to Kansas, I had a lot more letters to write.  I still wrote to Penny, but I also wrote to my parents and my grandmother.  Each one of them always told me how much they loved reading my letters, how they kept them and often re-read them.  My grandmother even told me how she read them to her friends, and that they enjoyed my “way with words.”

Positive Feedback, friends.

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that all of my loved ones were right and I’ve had a fascination with words and writing since.

When I handed my smiling husband his breakfast, I thought of yet another area of positive feedback touching my life. Early in my marriage, I fell head over heels in love with cooking.  I started collecting cookbooks and even began coming up with my own recipes.  He’d often have his single friends over to our house for supper.  I often overheard him talking about my “wonderful” cooking and it made me believe I was the greatest cook in the world.  The fact that he and our daughters are always so complimentary about my meals, desserts, bread, etc. only makes me love cooking more and more.

I am very, very blessed that the people I love most in this world have always made me feel like I could do anything. It makes me very sad to think there are others out there who don’t have this positive feedback in their life.

A Lack of Positive Feedback

I wonder if one of the main reasons people become discouraged and give up is because they don’t get enough positive feedback. Think about the stereotypical scenario of the couple who has been together for several years. She begins to feel he doesn’t love her or think she’s pretty simply because he has stopped saying the words. The positive feedback, early in the relationship, built her confidence up SO high that when the words stopped, she came crashing down, bewildered and even wondering what she’s doing wrong.

The same could be said of children, co-workers, and just about anyone you could name. Children often give up because they don’t feel appreciated. Co-workers and friends get to the point that they quit trying because nothing they do is ever good enough.

The Pitfalls of Negative Feedback

The only thing more dangerous than a lack of positive feedback is a steady stream of negative feedback. When a spouse, daughter, son, friend, co-worker, etc. only hears negative comments – they begin to believe the words and come to believe that they are as worthless as the comments say they are. Many even tune the negativity out to a certain degree, after all, who wants to constantly hear how worthless, stupid, wrong, irresponsible, or bad they are?!?! But it goes much deeper than them tuning it out. They begin to believe it. When someone believes the worst about themselves, they stop even trying.

However, if they get positive feedback – even if it’s for the smallest possible thing – their confidence and self worth begin to grow. After they’ve gotten enough positive feedback, they begin to give themselves MORE of the same feedback, then… look out!

The Most Important Feedback of All

As important as the feedback we get from others is, it’s not the most vital feedback. That feedback is the one we feed ourselves. The words we say to ourselves, usually inside our own minds, determine how successful we will or will not be. We are, basically, what we think we are.

The words below are just some of the words we use to cripple ourselves:

  • I’m too old
  • I’m too fat
  • I’m not smart enough
  • I never catch any breaks
  • I don’t have enough money
  • Nobody loves me
  • I’m lonely
  • I can’t do anything
  • I’m so depressed
  • I am so sick and tired of…
  • My live sucks!

When we feed ourselves words like this, we’re feeding ourselves a type of poison. Anyone who feeds these words to another person (especially someone they supposedly love) should be even more ashamed.

Start thinking more about the feedback you give to others and to yourself.  The words you say to and about the people around you makes them better or makes them worse.  If you beat them down, that’s where they’ll stay.  If you build them up, that’s the direction in which they’ll grow.

Now let’s change the pronouns a little:  If you beat yourself down, that’s where you’ll stay.  If you build yourself up, that’s the direction in which you’ll grow.  How far can you and I grow?  As far as we want to!

How to Think Like a Millionaire

The book below, How to Think Like a Millionaire is a must-read as far as I’m concerned. It’s all about altering your mindset – the millionaire part has absolutely nothing to do with it. What matters is believing that you deserved the best from life… because you absolutely do.


Filed Under: Books I Love, General, Helping Children, Relationships, Self Help Tagged With: affirmations, getting along with co-workers, motivational writing, negative feedback, parenting, positive affirmations, positive feedback, Relationships, self growth, Self Help, self help article, self help blog, self worth

Helping Others: It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out…

June 12, 2021 by Joi Leave a Comment

It’s Always the Right Time to Reach Out and Help Others

While many things are returning to normal in many parts of the world, none of us are completely back to normal. In fact, for a lot of people, normal may look, sound, smell, and certainly feel different for quite a while.

Maybe forever.

Before you let that make you frown, realize that not all change is bad. In fact, some change can be a very good, positive thing.

What if we all come out of this pandemic more willing to reach out and help others than we have ever been willing before? What if the consideration and concern for our neighbors (very near and very far) that we’ve experienced and displayed lasts… well… forever?

I for one certainly hope so!

I have a great deal of correspondence with others through my e-mail and social media. I have noticed over the past year more of us are apt to sign off with things such as…

  • Stay Safe!
  • Be Well!
  • Best Wishes to You and Your Family!
  • Etc..

I also notice many greetings begin with..

  • I hope you’re well…
  • I hope you’re safe…
  • I hope you and your loved ones are well…

It didn’t used to be like this.

When I’m in stores and restaurants (still riding an emotional high that my favorite Mexican restaurant weathered this storm and is open for business!), I see people smiling at one another these days – the warm smiles aren’t just reserved for babies anymore! People seem to genuinely care for others post-pandemic than they did pre-pandemic and that’s something I very, very, VERY much sticks around.

Many people are struggling today – more, perhaps, than ever before. The pandemic introduced a lot of unpleasantness into our lives. Some unpleasantness we could SEE – lockdowns, less family visits, less income, arguments with family members who view the virus differently than we do, and a total upheaval in our daily lives. Other unpleasantnesses couldn’t be seen, but my goodness are they ever felt.

  • the anxiety that comes with coming face to face with your own vulnerability
  • stress from seeing, daily, others sick and suffering
  • being more aware of death than ever before… I mean, we were given daily numbers!
  • arguments within families due to more stress
  • broken relationships because of other’s views on the virus, masks, and vaccines

Make no mistake about it, this pandemic left its vile fingerprints on all of our lives.

It’s worth remembering that you don’t have to always be strong. You can cry when you darn well feel like crying! It’s okay to feel scared and I’m giving you permission to feel angry about the whole thing. Feel the emotions you want to feel and make no attempt to tell others how to deal with their feelings. We all cope differently and we all heal differently.

Finally, I’d love to encourage everyone to reach out and help others in any way possible. If you know someone who seems to have the weight of the world on their shoulders, either ask them what you can do to make the load lighter or (perhaps even better) step up and do something for them that helps lighten their load.

Ideas include mowing their lawn, giving them a gift card to their favorite restaurant (this way you help them and the restaurant), offering to watch their child/children while they treat themselves to a day out. Simply showing up to their house with a Starbucks drink for you and a Starbucks drink for them and sitting to talk with them for an hour may be just the tonic they (and you!) need.

Many are dealing with anxiety, stress, depression, and other emotional and mental strains right now. If you can be a blessing to someone, please don’t hesitate to do so. You may give them exactly what they needed to hang in there and keep fighting.

As a bonus, helping others makes you feel so good!

Stay strong, stay well, and stay safe. I truly care about each and every one of you. ~ Joi (“Joy”)

Filed Under: General, Make a Difference, Mental Fitness, Positive Thought Tagged With: anxiety, helping others, pandemic, Self Help, stress

Most Dangerous Apps for Kids: How to Protect Children Online

December 14, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

Those of us with children in our lives have extra special concerns and fears we face on a day to day basis – keeping the children we love and cherish as safe as possible. The fact that so many children (unfortunately!) spend so much time online just adds to our worries.

The online world offers so many threats and risks for children – whether they’re 8 years old or 18. Most parents and grandparents don’t even realize all the unsavory (and downright dangerous) things that are out there and one of the reasons is that we, as adults, tend to frequent our favorite websites and apps and don’t diligently watch out for ones that could be luring (and harming) our kids.

Whether it’s horrifying images, predators, or scams – countless people are just waiting to take advantage of kids.

A few tips:

  • Be certain your child is old enough to be trusted with an iPhone, iPad, or unsupervised internet time.
  • Monitor the amount of time your child spends online. This is becoming a colossal problem in our society and one that isn’t just going to go away.
  • Obviously, you love your child and trust them. Somehow we just inherently trust our children – however, always be on guard. A lie (to a child, even as old as 18) is nothing more than a means of avoiding trouble – they don’t associate it with being disrespectful and they certainly don’t realize the dangers that are posed to them. They assume we (the adults) are being overprotective and unreasonable. Just don’t drop your guard.
  • Do your research! Stay on top of current dangers and experiences other parents and grandparents have had.
  • The guide Parent Alert: How to Keep Your Kids Safe Online is a wonderful resource.
  • Keep one thing in mind – it is always better to come across as overprotective and risk “annoying” your child than for any harm to come to them.

Below is an infographic from SwiftTechBuy.com which lists the most dangerous apps for kids. I hope you’ll share it with everyone you know who has children in their lives. At the bottom of the inofgraphic is a list of “source.” The websites listed in the sources would be great places for you to use to stay informed.

 

Click the infographic for a larger version!

Most Dangerous Apps for Kids

Infographic Courtesy of SwiftTechBuy.com


Filed Under: Helping Children, Infographics Tagged With: dangerous apps for kids, Infographic, keeping kids safe online

Altruism – What is it and How do you Practice it?

December 4, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

by Matt Gregory

Altruism – What is it and How do you Practice it?

There are very few actual altruistic acts in the world. Even those that may appear to be altruistic often come with an underlying benefit to the person or party performing such an act. 

Altruism is an act of kindness that benefits only those on the receiving end, in no way benefiting the giving party in any way shape or form. That means no financial rewards, no expectation of reciprocation and not publicising the act themselves as this can be seen as boasting in order to improve their own reputation and how they are perceived by others.

When an Altruistic Act May not be as it Seems

Before we continue, let us be clear – simply because an act is not 100% altruistic does not mean that it is not thoughtful and is not an act of good. People can perform an act for good that benefits either a single person, or a wider group, and themselves benefit in some way shape or form.

The best example of when an apparent altruistic act isn’t altruistic at all is when either a celebrity or business perform an act of charity as part of a PR campaign. While they are, in fact, helping others and, in twine, raising awareness for an issue, there is a separate goal that caters to that celebrity of business’ perception in the public domain. They are wanting to be seen to be doing good in the community – this is not true altruism, although it is still a thoughtful act of kindness.

What is an Altruistic Act?

If an act is truly altruistic, you probably wouldn’t have heard about it unless those on the receiving end have broadcast it. An act of true kindness if performed with the sole intention of benefiting someone else without being broadcast and/or utilised in any way to benefit the giving party is altruistic.

Charity is often the central point for an altruistic act, with donors giving money – either on a one-off or regular basis – for a cause close to their heart. In Islam, such a donation is known as Sadaqah – where Muslims perform the act of giving or helping for good. You can find more information here on this religious practice.

Are There Enough Truly Altruistic Acts Performed Today?

Because of the point already raised earlier on in this article, it is hard to know how altruistic modern society truly is because you likely won’t hear about an act of altruism. With that being said, millions of people around the world continue to live in poverty, unable to provide for their families, children being sent to work instead of gaining an education and homeless sleeping rough on the streets.

On that basis, you would have to say that not enough acts are being performed as there are more than enough resources to ensure that not a single person has to starve, sleep rough or be denied access to education. While many are undoubtedly performed every day, there is certainly room for more…there always is.

How to Perform an Act of Altruism

You can perform an act of altruism by simply helping someone sleeping rough on the street by giving them a sandwich, something to drink, a blanket or a change of clothes without the need for posting about it across your social media profiles. There are also thousands of charities that would be highly grateful to receive whatever you can afford to give.

Equally, an act of altruism doesn’t have to benefit a stranger as you can also do something for a friend and/or relative that may be struggling. Simply taking the time to have a conversation with someone when no one else is there can be considered an act of altruism.

Filed Under: Articles by Various Authors, Make a Difference, Positive Thought

A Parent’s Guide to Phonological Processes

August 22, 2019 by Joi Leave a Comment

Phonological refers to the relationships between speech sounds. Phonological processes are those mistakes children make when learning how to talk. Ideally, they stop making these mistakes and learn to speak clearly and properly at all times. However, parents are often stumped by the mistakes their children make. They’re also left wondering when it is a phase and when it is a sign of a speech delay. This is why WPS Publish created this useful infographic on phonological processes.

It describes the most common phonological problems or speech mistakes children make. It says when most children stop making this mistake. This allows parents to know when they should take their children for an assessment or visit a speech pathologist. Then the child’s speech delays are addressed as early as possible, minimizing the impact of speech problems on social development and their education. By giving parents a medical label for the problem, they know what it is called and can discuss it by name with doctors and teachers. The infographic also identifies the errors that only occur in more severe cases, allowing parents to know when they need expert help as soon as possible.


Types of Phonological Processes

Credit: WPSPublish.com

Filed Under: Helping Children, Infographics

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My name is Joi (“Joy”)! I am the animal lover behind Self Help Daily.

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