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Self Help

Setting Yourself Up to Succeed

by joi on January 3, 2010

in Fitness, Positive Thought, Self Help

There are certain things my husband says that I just tune out.  The whole money not growing on trees spiel has never amused me.  Truth be told, it depresses me. It’s akin to the “I’m not made of money, honey” statement.  The first time my husband pulled that one on me, I thought, “Yeah. Neither is my dad.” Do males have a code book or something?

I’m also weary of my husband’s driving instructions and commands to slow down.  He wants to take the sport out of the whole process and I’m having none of it.

While I’m on a roll, romantic comedies are not “stupid” and watching one WILL NOT cost him his man card. Whatever that is. He’s also wrong about shopping.  It most certainly is essential to go down every aisle, how else will you see if there’s anything you need?!  Generally, this is where I learn that he isn’t made of money, nor does it grow on trees, and that money won’t burn a hole in my pocket if it stays there longer than 24 hours. How does he know this?

I’ve given up on making sense out of a lot of the things out of the man’s mouth, but I’ve learned that  many of the things he says do make sense.  I was thinking about one of them recently.

He always says that you are only as good as the tools you surround yourself with.  That’s why he spares no expense on our home office technology, software, desks, and other necessities.  If you want to excel, you have to give yourself every advantage that you can. See, I do listen to some things.  It’s just a lovely little coincidence that this lesson involves spending money.

It’s a truth that everyone would do well to remember when confronting their New Year’s Resolutions and self improvement goals (at any time of the year, for that matter).  If you have a particular area that you want to improve or grow in, ask yourself the following question, “What will help me accomplish these goals?”  Think about it this way:  If you had everything you need to make your dreams come true, wouldn’t they be a reality now rather a resolution?

Very often what’s missing isn’t inside of us, it’s outside of us.

  • The woman trying to get fit and lose weight:  Maybe it isn’t her self-control, will-power, or eating that’s the real problem. Maybe she simply needs to burn more calories and would be a size 10 waiting to strut with an exercise bike, elliptical, or treadmill.
  • The man who’s trying to earn extra money with his blog:    Maybe a premium theme,  professional graphics, or even an seo consultant could push him over the hump.
  • The college student who is trying to carry an A average:  Maybe a great laptop computer and educational software would help with research, assignments, and papers.
  • The would-be-cook:  The Food Network combined with great kitchen gadgets, appliances, cookbooks, and (of course) a great spice rack will keep her or him inspired and cooking up a storm.
  • The individual who is about one traffic jam short of a meltdown:  Relax, Max! Seriously, anyone who experiences stress in their lives needs to surround themselves with things that make the stress slide off of their body:  Bird feeders and bird houses near a window, lavender-scented candles,  a beautiful cat,  desk top fountains, sound therapy, relaxation cds….  Stop going it alone – give yourself the edge you need to take off the edge.

As a golfer is only as good as his equipment, an individual is only as good as they set themselves up to be.

We’re past the holidays now – when your focus is on making everyone else’s faces light up. Now it’s time to be just a wee bit selfish; come on, just a wee bit. There’s a direct correlation between how good you can be to others and how good you are to yourself.  If you don’t take care of YOU, how in the world are you going to take care of anyone else. You have to be healthy, happy, and content first and foremost.

Granted, many times we have shortcomings and we often stand ridiculously in our own way.  Very often the problem does lie inside of us.  But not always.  Remember: If you had everything you need to make your dreams come true, wouldn’t they be a reality now rather a resolution?

Behold: The Land of the Lost

by joi on December 17, 2009

in Articles, General, Self Help

Land of the Lost TV Show

I admit it: I’m a people watcher from way back. My mom said that, in the hospital nursery, all the other newborns were either sleeping or crying but I kept looking around. I kept an eye on the nurses, the parents, and the other babies. I guess I was just born to watch people with the utmost fascination.  Who needs to sleep, cry, or drink milk when they can try to get a handle on everyone else?

In a completely good-natured, innocent way, I sometimes “group” people into categories. There are the grumble guts (the ones with permanent scowls on their faces – I avoid them at all costs), the sweet seniors (love them), the jocks (you know, they’re the sort that wouldn’t just foul you on the b-ball court, they’d foul you hard), the sour seniors (grumble guts with years of practice under their belts), the Tree Huggers (they don’t just carry their own bags, they snarl at your plastic ones – they also seem to be waiting for the opportunity to lecture you on global warming, Polar Bears, seals, world hunger….) and many others – ranging from baby divas to the geek squad.  Of course there are some groups who are obvious: SuperMoms are the ones with 30 arms, the Cellphone Jokeys are the ones who are always riding a cellphone, Store Spinners (they take all day to shop and delight in each spin of the shopping cart) etc.   My daughters are baby divas (well-dressed, perfectly groomed, very young females) and my husband’s a geek-squad/jock/Cellphone Jockey.  Busy boy.  Me? I’m a SuperMom/Tree Hugger/Coffee Chugger/Store Spinner.  I’m also the driver you most want to avoid on the road.  One of those who never seems to know where she’s going until she’s about a mile past it.

Yesterday, I reported for jury duty and, lo and behold, I discovered a whole new breed of people:  The Land of the Lost.

I’ll get back to them in just a minute, but first a mini-rant.  Why do people panic over the mere proposition of jury duty?  It doesn’t last that long, it’s not that big of a deal, it isn’t hard, physical work, no one will pull a single tooth, and you sit more than you do anything else.  Yet people practically panic over the prospect.  I’ve heard of so many individuals who don’t even go – they act as though they never got the letter.  Why flirt with that kind of trouble?!  Even while there, people were trying to squirm out – even after the judge gave an excellent speech about civic duty and pointed out that he had served in Vietnam and suffered greatly all in the name of duty.

After hearing his speech, people still lined up trying to weasel out.

If you ever get a letter – just go. It’s not a big deal AT ALL.  It’s actuallyvery interesting.  You might discover a whole new breed of people, too.

Which, of course, brings us back to our beloved Land of the Lost.  There were over 100 of us there and this people watcher was in her element and on her game. So many people to observe and so little time.  There were lots of sweet seniors, a couple of  grumble guts and zero sour seniors (must’ve stayed home, miserable).  There was 1 cowboy, 5 Woodstock Holdouts, and several Honey-Dos, husbands who looked lost without their wives to show them where to sit.  There was a baby diva who was about 8 months pregnant – and she wore it beautifully.  She was brave enough to show.

There were enough Christmas Sweater Ladies to make a softball team, and they each smelled amazing.  Christmas Sweater Ladies are a tidy bunch and they have excellent perfume skills.

However…. a special group began to materialize in front of me.  It was as though I was a photographer for National Geographic – on assignment to photograph…oh, I dunno, let’s say polar bears… when a family of seals (a new species never seen, let alone photographed) comes flopping up.  Oh joy! How unexpected!

Hello, The Land of the Lost.

There were several individuals who seemed so completely out of their element that getting onto the elevator seemed taxing to them.  They seemed frightened of every person they passed, they acted as though they were being sent to the Middle East for a stretch of 5 years.  Following simple instructions seemed to be almost painful for them, poor dears.

It didn’t take long to figure them out.  The Land of the Lost doesn’t get out much.  Oh,  they know their way around a television set and can work a remote control like an airplane pilot works his controls.  They could tell you which show comes on which night, which channel it comes on, when the series finale will be, etc.  The high end Land of the Lost-ites can even tell you which series are on dvd.  They know what they’ll eat Friday night, they know where they’ll eat Sunday afternoon – after all, practice makes perfect and they don’t step outside of the lines very often.  They don’t know any good books, they don’t quite know what’s going on in the world, and life outside of their home is a little overwhelming.

Their lives have become so routine that when they have to step outside of the norm, they are utterly lost.  They’re the ones who don’t want to visit new cities, let alone other states (Heck fire, we’ve got all we need right here!).  New experiences?  Thanks, ma’am, but I like the ones I’ve been having for all these years. Time has cast them into a tiny little mold and they’ve hardened over the years.  When taken out of the mold for any length of time they seem to have one thing on their mind:  Getting back!

We can’t really be too hard on them.  It’s easy to get into a routine.  Why?  It’s comfortable and everyone loves being comfortable.  That’s probably why a lot of people have such an issue with serving on juries – it’s just a little too far out of the norm for them.  Yet, outside of the norm (outside of the mold) is where TRUE growth happens.  Each experience helps you to develop new layers and fill up fresh wells of life experiences to draw from.

The next time you’re faced with a situation that will be a stretch for you, welcome it! Don’t shy away from it or do back-bends trying to get out of it.  See it as an opportunity to keep you on your toes, an opportunity to keep your senses sharp, an opportunity to stretch yourself and an opportunity to meet new people and gain new experiences.

See it as a way to stay out of The Land of the Lost.

Control Your Temper! Adult Temper Tantrums

by joi on October 19, 2009

in Relationships, Self Help

It's All About Me! How to Control Your Temper.

On the way to Applebee’s last night, my husband and I were talking about temperaments, adult tantrums, and choosing your moments to… well…. show your butt.  Come on, admit it, sometimes these moments present themselves. They walk right up to you and present you with a golden ticket.  In the way of an example:  Two of my girls and I were eating out a few weeks ago when a couple of workers were down-right rude and unnecessarily nasty to my daughter Brittany.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Did they not see the “Caution: Overly Protective Mother – Approach with Extreme Caution” balloon that floats over my head?

Joi’s Golden Rule: Thou shalt not mess with my family, animals, or anyone who is incapable of defending him or herself.  I’m a very laid back, easy going gal – I drink from the live and let live well -but the rule, it must not be broken.  I’d also never tell anyone to aspire to being a doormat.  The view would surely suck.

However, more times than not, the petty little things people get bent out of shape over simply are not worth it.  Think about a child’s temper tantrum – think about the best one you’ve ever seen.  The best one I can think of involved a little boy (about 5 years old) on a playground.  His mom said that it was time to go and he was in no way ready to leave the fun behind.  He turned as red as a sunburn and let out a sound that made squirrels run up trees and other children (including my own) run to their parents.  In fact, I inherited a few kids who couldn’t find their own.

We’ve all seen these temper tantrums in children and, even though we hate to admit it, we’ve often laughed because kids look kind of cute when their emotions get the best of them.  Of course, the cute factor wears off as they get bigger and older – by the time they’re adults, these tantrums are anything but cute. They’re downright ugly.

The same underlying button causes adults and children to lash out – it’s the “Everything is about me!” button.  No one wants to admit that they have this button, but the proof’s in the pout.

  • When a car pulls out in front of Joe Average, he gets furious. He quickly decides whether to go with the fist, the finger that’s a middle child, or the horn.  Is it because he’s concerned about the other driver’s safety?  Of course not, Joe is outraged that someone pulled out in front of him – after all, it’s his road!  That does it, he’s going with all 3 of his choices.  In that moment, he looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Jane Average has to wait in line at Target for longer than 3 minutes, she huffs, she puffs, and she glares a hole through every worker in the store.  Is she upset that the cashier is probably so tired she could cry?  Does she feel badly for the frazzled workers or their tired feet?  No way.  Jane is furious that she is being detained from going about her important duties.  Don’t they know who she is?  In that moment, she looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Jeff Average is at work and someone hasn’t done exactly as he said, he stomps through the office, verbally abusing everyone within earshot.  It’s his world, after all, and everyone is here with one purpose:  To serve him!  The sooner they get that, the quieter the office will be.  In that moment, he looks just like the kid in the park.
  • When Julie Average is in the store with her children and they begin to get restless, she rips into them like I do a chocolate cupcake.  How dare they impose upon her moment?!  Does she recognize that they’re probably tired and don’t enjoy an hour long shopping spree like she does?  No way.  It’s all about her and everyone else had better just suck it up.  In that moment, she looks just like the kid in the park.

It doesn’t matter where Jane, Julie, Jeff, or Joe are and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing – if something doesn’t go their way (if the “It’s all about me” button isn’t being constantly pushed), they often launch into the adult tempter tantrum.  And as we’ve already established, it most definitely is not cute.

It seems to me that, over all, people are getting less and less tolerant.  Their patience is thinner and the proverbial Me Button is closer to the surface than ever.

One of the main reasons, I think, is that people aren’t getting enough R & R.  Not enough rest and relaxation.  Sure, it’s important to get enough sleep at night, but it’s also important to just unwind during the day and blissfully do nothing.  Let your mind, body, and soul simply enjoy living. You don’t HAVE to be accomplishing something, you don’t always have to be socializing, you don’t always have to be on the go.

Slow down.  Dial down.  Breathe.

Something that could help divert a lot of adult temper tantrums is a simple question.  When you’re confronted with a situation that’s pressing on or even jumping on your IT’S ALL ABOUT ME button, ask yourself, “What if this is the worst thing that happens to me this week?”  That’ll put it all into perspective and  you’ll probably find yourself smiling.

And that’s the point.

Next Post: Installing a New Button!

Self Improvement: The Checks and Balances of Life

by joi on September 14, 2009

in General, Positive Thought, Self Help

scales

“God says:  Take what you want and pay for it!” - Spanish Proverb

Author Dorothy Van Doren once wrote an entire article around the Spanish proverb above.  She wrote that when she first hear the proverb, it actually frightened her:  “I used to dream of an Angel with a flaming sword.  But as I thought more about it, I realized that the Angel held not a sword but a balance.”

Her eloquent illustration actually left more of an impact on me than the proverb, itself.

Imagine a scale for a minute.  On one side, we can put our heart’s desire – usually one of the ones listed below:

  • We want more money
  • We want to lose weight
  • We want a promotion
  • We want more traffic to our web site or blog
  • We want a closer relationship with our spouse
  • We want our kids to be successful

Irregardless of our own personal desires or needs, we have to realize that nothing is free in life.  I went to Target today and found the things I wanted:  cat food, sinus medicine, white grape juice, and bleach.  I put them into the cart one at a time and wheeled along my familiar path to the cashiers.  After placing my goods on the conveyor belt, I got out my billfold, after all the things I want come with a price tag (even though the one on the sinus medicine should have been ashamed of itself!).

The process inside Target isn’t any different from the one outside Target.  Nothing comes free in life.  If we want to lose weight – there’s a price we have to pay.  We have to eat healthier foods and get more exercise.  It’s the exchange we make in order to have our heart’s desire.

If we want more web traffic, a job promotion, better relationships, or success in any area – we have to give in order to get.  No one’s going to come along and do the work for us and no one’s going to hand us everything we want wrapped in gold foil.

We can’t sit back and keep on doing what we’ve been doing – especially if it isn’t working.  If we “think” we’ve been doing enough (paying the price we need to pay) we might need a wake up call.  The bottom line is, if the price we’re paying isn’t achieving what we want, we’re pretty much counterfeiters.  We aren’t fooling anyone but ourselves.  The scales aren’t balanced because what we’re giving doesn’t weigh as much as what we want.

When we make the necessary adjustments and give as “good” as we hope to get – that’s the spot where magic happens and dreams come true.

What Can We Learn From Johnny Depp?

by joi on August 31, 2009

in General, Self Help

Here comes a blatant case of stepping behind the wheel of someone else’s post and driving off with it – in a different direction, no less.

Johnny Depp as Willy WonkaWhat makes Johnny Depp such a spectacular success? Are there things we can bring to our own lives that’ll bring us similar degrees of success?

Obviously, since I’m writing this post, I firmly believe the answer to the second question is “Definitely!” The answer to the first question?  “He’s Johnny Depp.”

I admit it, I’m a movie fanatic – as big a movie fanatic as you’ll ever meet. Furthermore, Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors. In fact, if I had to get my favorites down to just one, Mr. Depp would stand alone – dressed, no doubt, in an outrageous costume. I’m okay with that. So, I could go on forever and a day about the Depp. However, I’ll try to be as brief as my southern heritage permits.

What traits attribute to Johnny Depp’s success and could contribute just as beautifully to our own?

  • I M A G I N A T I O N. When it comes to imagination, Johnny Depp is freaking eat up with the stuff.  When he signed on to be Captain Jack Sparrow, the role was intended to be serious (hard to believe, right?).  However, Mr. Depp saw something else  – something no one else saw.  He saw the potential for the most outrageous, outlandish, deliciously entertaining character to ever sashay across the screen.  He doesn’t put any restraints on his imagination or set any limits.
  • B O L D N E S S. I suspect that Johnny Depp has raised more than a few director’s eyebrows with his interpretation of a character, Captain Jack Sparrow included.  Yet he doesn’t let anyone else’s interpretation interfere with his own.  It takes “to the wall” boldness to launch off in your own direction – especially when everyone else is looking in a completely different direction.
  • A U D A C I O U S N E S S. When I think of the things that make Johnny Depp a success, one of the first things that comes to mind is this:   He takes roles that no actor in his right mind would ever touch.  Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands, a murderous barber with a penchant for breaking out in song (Sweeney Todd).   There’s a crazy boldness and confidence about Johnny Depp and, personally, I think that separates him from just about all other actors.  (Robert Downey, Jr and Jamie Foxx are right up there, though.  Sadly,  Heath Ledger had just moved to the head of the class, too, when he died.)

Now, on to the good stuff.  How can we take these threads and weave them into our own lives?

I M A G I N A T I O N.

I lack many positive traits, but one that I am all over is imagination. Mine runs overtime, actually.  If I were to sit downJohnny Depp as Jack Sparrow and give myself 2 hours to think of an idea for a blog or web site, I would have 42 inside of an hour.   Everyone has strong areas and this just so happens to be my strongest  one – few can hold a candle to me when I swing the pendulem of my imagination!  Truthfully, I think it could have something to do with the fact that I was an only child.  I spent the early part of my life being completely entertained by my imagination – I delighted in creating stories, personalities and names for dolls, stuffed animals, and so on.

I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face. – Johnny Depp

If  imagination isn’t one of your strong points, or if you’d simply like it to be even stronger, here’s a suggestion.  Set aside 30 minutes each day for “Mind Stretching.”  Grab a pen and paper and find a completely quiet spot, one with as few distractions as possible.  Once there, the next step is simple:  Get lost in your own web of thoughts.  Think of Johnny Depp.  Remember, we said above that he sets no limits or restraints on his imagination.  Do thusly.  Concentrate on any problems or situations that you want to achieve more success in.  Let your mind run wildly through solutions and ideas.  Don’t hold your thoughts back, let them be as wild as they want to be!

Johnny Depp as Mad HatterMake a habit of doing this each day.  Some days you may only have 15 minutes to spend with your imagination, that’s fine.  I guarantee you that something remarkable will happen:  The imaginative part of your brain will think of these sessions the same way my cat, Alexa, thinks of playtime.  She knows the times during the day when it’s time to head to the floor and bat toy mice and plastic balls around for all they’re worth.

Your brain will delight in the increased activity and will “step up” in ways you never dreamed possible.  The brain is an amazing thing – it not only knows when it has been given center stage, it also knows how long it has to perform.  And perform it will!

B O L D N E S S

Probably the one thing that holds most of us back is a lack of boldness.   We aren’t sure what exactly will happen “out there” and don’t know if we’ll be able to land on our feet.  Boldness is one of those things that tends to get easier with use, but those of us who lack boldness don’t want to use it often enough to find out.

Something that I often have to remind myself of is this:  If you never step out of your comfort zone, the view never, ever changes.

Sometimes we just have to throw caution to the wind.  I’ve found that more times than not, when we wade out, we find the water agreeably pleasant.  Charles F. Kettering said, “Where there is an open mind there will always be a frontier.”  We need to keep our mind open to bold new experiences.

A U D A C I O U S N E S S

When I was working on this post, I wrestled for a while with this word – Audaciousness. After all, my inner wordsmith argued, audaciousness is a distant cousin of boldness… a word I’d already used.   In the end, I decided that while it could be considered a distant cousin – she was such a loud, colorful, and over-the-top cousin that I couldn’t leave her out.

If there’s any message to my work, it is ultimately that it’s OK to be different, that it’s good to be different, that we should question ourselves before we pass judgment on someone who looks different, behaves different, talks different, is a different color. – Johnny Depp

Besides, within her lies the secret ingredient.  If coffee is bold – audaciousness is espresso.  Audaciousness is boldness Johnny Depp Sweeney Toddwithout boundaries, imagination without restraint, and originality without hesitaion.  Audaciousness is being brave and brazen enough to live your life out loud even if everyone around you is living their’s in a manner that’s barely audible.

Audaciousness doesn’t make any apologies.

These are three of the things I think we can learn from Johnny Depp.  Things that can bring us more success – however it is that we define it.  If we combine imagination, boldness, and audaciousness, we’ll soon be living a life that’s fuller, richer, more rewarding, and a heck of a lot more fun.

If you catch me saying ‘I am a serious actor,’ I beg you to slap me. – Johnny Depp

Words Have the Power to Make Relationships or Break Relationships

by joi on July 23, 2009

in Relationships, Self Help

Smithland Estate

The husband and I were driving around Smithland, Kentucky a few days ago.  It’s a beautiful little river city near Paducah.  I’ll forgive you if you haven’t heard of Smithland, it puts the small in small town.

I saw a cool street sign there, however, that made me start thinking about words – not that I need much motivation to think about words.  I’m totally obsessed with them to begin with.  Love to write them, love to read them, love to just immerse myself in their company every chance I get.

The sign was on a narrow little street lined with houses (with yards filled with bikes, swingsets, etc.).  The Sign said, “DRIVE SLOW.  WE LOVE OUR KIDS!”

Effective, much.

This sign put on a Communication’s Workshop all by itself.  Copywriters, bloggers, speakers – anyone who owns a mouth with which they speak or hands with which they write could gather around the humble little sign and soak up the knowledge.

Everyone needs a WHY in life.  Telling someone DO THIS or  DON’T DO THAT without a why to support it simply isn’t as effective.  The beauty of this sign lies in the fact that it conjures up something that most signs don’t  – Emotion.  Most of us are used to the  “Slow Children Playing” signs.  We seldom even register them when we see them anymore.  (The only time I really notice them is when they remind me of what my dad said when they put this sign on our street, “Okay,but how about the fast ones? Are they fair game?”  – I miss my dad.)

When you see one of the signs in Smithland, you’re pulled into the emotion that we all have for our children.  The feeling tugs on your heart and you lay off the  gas.

Words.  Are.  Powerful.

Words have the power to heal broken hearts and make dreams come true.  They have the power to make someone feel better about themself.  They also have the power to break hearts in the first place and to keep dreams from coming true.  And of course they have the power to tear someone down completely and cause them to feel completely worthless.

How forcible are right words! – Job 6:25

Maybe it’s because I have such a close, loving relationship with words – but I wish that people who use words to harm, judge, belittle, tease, or shame others would take up the habit of chewing gum……  a big wad of gum, so thick that they can’t possibly even speak.

Wouldn’t the world be a more joyous, fun place in which to live?!?!

This is just one of the reasons I have always strived to keep hate out of my heart and out of my mind.  When hate moves into your heart or mind, rest assured no good will ever come from it.  It’ll simply grow and grow – then come flying out of your mouth or fingertips.  Confucius said it best, “Words are the voice of the heart.”   If your words are consistently critical, condemning, and unkind – guess what emotion dominates your heart?!  It’s not just time to give your vocabulary an overhaul, it’s time to rethink your outlook on life.

I’ve often wondered if those who are hyper critical and overly judgmental are, on some level, very unhappy.  It just seems to me that if you’re a happy, contented person who truly appreciates your blessings, you won’t have time to spit hatred all over the place.

If that’s the case, then I feel kind of sorry for the grumble guts.  Hopefully, before they push the entire world away from them, they’ll find happiness.  THEN, they can spread that instead of misery.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. – Josh Billings

We’d all do well to begin paying closer attention to our words – some people might just be amazed.  Begin to be freeer with your compliments and more stingy with your sarcasm and insults.  If someone you love looks beautiful, tell them so.  If they cook a killer meal, commend them right before you give them a heartfelt “Thank you!”  If someone does a favor for you, let them know how much you appreciate the favor and, even more, them.

Don’t take people for granted and never assume someone knows how you feel or what you think.  They’ll only know for sure when you tell them.

“Words are the voice of the heart.” – Confucius

Self Improvement Advice From a Rocking Chair in North Carolina

by joi on April 15, 2009

in Daily Quote, Positive Thought, Self Help

Wooden DogIn a recent newsletter article, author Mary Southerland told about an experience she’d had several years ago. She was living in the mountains of North Carolina (a breathtakingly beautiful part of the country). One of her passions was old-world country stores and the gorgeous handmade “treasures” that filled them.

On one occasion, she was exploring some off roads in search of just such treasure and found herself on a dirt road.

She saw a bearded man sitting on the porch in a rocker with a pile of wooden logs by his side. By the porch railing she noticed a large collection of beautifully carved wooden dogs. The mountain artisan asked her to join him and to feel free to ask any questions.

As she tells it, she had only one, “How in the world do you carve these beautiful dogs out of those ordinary pieces of wood?”

His priceless response? “Well, Missy, it’s pretty simple. I just take me a piece of wood and cut away everything that doesn’t look like a dog.”

Hmph.  So I’ve been searching and pondering and pondering and searching for years to put my finger on the secret to self improvement and a man in the mountains of North Carolina knew the secret the entire time?

I can see it now. He’d be sitting across from me at my dining room table. I’d pour him a cup of coffee and give him a slice of Coconut Cake. Hopefully he wouldn’t mind cats, because I’m sure Alexa would be all over him. I’d take a long drink of coffee and ask him, “So, what do you think is the secret to self improvement? Which do you think is more important, positive affirmations, visualization, or motivational speakers? What’s your favorite self help book and who’s your favorite self help author? Have you ever heard of vision boards?  How do you feel about mood journals? — What? Oh, yes sir, God did give me the gift of gab. — What’s your favorite motivational quote? How do you feel about goal setting?”

Then, as he finished his Coconut Cake, he’d wipe his mouth and say, “Well, Missy, it’s pretty simple. I just take me a piece of wood and cut away everything that doesn’t look like a dog.”

I’d look at him the way my husband often looks at me, with question marks instead of pupils.  I’d start to remind him that this was his approach to making wooden dogs… but then it’d hit me between my question marks.  It’s also the way to making the life you want to make.

What if we took a look at our life and cut away everything that didn’t look like the life we wanted?  What if we took a long, hard look at ourself and cut away everything that didn’t look like the person we wanted to be?

You can’t put a price on that kind of treasure.

The Power of Positive Thoughts and the Pain of Negative Thinking

by joi on April 14, 2009

in Positive Thought, Self Help

Beautiful Horse

Your life is the product of repeated thoughts. – Grenville Kleiser

Think good things – good things happen. Think bad things – bad things happen.

You’re right, I absolutely just set a new record for oversimplifying. Of course, I held the old record, so what do you expect?

There’s a saying amongst actors, “You’re only as good as your last picture.” On a grander scale, we can say that we’re only as great as our last great thought. Of course, the flip side of that would be, We’re only as weak as our last weak thought. Think about yourself for a moment. What are the first thoughts in your mind? Did you think of your wit, your brains, your bad habits, your ridiculously frightful upper arms (sorry, Michelle Obama… the whole arm envy thing), your loyalty, your great smile?

If negative thoughts jump out at you, do something about them. Don’t wait another day – if there is something about you that you feel negatively about, don’t wait for magic to show up in the middle of the night, make your own magic. If you’ve been doing something and it isn’t working, either try something different or dive in with an all new force and determination.

Look out arms.

Did you know that there is incredible power inside even the smallest thought? That’s why I’ve always drummed this into my daughters’ heads: Think highly of yourself or no one else will. Focus your thoughts constructively and think of them as building blocks. When negative, silly, unproductive thoughts creep in, usher them out and get back on track.

We, very often, live up to or live down to our thoughts. If we tend to think of ourselves as….

  • - a victim, we’ll be a victim.
  • - jinxed, we’ll be jinxed.
  • -  a survivor, we’ll be a survivor.
  • - an a$$, we’ll be an a$$.
  • - a winner, we’ll be a winner!

What’s more, if we continue to think of ourselves this way, we’ll always be either a victim, a survivor, and/or a winner.

Just a side thought (after all, when I’m not being the high priestess of oversimplifying, I’m the princess of side roads): Why in the reason of all that’s sane and right would anyone want to be a victim?  Why would they want to paint a picture depicting themselves as a put upon, victimized, taken advantage of, abused, and mistreated soul?  If that’s them at their best, I don’t ever want to see their worst.  Everyone has his or her battles and scars.  Everyone has lived through a nightmare they wish they’d never had.  Don’t be a victim.

Okay, back to the main road.

When you think about your dreams and goals, do you believe in your heart of hearts that they’ll come true? If not, you’d better find a way to start believing or your beliefs will be prophetic. Pinpoint your weaknesses and do everything in your power to strengthen them. Remember, never be ashamed to ask for help when you need it.

If you completely believe in your dreams and in your ability to make them happen, you’re well on your way. Keep your thoughts focused and keep them totally positive. Your dreams will be so close that if they ate onions, you’d smell it on their breath!

Train-ing For Self Improvement, One Track at a Time

by joi on April 10, 2009

in General, Self Help

Train on the Track - With Steam

Don’t you just love trains?  My mom loved them because she said they seemed mysterious to her. Every single time we’d see or hear one, she’d get a far away, dreamy look in her eye – even if one was holding us up and making us late. She said you never knew where all they’d been or the sort of people they’d carried.  She’d get pretty creative thinking about the different scenarios of individuals heading off for exotic places.

When a group at her work got together and planned a trip, she was like me in Starbucks:   Beside herself with anticipation and excitement, talking a mile a minute with a glimmer in her eyes.  When she got to her destination and called me, I asked her if it was as wonderful as she thought.   My mom, who’d talked about trains all of my life said, “No, I’ve never been so bored.  I’m flying back.”

The thing about trains that appeals to me is their power.  They power along as though nothing in the world could stop them, and to even attempt to slow them down would be foolish.

If we adapted a similar mindset, what all could we accomplish?

Personally, I’ve often been guilty of creating too many tracks.  A train will travel on one track at a time.  What’s more, it travels in one direction at a time.  It would be completely impossible for one train to travel on two tracks at once, and it couldn’t head to San Francisco and to New York City at the same time.  I often wonder if the same should be said about people.  Granted, we can multi-task, and we often do.  It’s a necessity most of the time.  However, isn’t our best work done when we choose one track and stick to it?  Don’t we give a task our best when we keep traveling forward with it, until we arrive.

I’ve begun setting aside certain days for certain tasks and have benefited from it greatly.  Trying to test out a new recipe for my food blog, while working on an article for Self Help Daily, while researching Alzheimer’s Disease for Out of Bounds, while analyzing dreams and reviewing books is madness.  When too many things are going on at once, I don’t enjoy anything except the end of the day.

One track at a time is the way to travel in style (and keep your sanity).  If it means some of your cargo has to go, so be it!

When we specialize in this manner, it’s so much easier to stay on track.  When trying to finagle two and three tracks at once, we constantly look for the next “off ramp,” which leads to incomplete work and/or shoddy work.  But if we allow ourselves the privilege of focusing on one task (or track) at a time, we can stay on course until we arrive.

This sort of focus, or lack thereof, is why a lot of restaurants that once focused solely on burgers and made KILLER burgers now only make so-so burgers.  They’re trying to do too much – fish, chicken, potatoes, salads, etc.  Can you imagine how great a burger would be if that’s all they focused on?

Take a look at your own life.  Are you loaded down with so much cargo that you can’t even enjoy the trip?  Are you splitting yourself, and your efforts, in half by trying to negotiate two tracks at once?  When we split ourselves in half, anything we endeavor gets HALF our best.

Choose your tracks wisely and approach them one at a time.  Then…. Full steam ahead!

Do You Live Up to Your Highest Opinion of Yourself?

by joi on April 7, 2009

in Positive Thought, Self Help

Beautiful Bird

This past weekend was gorgeous here in Kentucky. I think we were all convinced we’d seen the last of old man winter until he came blowing back into this part of the country again Monday. Apparently he hadn’t gotten it out of his system yet.

Anyway, Saturday and Sunday were beautiful. We actually got to work in the yard again – we’d almost forgotten what that felt like.

I was raking leaves away from one of our fences when I uncovered a black snake with yellow stripes. Fortunately, he wasn’t very big. Otherwise, I’m certain I would have died on the spot, out of sheer fear. When he first saw the rake, he lunged at it with all the arrogance he could summon. Did you see the movie, Beowulf – where the lead character boldly says, “I. Am. Beowulf.” – As in don’t mess with me, I’ll have to kill you without even working up a sweat.

That’s the approach this little guy took. “I. Am. Snake.” However, when he saw the size of the rake, and that it had a human (albeit stunned human) attached to it, he switched gears. All of a sudden it was, “You. Are. Bigger.” Then the poor little guy kind of coiled up, afraid. At first I tried to let him crawl onto the rake, so I could airlift him onto the other side of the fence (putting us both the heck out of the other’s world).

He wanted no part of that, so I quietly backed away and let him find his way through the fence. I name everything, whether they’re daughters, cats, possums, raccoons, fairy figurines, stuffed animals, etc., so I had to give this guy a name. Bumblebee slithered away as I told him, “Don’t come back when you can stay longer.”

Then I took my rake to my husband and informed him that he’d just lost a helper. Sure, Bumblebee wasn’t very big or intimidating. But my thinking was that he could have a mom, dad, or big brother nearby and the thought of all three ganging up on me at once led to a quick retreat.

This colorful snake (I have to admit, he was pretty) wasn’t any different from most of us. His highest opinion of himself was that he was a very, very bad boy. Intimidating! To be feared by all! Makes women run off screaming! Oh yeah, he’d read the press releases.

Problem was, when it came to living up to this highest opinion, he looked at what he perceived to be overwhelming odds and ferocious competition. Little did he know that if he’d held his ground and maintained that initial “I. Am. Snake.” attitude, I’d have made a hasty and loud retreat.

My unreasonable mind would have thought, “Well, he’s small but he’s wildly mad, and I’m much more afraid of him than he is of me. He must be a heartless killer. I’d better get out of here.” Of course, I’d have been having these thoughts while doing a new dance known as the back scoot boogie. It’s the boot scoot boogie without boots.

If he’d kept wearing his highest opinion of himself, I would have been the one perceiving that I was up against overwhelming odds and ferocious competition. It would have seemed kind of unreasonable, but I was a ready believer.

What about you? What is your highest opinion of yourself? Do you live up to it all the time or just when you KNOW it’s safe? If the odds look a little questionable, does your opinion change or do you maintain your position? It’s a lot easier to be self assured and even arrogant when we’re up against small prey, isn’t it? But when the stakes (or enemy!) is larger, it’s easy to look for the nearest exit.

The next time you’re facing what you’re certain is an immovable object, think of your highest opinion of yourself and refuse to give in even an inch. Stand your ground! The worst that could happen is that you go down giving it your all. There’s absolutely no shame in that, but there’s seldom any glory in retreat.

What’s the best thing that could happen? You could prove to the world that your highest opinion of yourself isn’t just an opinion, it’s an accurate depiction. Inside of that moment – the moment where you believe in yourself more than you believe in what you’re facing – is where magic lives.

Go get you some!

***************
Think of a time when you stared down your own giant with a rake and refused to budge. I’d love for you to tell about it in the comments. Don’t worry, it’s not being boastful, it’s being helpful – because your example could help someone else when their turn at bat comes up.

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